


Watching Her Wither or Blossom

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Absent Parents, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Bad Decisions, Being Lost, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Captivity, Caretaking, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Cruelty, Dark Fantasy, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Doctors & Physicians, Drama & Romance, Drawing, Drugged Sex, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fear of Death, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Forced Cohabitation, Forced Masturbation, Forced Orgasm, Foster Care, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Healing, Healing Sex, Healthy Relationships, Hiding, Hiding in Plain Sight, Hospitalization, Inspired by Art, Joyful, Kidnapping, Lack of Communication, Loneliness, Lost Love, Love Confessions, Medical Trauma, Mind Manipulation, Muteness, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Nonverbal Communication, POV Alternating, POV Original Character, POV Outsider, POV Rey (Star Wars), Pain, Painting, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Pregnancy, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Punishment, Quiet, Rape Aftermath, Rape Fantasy, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rating: M, Reality Bending, Recovered Memories, Redeemed Ben Solo, Repressed Memories, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Rey Needs A Hug, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, Sad, Separations, Serial Killers, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Violence, Slow Romance, Therapy, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Touch-Starved, Underage Drug Use, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:36:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 70
Words: 42,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ------(COMPLETE)------(******* This is a journey of pain and healing. It is not delicate, it has raw places that could trigger. But I  feel there's  a beauty in the breaking. The reformation after the shatter. The mind, heart, mind, and spirit can reach ...bend...we need ourselves...we need others...thanks for reading.  ;)    ******** )He sits on the fresh cut grass avoiding...as usual.  His classmates chatter and laugh about pointless details of mundane  lives...Ben sees his friend Hux headed his way. "Hey man! I need your notes from chemistry, I  know I was late, but you know how my dad gets..." Ben silently  handed Hux his chem notebook. His eyes flit up across the lawn. He sees her...she looks like she's  trying not to be noticed...but it was too late. He had. He had seen her. Slight figure, gentle curves, soft facial features, ...no one seemed to see. She glanced up self conscious, their eyes met...her's glinting in the sunlight. Then just as quickly she darted into the library.  Ben wanted to know more...





	1. Before the silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MalevolentReverie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/gifts), [secretreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretreylo/gifts), [OneStopMacabreShop (cymba)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cymba/gifts), [AdriannaXVI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriannaXVI/gifts).



_"She has been here long enough...she needs social  interaction...other children  her age...she hasn't  spoken a word since her trauma." the doctors always talked like she wasn't  there._

_She didn't  talk ...it didn't mean she couldn't  hear..._

_They wanted her to go to school,  keep seeing her therapist, heal..._

_She hated being near people...she didn't  trust anyone...their motives..._

_They all thought they understood her aches...the pain...the loss..._

_Her mother felt guilt..._

_But not enough  to be present..._

_Her father died protecting her... death released him._

_The years of treatment, drugs, hospitals, doctors who always think they know..._

_Rey left their sight, sat on her bed._

_They wanted her in school._

_She had not been in public school since she was 13, now 17._

_How can she deal with them...real children...whole people...when she exists in pieces?_

_A shattered broken thing..._

_Opening  her journal, Rey began to write...her shrink made her write her feelings...memories..._

_It hurt...some of her memories were still buried after years..._

_Time lost..._

 

She sat in her English class listening intently, taking her notes.

The teacher had a monotonous  voice. 

The class could not be more dull.

Rey attended every class the same way.  She sat in the back, she never raised her hand, tried not to be noticed...

So far no one had even approached  her. 

She was surprised. 

She stayed in the background, dressed plain, tried to blend in. 

One teacher talked to her first week, and did daily. The art teacher was kind, Mrs. Kantata...Maz as she demanded her students to call her. The other teachers left her be. 

The popular  girls sneered. She avoided them.

She could care less. She just wanted to be invisible. 

She knew she was nothing, she didn't  need anyone to remind her.

 

 


	2. Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art class was Ben's favorite, he could escape into his work. Free himself from his parent's bullshit, Hux's latest drama, or Jessika's endless prattle. Then there was her. She was in his class, it was the only class they shared. She nodded at Maz, but she never talked in class to anyone. She worked diligently until the bell, waited until everyone left, and left herself. He noticed she was always alone. She never ate in the cafeteria. Rey...he found out her name was Rey.

"Dude, you are staring...if Jess  sees you do that she's  going to explode." Hux reminded him.

Ben turned away again, Rey was sitting  on the grass eating  her lunch. Now he knew where she went. He noticed her as they left the cafeteria, and as they stood talking,  he couldn't  keep himself  from looking at her.

"Yeh, I know...Jess has a jealous streak a mile long. She can be a territorial  cunt. Hey, do you know anything  about the new girl? She just kinda arrived a month ago and basically  hides all day. " Ben fiddled with his phone.

Hux smirked, "you haven't  heard?"

"Heard what?" Ben asked.

"Well,  she's  been home schooled while she was in therapy. No one's seen her in years. You remember  that serial  killer a few years back that got caught?" Hux told him.

Ben remembered  vaguely.  Some crazy ass dude had been  kidnapping, keeping, torturing his victims back east. Avoided capture, then took root in the next town over. It was big news, he had killed at least 27 girls...various ages...some raped...some just tortured. Bodies usually  found on their parent's front step exactly  a week after taken.

"Vaguely...why?" Ben asked.

Hux smirk faded, "dude...she was one of his victims...she lived. The only one who did,13 when she was taken. He broke pattern with her though...kept her a year. Her mom kept her out of school. She deleted all social  media, basically  vanished when the news crews finally backed off. She wasn't  super social anyway, but after whatever he did to her...she just probably  doesn't  even want to be here. "

Ben winced, "a year...didn't the guy die?"

"Yeh, her dad killed him. But he died too. They found her asleep  by his body. Her dad had called the cops, but gotten there first. It was pretty messed up. " Hux stuffed his math book in his bag. 

"How'd her dad even find them?" Ben was still in shock.

"That's the fucked up part,  when dude moved to our neck of the woods he got a day job in her dad's  office. He befriended her dad. He ate at their house. She was under their nose the whole time he had her...her dad sat on dude's couch crying about the monster taking Rey, meanwhile  she was in the basement." Hux went on.

Ben shivered, "Jesus! That's fucked up."

"Yeh, her dad noticed her necklace in dude's  bathroom. He realized it when he got home where he recognized it from...called the cops and went back to find her. Found them downstairs...went crazy attacking the guy. Guy stabbed her dad. Was big news for a while. Her mom would not allow the news to interview  Rey...hid her. " Hux looked sullen. "She survived, but she's  damaged. I heard she doesn't  even talk. Trauma can do that..." 

Ben looked over at her. She was pretty. He couldn't  picture some asshole killer hurting her. "Do they know what he actually  did to her the year he kept her?"

"Well...she had scars...lots. um... they said he raped all his victims... tortured them...no one knows why he kept her longer than his normal week...and no one has asked her since she came back... there's gossip...Rose and Finn used to be her best friends, she won't go near them. I think he probably  abused her the whole time...why else be out of school and in therapy  so long..." Hux glanced at his phone. "Anyway, leave her be...Jess would be pissed if she thinks you're  sniffing around another girl ...period. I  gotta get to class, cya."

"Cya in history." Ben couldn't  help being curious.  But Hux wasn't  wrong...the girl was obviously  not looking to  make friends and his girlfriend  would be a bitch to her of she thought he was interested. 

Rey wiggled her bare feet in the grass smiling.

Ben smiled, it was a simple cute thing.

But he found it interesting knowing what she had been  through.

 

* * *

 

"Ben !" He barely looked up as he walked toward shop when Jessika shoved him through the door nearest him.

"Jess?" Ben muttered surprised.

But didn't get an answer, just her tongue  down his throat and her hand gripping his head.

She kicked the door closed.

The room was dark.  Unused.

He kissed her back, hands grabbing her ass. He was not going to turn down anything she threw at him.

She backed up a moment ...clicked the door lock.

Then pounced again.

He hit the edge of a large desk.

She unbuckled his belt, pulled his zipper down, and gripped him before he could even react.

He moaned into her mouth. 

Jessika yanked her dress up a bit. "No panties..." she whispered...

He groaned.

She scooted his pants and underwear  down.  He hitched her leg up with one arm and let her guide him inside her.

"Oh god ....yes...come on Ben.... fuck me!"  She demanded.

He groaned again, kissing her hard. 

He thrust into her fast and hard. 

She was insatiable. Always wanting sex...he sometimes felt like it was all she wanted.

Even after dating 6 months, they really didn't  talk.  He was the quarterback  and she was head cheerleader,  they just worked.  People expected  it. 

She met him thrust for thrust. Came with a yell.

"Mmmmm...good boy...." she breathed in his ear.

She pulled away from him...and sank to her knees to finish him. She never let him cum in her. Always in her mouth.

He wasn't  sure how he felt about it.  But god it felt amazing.  He couldn't  deny she gave great head.

He'd  dated a few, all more than willing to fuck or suck the football king, but it was empty...she stepped in with more demands. 

But it wasn't  love...she couldn't  care less about his dreams...his needs outside of this. As long as he walked around with her, attended things, fucked her when she wanted...she never met his parents...hung out with his friends...he was a prop.

She swallowed  him down as he spilled, wiped her mouth. She tugged his pants up.

"Well, I am headed to math class, fix yourself and wait 10 minutes to leave. Oh, and you need to come to my church meeting tonight, I'm  hosting." She didn't even wait for him to quit breathing hard or answer before she adjusted her dress and left.

"Well...damn..." he muttered.

He zipped up  and buckled his belt.

Ran his hands through his hair. 

He hated attended her church shit, it was boring. She was such a hypocrite. A bitch to everyone.

A noise in the back of the storage room startled him. 

Something fell.

"Hello?" He called.

He walked towards the sound.

The whole room was stuffed with crap... dusty. 

But back in the corner it was clean. A shelf sat covered in books, art supplies, candles. Blocked off from view. A quilt lay on the floor and a canvas leaned against  the wall....the painting wasn't  finished, but what was done was beautiful...

He moved closer and heard it, behind a broken chair he saw her.

Rey...her shirt  had paint splatters, and she appeared terrified  of his presence.

"Wow...hi." Ben then felt horrified, "oh god...you heard ...saw all that?" 

She nodded, and pulled her knees  to her chest not looking up. 

He knelt down,  "um...sorry...my ...she ...we didn't realize anyone was in here."

She looked up finally,  he couldn't  help but stare. Her eyes were emerald and gold. They were intoxicating...

"I'm Ben..." he stuck his hand out for her to shake.

She flinched away.

"It's  ok, I'll  leave. You're  Rey right?" He invited.

She nodded.

"Well, nice to meet you Rey, your painting is nice. I'm  in your art class, I'll  cya around, ok?" Ben smiled. He knew pushing wasn't  smart. 

He gave her another  smile then left.

The rest if the day he found himself  thinking about her eyes. 

He forgot about going to Jessika's meeting that night. 

She sent him multiple  hateful  texts. 

He shrugged, turned his phone off.

Laying on his bed,  he let himself drift off to sleep. 

 


	3. Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey heard them enter the room she hid in. They weren't remotely quiet about it. Vulgar. She peeked around the edge of the old broken bookshelf. Lost in the moment it seemed, no notice of her. It was rushed though,... no romance...no tender words...it was fast and done. The girl left with little ceremony and she watched him adjust his pants...his hair. He was beautiful in a coarse way, solid, melancholy. She backed up bumping something. Damn. She thought. When he approached her she couldn't help being scared. But he was careful...didn't move any closer...she liked his smile. She'd collected her things and escaped quickly at his exit. Ben...hmmmm.

" _Her physical damage is healed, but I'm sorry to say her mind and emotional state are far from it. That kind takes time...he had her so much longer than the others." The doctor told her mother._

_Her mother nodded, "whatever treatments she needs, she's just 14...that monster ruined her..." she sobbed._

_"She could still talk again, she's  rebuilding  inside...we will continue her sessions. I'm  hesitant  to bring her into group therapy quite yet. Her reaction  to males in general is terror." He added. "I'm actually recommending a female doctor from here on out."_

" _I agree, after he...did those things she is probably going to have a hard time forming relationships.  I'll contact the woman you told me about. I think home school  is best for now, until she gets stronger." Her mother left. Rey sighed. She was alone._

 

Rey remembers liking her new doctor, she was still seeing her.

She had been patient  and introduced her to art therapy.  

Rey had withdrawn completely  and her mother stopped visiting as often.

Rose and Finn stopped trying  when she kept declining visits. She stayed at the hospital, then an outpatient  center, then home. 

She wanted quiet, no people  circling.

Her doctor was still trying to pull out her repressed  memories of that year...every time new ones surfaced it crippled  her for a while.

Her mother remarried, the man was nice and kept his distance.  He seemed content  to keep her mother busy.

Rey actually  didn't  mind the empty house. But she checked the locks and windows constantly. She slept in her closet.

Her mother never noticed.

Ben...he had started smiling at her in art class, greeting her. 

She ignored him. He was curious  maybe...no good could come of that 

She saw his girlfriend  sling her arms around  him in the halls. 

He hung around a redhead named Hux alot, and seemed selectively social with most others.

His work in class was interesting. 

She had no other classes with him.

She assumed his interest would fade, but he greeted her daily trying  to strike up something.

When she didn't  respond  he smiled and returned  to his assignments. 

She started eating in her hiding spot at lunch. She had noticed him staring at her outside. 

She wasn't under a rock, she heard girls giggle and gossip about him in the bathroom. 

They wanted him next, joking about his girlfriend using him for great sex and his status  like he wasn't  a real person.

Jessika...she was a bitch to everyone...even her so called click. 

She was gorgeous...

Rey nibbled her sandwich.

She knew this experiment  of going to school was supposed  to help her. But she successfully avoided them...her doctor kept telling her that defeated  the purpose. 

She needed to reconnect...

But that was...difficult. 

Her nightmares came every night...

If someone resembled his features or a smell reminded her of that place...she broke.

And touch...She freaked if someone tried. Her own mother couldn't hug her.

She'd  had to take a lot of drugs at first at the hospital  just to stop thrashing. 

The sounds Ben and that girl made had not triggered anything... progress maybe...

Rey added a bit to her painting... she loved colors and textures.

She wondered if she'd find her voice again...the man had taken it...

And her innocence...

Her sanity...

She could still hear his breath...feel his hands...

She shivered.

She never knew why he kept her...why she didn't  die...

He killed every part of her...just her body continued.

Her womb could still carry a child. Her mother had been relieved. 

But her skin held scars ...so many...her mind more...her heart even more...

No one will want her...damaged people are nothing...she couldn't  give anyone what a normal girl could...

 

 

 

 


	4. Fragile peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey woke drenched in sweat, her body cold. Her dreams were her constant companion...her enemy...

_The day he took her..._

_Oh she'd  been so mad at her mother...her mother forgot to pick her up from school... and since her dad thought mommy was getting her he didn't  either._

_She barrowed someone's cell to try to call them both...voicemail._

_No one at school  seemed to notice or care she was standing in the rain ...then walking..._

_A car pulled up beside her a couple  miles away from school._

_"This is not the weather for a hike young lady, if you need a ride hop in.  It's not safe out there!" The man said._

_He looked harmless, seemed friendly. He reminded her of their neighbor._

_"My folks forgot to pick me up,  it's  still 2 more miles up this road..." Rey told him._

_She remembered being so cold, wet, teeth chattering...she probably  resembled a wet rat._

_"Well hop in little one, I  know I wouldn't  want my daughter out in this, I'm sure your  folks would appreciate  me getting you home safe." He gestured and opened the passenger  door._

_Rey got in._

_She thought his car was really clean...smelled nice._

_He handed her his jacket to cover up.  Turned the heat on._

_He talked about his daughter being around her age...and Rey felt herself drift. She found out later on...he had no daughter..._

_She'd slept so little the night before...was exhausted. Up late studying for her history test...then the walking she'd  already done._

_The sound of his voice and the rain lulled her senses into sleep._

_Rey woke to not being in his car...to her panic...not home either..._

_She was on a couch._

_She panicked more looking around._

_She was in a darkish room, seemed maybe like a basement. Her hands were tied and her feet._

_She was in a dress that she knew was not hers._

_Her hair had been taken out of it's braid._

_Her shoes and socks gone._

_She fell asleep  in his car...was this his house?_

_No good came from waking up like this._

_She didn't cry.  She knew she was going  to  die...crying wouldn't  solve that._

_There had been someone taking girls in another state...she'd seen it on the news...was this guy like that or similar?_

_Those men killed the girls they took...raped them...hurt them...there was no way this guy took her for a good purpose..._

_Rey sighed...no first kiss from a cute boy she liked...no first time with raging hormones with a boy her dad would hate..._

_No... Rey knew..._

_This man would take all her firsts... whatever he wanted...probably kill her..._

_Her mom might cry...her dad would be mad...Finn and Rose would be sad..._

_Hmmmm...._

_But he didn't touch her at first..._

_He brought her food and water. Took her upstairs to bathe and dress in clean clothes periodically._

_He gave her drawing paper and color pencils._

_He didn't  say a word to her...but she didn't  either._

_She never begged to be let go...cry and freakout...or ask why he took her..._

_He watched her closely but didn't  introduce himself or his purpose for her presence._

_She was confused._

_Then it changed. She woke to not being alone._

_The first girl was younger than her._

_She was laying across the room. Tied the same._

_The girl tried to ask her who she was, where they were, how long Rey had been there..._

_Rey didn't respond, just stared._

_Frozen._

_He came the next day, the girl scooted away, screamed and cried._

_He glanced at Rey's  still form._

_Then turned his attention  back to the other girl..._

_Rey saw him rip the girl's  clothes off her, hit her, grab her by the hair and force her on her stomach...all the while saying crude things..._

_He didn't seem to care to prep her before  yanking himself out and shoving in brutally._

_Her screams echoed in the small space._

_When he'd  had his fill he'd  left the girl there,  crying ...bleeding..._

_He did that every day for a week. Before mutilating her the last day...cutting out her eyes...finally slitting her throat as he fucked her one last time..._

_As the knife crossed her throat he looked at Rey..._

_Rey stared wide eyed._

_No tears...no sound..._

_He cleaned up the mess, went upstairs to shower. When he returned he brought Rey dinner. He stood in front of her watching her eat._

 

Rey  told her doctor about her new memory through her notebook.

The woman never judged, just read her thoughts and expressed her well educated opinions.

Rey liked her.

Their  sessions were twice a week now. 

When she was in the hospital  the doctor  visited daily. 

The first doctor had been male and she hated him. When the woman was introduced she felt like things might get better.

She told Rey her situation  was not uncommon...she went  into self preservation  mode.

 Not  to feel guilty.

She couldn't  have saved the other girl. 

But Rey felt guilt anyway...if she had reacted...maybe he would have killed her too...

She wouldn't have had to watch him ...do the same thing to many others...like he kept trying to do worse and worse to make her crack...react...

"Rey, you are not to blame for anyone's suffering...all of you were his victims.  He did horrible  things to you later as well...it is a blessing  you survived." The kind woman smiled. "Now, I want you to try harder at school...try to connect to someone... anyone. Don't let him control you. He is dead and gone."

Rey nodded. 

* * *

 

Leaving the office always felt like pulling off a bandaid.  She knew what her doctor said was true...but still.

She sat in her kitchen.

Strawberry  jelly and peanut butter on a spoon made her happy.

 She had done that since she was small...no bread just dipping a spoon...

Her gran always let her...

She missed her gran...

Her mind wandered...Ben still kept trying to get her to interact  with him in class, the hall...it was odd...

 

 

* * *

Ben sat in the waiting room for his mother. Her office was warmer than most, welcoming. 

She loved her patients, most were long term cases.

He asked to take her to lunch, she said she would love to after her last patient.

He was so fucking thirsty.

He ventured out into the hall to grab a coke.

"I'll see you Thursday Rey, remember what I said. Keep writing in your notebook ...if any other new memories  come to you." Dr. Organa smiled. "Ann, put Rey down for 3:30 Thursday please." 

Ben saw his mother return behind the door of her office.

Holy shit! 

His mother was Rey's  doctor?

Rey left without noticing him. 

His curiosity peaked.

 

 

 


	5. Curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben, your mom is ready for you, she said come on in..." Ann told him. He walked in and hugged her. They didn't always get along, but he knew he was lucky.

"So nice to have you here son, let me grab my purse and we can go. " Leia smiled.

"Italian?" He asked.

"Definately.  Sorry I was running behind...I  don't  like to rush the young lady I just had. She's  a very special case and have high hopes." Leia added as the got into his car. 

Ben nodded as they drove off, "no problem  mom, she goes to my school. I've actually tried to talk to her few times...she doesn't talk to anybody, keeps to herself."

"She's fragile, don't push. I can't  go into details...client privilege. Just, watch out for her...for me." Leia asked.

Ben smiled, "not an issue, she's... interesting. I can definately  do that for you mom."

"Oh good. Now, spaghetti  or lasagna?" Leia asked as they sat at their table.

Ben wanted to ask more questions... but he knew she wouldn't betray Rey.

His mother wasn't perfect, but she was a devoted doctor. 

 

* * *

 

 

He left them in her hidden place, she had to return at some point and he hoped it would brighten  her day...

He glanced down.

He had bought new brushes, a few canvasses. Tied them together. A box of oil paints too.

He grinned.

It would either make her wonder who was so thoughtful  or completely  freak her out...

It was a gamble. 

He heard his phone buzz...

Fuck !

Jessika was pissed...still...she had been bitching him out for blowing her off multiple times the last couple  weeks.

He was just tired of her bullshit...she was so superficial...

Pussy wasn't  worth the stress...

Well...now...

 

* * *

 

 

He met up with Hux.  The movie was another generic horror flick...

"This shit is always so predictable... stupid teenagers don't  run fast enough...get killed by the over ridiculous villain..." Hux complained. "But hey...look there's  Phasma! I'm... going go talk to her..."

 Hux practically ran over to where she sat 

Ben laughed.

Jessika  showed up with her friends. 

"Well look there, Ben is alive!" Her tone dripping with annoyance. 

"Jess...don't be like that...I've been busy...sorry." he didn't  really care if she was mad, but also  wanted her not to bug him.

She smiled, took Hux's  seat, "you can make it up to me..."

He felt her hand on his thigh...move up to his crotch...

"Ummm....Jess..." he said slightly breathless  as she rubbed him faster...

She just grinned, "what's wrong Ben? You seem distracted?"

He knew it was bad...he also knew she would make him cum in his damn pants if she didn't  quit...

"Stop Jess...thought it was me who owed you..." he moved her hand away.

"You do." She agreed crossed her arms. "How will you?"

"Like this..." Ben's fingers slipped between  her legs under her short skirt.

He didn't  want to...but it seemed like a necessary  evil...

He curled inside, rubbing her clit with his palm...

"Ahhhh...right there..." she muttered.

He moved as fast as possible.  Until she soaked his fingers. 

He felt like he betrayed someone. 

He hated Jessika.

"Enjoy your nite Jess...that's the end of it...find a new fucktoy to boss around..." Ben wiped his hand on her skirt and left. 

Hux text him later. He asked where he went.

He told him he got sick to his stomach so he went home.

He stomped up his porch steps. 

He knew his mom was probably  already in bed.

"What the?" He saw something  leaning against the front door.

He turned it over...a canvas...

Looked like one of the ones he bought Rey.  

Looking at the surface, he felt awed.

She had painted a sunset. He saw the school. 

Very detailed.

She figured out it was him...this was a silent thankyou...

He smiled. His heart flipped.

He went in the house, locked the door, went to his room.

Stripped down to his boxers.

He leaned the painting against  the wall on his desk. 

He stared at it.

She thought of him...

 

 

 

 


	6. Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sat fuming outside principal Streeter's office. He had not gotten into a fight at school in a while, but his mom would still be livid. "Come on in Mr.Solo, let's chat. You haven't been in my office for altercations with other students in a while...what brought this on? Mrs. Wilson says you punched Matthew multiple times. That you slammed him to the ground. Your fellow players didn't have much to say in either of your defense."

Ben shifted in his chair. "Sorry...sir, I  heard him saying bullshit to some of our teammates..."

"Ah...about a female student? " he asked.

Ben sighed, "yes sir, Matthew  was talking about a particular  girl ...I  couldn't  ignore it."

Mr Streeter nodded, "while I  applaud your chivalry...you cannot punch every teenage boy who says a girl has a nice bottom... or that he wants...things...it is common.  Disrespectful  but normal. Now if he has been  harassing  her I can deal with him."

Ben wrang his hands, "I don't think he has. But sir...she's different.. fragile...if she heard what he said...it could cause her to have a breakdown  I think..."

"Oh, you...he was talking foul about miss Canter. That is a bit different  circumstance. You still have detention.  I  will be speaking to him myself. Keep an eye out for any trouble....poor girl has been  through enough. If anything  severe happens  her mother will no doubt pull her out to return to home schooling. "

"I will sir." Ben nodded and left. He had detention every day for the next week...he grumbled. But he wouldn't  do it differently. 

He heard Matthew telling another boy how easy she would  be to fuck. That she was all warmed up. That she must be a good lay if dude kept her so long...it had turned his rage on fast.  

It had been  cruel.  

It would have hurt her.

 

* * *

 

_Rey woke to someone petting her hair softly. She tried desperately  not to flinch._

_"You are a quiet one...different. nothing I've done has broken  you. You are pretty though...that pussy is probably  so tight..." he loomed._

_"Sit up." He ordered._

_Rey obeyed._

_She was terrified.  Was it her turn?_

_She had watched so many come and go._

_They didn't  get what she did, he washed them some with a bucket of water between  attacks...no bath...he didn't bother feeding them...they got a thin blanket on the floor ....always tied up...some water to drink...she had clothes...they saw her and hate filled their eyes..._

_He brushed her hair off her shoulders. "I'm  going to play with your hair, don't move. "_

_He ran his fingers through it, brushed it, braided it eventually._

_"I'm undecided  what I want from you...I  like you watching what to do to the others...they scream and cry...beg...you are silent....I  enjoy it..." he stood._

_"Bath time..." he instructed. He took her upstairs and watched her in the bathtub...washing her back gently before he allowed her to get out._

_He didn't  touch her anywhere else._

_But the next day he brought home a new guest._

_Rey screamed inside as he cut the girl's skin, violated her in her mouth, ass,...he burned her all over her body..._

_He finally killed her at the end of the week by strangling her with his belt.  She had been a college girl he said...so pretty before he'd  burned her face..._

_He'd  smiled at Rey._

 

 

Rey wrote in her notebook. He took her voice. But she could still reach outside of herself.

Leaving the painting  for Ben had been a risk...it gave her anxiety.  

But he had not sought her out after. Kept his distance.  

She saw him sitting outside the principal's office and wondered why. 

After he exited , looked annoyed,  another boy went in.

The boy was swollen faced and bloody.

Did Ben  do that?

He had been kind to leave the art supplies for her. He hadn't  left a note ...she knew it had been him.

She thought about telling her doctor about him...his attempts. What she did leaving her art for him to say thankyou. 

Rey thought her doctor  would be proud of the motion. It was something. A connection.

She couldn't  be near him though.  

That was too much. 

But his features were...nice.

 

 

 

 


	7. Gentle words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey told Dr. Organa about the one boy at school who keeps trying to talk to her, that he left her a gift, .. .that she gave him a painting. She was encouraging. 'Baby steps' she said. She showed her the new memories in her latest notebook, she had many now. It makes her feel guilty when some of the memories hit a chord in her doctor. Sometimes she tears up. She's kindhearted.

She glanced around her doctor's  office, usually  she is too wrapped inside herself  to notice anything  ...but she sees someone familiar  in a small picture frame on the far shelf.

Leia is fixing their  tea so she rises and crosses the room. 

Ben...

She picks it up...stares hard at it.  

Him...

"That's  my son, you might know him...he goes to your school. " Leia volunteers. She didn't  want to say she knew he'd  been trying...it has to be slow and natural. This broken girl needed a friend, her son survived  a few big things himself... maybe they'd  be good friends. 

Rey touched the glass. 

Leia thought she was looking at Ben's  image very intently. 

"He's  a good boy, bit of a temper...but good." Leia added.

Rey nodded, set the frame back on the shelf.  She sat and sipped her tea.

 

_"I'm going to put makeup on you and paint your nails..." he told her._

_He added light makeup, even lipstick...then slowly trimmed... filed...painted her fingers and toes a light pink shade._

_Rey was never one to do either...didn't see the point..._

_The girl across the room glared._

_She grumbled behind the dirty gag in her mouth._

_Rey knew she hated her.  They all did._

_It wasn't  her fault._

_Who could hurt him?_

_She was so weak...small..._

_She was just waiting for him to turn on her.. for her death too?_

_The girl on the floor scooted slightly._

_He'd  already had her an hour or so before._

_She had bruises covering her.  Cuts in her back where the metal of his belt sliced in as he whipped her with it._

_Rey didn't  understand._

_He was oddly kind to her, torturing them._

_She wasn't prettier.  Just quiet._

_He brought her paints and canvases  the next day after he killed the girl and cleaned up._

_It was friday after all._

_"Something new...enjoy." he said. He disappeared  up the stairs._

_Rey looked at each color and brush._

_Set up a spot and began with green._

_Stroking the brush up and down the surface._

 

Ben and Hux showered after practice.

They went over to Hux's  house to play his new video game. 

"Dude! Quit fucking killing me !" Hux whined.

Ben laughed. He reached into his bag and grabbed the chips he brought to chomp on.

This was nice. Relaxing. 

 


	8. Observe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She watched him run. From under the bleachers she could see without being seen. He ran like his life depended on it. Round and round the track. No one else around. Just him...

Rey wasn't  even sure why she had been  drawn here. 

But as he ran she found herself  unable  to look away...unwilling to leave.

 

Ben felt like his chest was about to cave in. He stopped, leaning...he loved to run...the adrenaline...

It cleared his mind, eased his tension, numbed his worries...

He walked back to the bench, grabbed his water bottle. Took a long drink. 

He needed to decide his next step. Rey still wasn't  responding  in class, but he knew it had to be at her pace not his...

He knelt down  to get his shirt out of his duffle, tugged it over his head.

As he walked away from the field he noticed someone under the bleachers  coming toward him.

Oh....it was her. Interesting. 

"Hi...were you watching me run?" He asked without moving closer.

Rey nodded. Stepped closer.

"I like to run...it's relaxing." Ben smiled.

Rey cocked her head. Reaching out she held a note to him.

He took it from her slowly. 

Opening the folded  paper, he glanced down at it. 

 

_**thankyou for the gift.** _

 

Ben knew how big a step that was for her. She'd  sought him out and shown trust.

"It was nothing...I liked the painting." Ben told her.

Rey smiled.

"Can we...would you like to go sit somewhere? Go eat ? Anything?" He asked hopefully.

Rey shook her head, turned away. 

Ben panicked a moment. Then realized she wanted him to follow...

Rey glanced back at him as they walked...

Ben kept his distance...

Rey eventually  led him to the art room...

"Rey? ..." he asked. 

He found her on the far side of the studio.  

She was laying out clay  chunks  and unwrapping them.

"May I?" He asked moving closer.

He noticed there were two out. She wanted him to join her as she worked.

He pulled his phone out, turned some light music on. Sat his duffle on the floor.

Rey motioned for him to do what she was doing...

He watched and copied her ...

She swayed as she used her fingers to mold the clay...

He was glad she enjoyed the music.

 

_"why is he so fucking gentle with you? All you do is sit there...no matter what he does!" The redhead yelled at Rey._

_The girl had managed  to get the gag out of her mouth._

_He'd been with them hours ago. He was seemingly asleep upstairs._

_Rey assumes it's  night time._

_The girl is shivering under the thin blanket like others before her._

_Rey feels her usual guilt. And despite her restricted limbs she tries to toss the girl her thicker  blanket._

_"Thanks I guess...I  know who you are.  You've been missing a long time...your family thinks you're dead..." the girl stated as she wrapped the blanket around her._

_Rey sighed._

_In all the ways that matter she is dead..._

_This girl doesn't  see her own scars..._

_This girl doesn't  know he has been less gentle..._

_This girl doesn't understand..._

_How his hands stopped having boundaries..._

_How her silence no longer kept the monster at bay..._

_That Rey lost her innocence..._

_Rey wouldn't  deny the girl her anger...it was all she had ...he would kill her soon..._

_Rey wished he would kill her too...let her go...but he seemed determined to keep her...it was cruel. At least the others got to die..._

_The girl was asleep...Rey lay there listening to her breathe..._

 

 

"This was fun Rey, thanks for letting  me come with you." Ben grinned admiring his bowl. 

Rey had taken her vase and his bowl to put in the kiln. It would be fired and the glaze would seal it. They could get their items later on.

She washed her hands after cleaning  up  their mess. He'd  helped. And washed his own hands.

He wrote his phone number on a small piece of paper and set it on the table near her. "My cell...in case you need a friend to talk to or just get bored..."

It was a gesture.

He hoped it wasn't  too forward. He didn't  want to spook her.

Rey tentatively took it.

She tugged her backpack onto her shoulder and left.

 

He sat down.  Thinking. 

She'd  taken  it...maybe...

 

**buzzzzzzzz !**

 

His phone buzzed at him.

Glancing down at the screen his heart soared...

 

(Hi Ben. Rey, )

 

He saved her number into his phone under the title 'Miss Picasso'.

He texted back...

 

(Hi Rey.  Ben, )

 

She didn't  send another messege  so neither did he...

 

 

 

 


	9. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben lay in his night pants reading his history chapters, it was late...past midnight. He'd hoped Rey would text him again. She hadn't. But he wasn't going to until she did...it had to be her choice. He started to doze off...his text book fell to the floor.

Warmth...wet...OH GOD !

Mouth....

He moaned... waking in someone's  mouth...was he awake?

Was he dreaming?

He reached down in the darkness... hair.. he gripped the head of hair currently  working him with unabashed  urgency...

He didn't  mean to so fast but he came within a few minutes... 

She murmured...

"Uh...who?..." he muttered finally thinking with an assemblage of lucidity.

"Oh Ben...I  snuck in your window... you looked delicious... couldn't help myself... and your stuck up ass has been ignoring  me..." she stated.

Jessika...

Fucking Jessika !

"What the absolute  fuck Jess  ?!" He yelled. 

"You liked it..." she accused. 

He flared, "I was half fucking asleep  you dumb skank !" 

She grabbed her arm, tugged his sleep pants up and roughly her hauled her down the hall ...out his front  door...

"Don't  act like a dick Solo..." she chirped.

"Don't  act like a stupid whore Jess ! Leave me the fuck alone ! " He slammed the door without letting her respond.

She cursed a bit on the other side of the door, but did finally  leave.

He sighed.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey stood watching her mother pack.

 

A week...they'd be gone a week.

"It will be fine honey,...we will be back before you know it. Leia said she would check on you... and if you feel really anxious  you can stay with her. But John has been so patient...you're doing better...we need some time to ourselves." Her mother rattled on.

She zipped up her suitcase. 

"Dear let's  go, we need to get to the airport " John hollered.

"Coming!" Her mother responded.

An awkward moment  when a hug or kiss goodbye would normally  take place...then her mother was out the door. 

The house was so quiet .

Rey thought of texting Leia.

Her doctor  was more of a mother to her than the woman who'd  just left...

She could stay with her...

But now she knew...Ben was her son...Rey couldn't sleep in the same house...as him...

Not that she feared him...

Not that she remotely  thought he would hurt her...

He did not ever press...

She went upstairs...a shower...she needed a hot shower...

In the bathroom  she ran the water, checking the temperature...

Shed her clothes...

Rey examined her reflection.

She was skinny, slight curves...

Freckled...

Her back...the burn marks littered her back...and scars from his belt...the buckle...

Her arms and thighs...

Lines....scars from his knives...

Her neck...

Light scarring from being choked with with rope...twine...

Her necklace covered those well.

Her wrists had the same....her ankles...

She usually  wore clothes that hid her journey...

She had an urge to text Ben...

Did he have any scars? 

Would he see beyond the damage?

He was not deterred  by her silence...

He...was different...

 

_Rey lay there still....willing tears to come so he would  stop..._

_But none came..._

_He pushed the cigarette into her skin again..._

_again..._

_again...the smell of her flesh burning..._

_"Ah...so quiet...you never cease to amaze me..." he set it in the ashtray._

_He ran his hand over her back._

_"So pretty...decorated...the texture looks marvelous...should scar nicely. But don't fret...I'll do this again...over and over as I wish." He added._

_Rey knew...the pain was never_ _stopping...no one was coming..._

_He cleaned her wounds._

_He left her hooked to the headboard on her stomach._

_There was no other girl in the basement for now._

_He hadn't  brought a new one in a month...content to play with his favorite..._

_She didn't want to be his favorite..._

 

Leia came by at dinner time. She brought a dish to reheat.

"It's not much Rey, but I was worried  you wouldn't  eat. Your mother said  if you get anxious  here by yourself  you can stay with me. I am glad to have you. If you need me, I have extra rooms at my house. My son can stay over at his friend's  house too if him being there troubles you...I  know he would accommodate."  Leia told her, spreading the spaghetti  onto a plate for Rey.

Rey smiled, dug in.

She wrote something down.

Leia read it.

"Ok dear, but if you need me just text me. Ok?" Leia said.

Rey nodded.

After Leia left Rey  curled under her covers. For hours she couldn't sleep...

She held her phone.

Then typed 

 

( Ben, do you have scars? )

 

Hit send.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben barely heard his phone buzz. His mother was on her way back from checking on Rey. She had told him Rey's mom was going out of town for the week with her husband so Rey might need to stay at their house, if that came about he would need to make himself scarce. He had no problem with that, he'd go to Hux's. But as he was falling asleep, the sound of his phone caught his attention.

(Ben, do you have scars ?)

 

Rey...

She'd  text him.

It was an odd question...

But ...then again...

Her past...what she suffered.

Did she have scars from...HIM?

Was she trying to test the waters with Ben or see how superficial  he was?

Jessika was all about her body... her looks...getting attention...

Rey was more introverted...liked plain clothes...covered herself alot. She didn't wear make-up  or do much with her hair. She was always trying to stay unnoticed... hidden...she didn't want to get people's attention... 

He found it refreshing, beautiful. 

 

(I do actually...on my back from a skateboard  accident,  my wrist from when me and my dad got in a fight, ...my leg from a knife...being in the wrong place at the wrong time...)

 

He sent the reply unsure what she hoped his answer would be.

 

Buzz!

 

( I .... I  have many...does that make me ugly? )

 

He stared at her her response... lord.  She thought her scars made her ugly ! Why ? 

Then he pondered what and where the marks could be and from what...

That man...she said 'many'... probably from that year...it made him so angry...

He sighed.

 

( No...you aren't  ugly. I consider scars our life battle proof of survival.  A skinned knee ...a knife wound...it's no matter to me. Character is seeing inside and outside  people.  I have felt ugly as I've  grown up...been made fun of about things...my ears for one...)

 

He sent it hoping it wasn't  too wordy a reply. 

 

Buzz!

 

( I like your ears...they're different )

 

Her reply brought a grin to his face ...then an idea popped in his head...another risky idea...

 

( Thanks Rey. Um...we have a pool inside our house...our house is kinda big...if you ever want to swim and not worry about people seeing your scars...anytime)

 

It was a risk...the invitation. 

 

( Maybe... your...um...your mom...  Is my doctor.  I  might like to come if she doesn't  mind...)

 

Rey told him. That was trust right?

 

(Nite Ben)

 

(Nite Rey)

 

Ben grinned. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day was Tuesday,  appointment day after school.

Ben had smiled at her in art class.

Rey had actually  smiled back.

She...liked him.

It was such an odd emotion...after feeling so numb...so scared for so long...

 

* * *

 

Leia was surprised when Rey arrived early. "Hello Rey, I hope school was nice today." 

Rey actually  smiled at her and handed her a note.

_**Here's  my new notebook entries...and I was wondering if I can come to your house to swim...Ben invited me. I Used to love to swim...** _

Leia was surprised. But glad.

It gave her hope.

 


	11. Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessika wasn't blind, she saw it...his interest in the mute little whore. Well she thought she must be, Matthew told her she was. Ben looked at her alot, smiled at her. It pissed her off. He'd rejected her over and over. If he wasn't fucking her he had to be fucking the trainwreck.

"I don't  fucking get it, she's so trashy and plain. Unless she's  sucking him so good she's  making his asshole whistle  it makes no damn sense !" Jessika complained to Tiffany.

Tiffany shrugged, "dunno Jess, she's  nice...quiet, ...I  don't think it's what you think...you're just mad cuz he don't want you no more."

"Bullshit Tiff ! Things worked til she came back. Her ass should've stayed in home school. Ben needs to get his head out of his ass !" Jessika snarled biting into her burger.

The cafeteria  was about half full. 

Hux and Ben left with their lunch to eat outside.

"Dude, I crushed my test ! Dad has to be proud." Hux beamed as they plopped down.

Ben laughed, "hope so man. Hey, you see Jess  in there? She literally  looks like someone stuck a porcupine up her ass! "

Hux smirked, "yeah, she's pretty pissed..."

Ben really didn't  care.

For once the prom queen wannabe wasn't  getting her way...all he could think of was ....good.

Fuck her.

Rey was coming to swim after school.  

He was stoked.

It was a huge step for her 

Showed major trust.

Comfort zone. 

His mother had been thrilled.

Rey had asked her at their appointment.

His mother had instantly  agreed. That it was a good step toward socializing... acclimating....

Leia told him to stay at a distance,  let Rey move at her own pace, not to stare at her scars if she chose to wear a swimsuit... or say anything if she wore a large shirt over one.

Ben had shook his head telling her he understands. He was aware of how big it was that she'd  even shown interest.

 

 

_"Hello sweet girl...wake up...." he said running his hand down her spine._

_Rey's eyes fluttered open._

_She was laying on her side. The night gown was thin. She shivered unintentionally._

_He glanced at his guest._

_The raven haired teen whimpered,  scared  he was about to come back  toward her. She was 15...he had already whipped her this morning._

_"Please ...no...no...no more..." she begged. "I just want to go home..."_

_The girl's short hair was matted and greasy, 3 days no bathing, ...her hands and feet were still bleeding from him pulling her nails out..._

_"You are granted a reprieve Ella. Rey here has been pampered for quite some time...a change of pace may be in order... some entertainment... what would you do to live longer Hmmmm?" He asked her._

_Ella sat up,  still trembling." Anything! Anything you want!"_

_He chuckled._

_Rey knew why._

_He enjoyed fucking with their minds... empty promises... negotiations that meant nothing..._

_Rey was still pure._

_He got off on taunting them with her..._

_"Ok." He said._

_He went over and unhooked her restraints...Ella scurried to his feet._

_"Timid creature...stand up now..." he ordered...she stood._

_"Come." He pointed toward Rey. Rey's hands were tied behind her back._

_Ella sat beside Rey._

_"Lay back Rey." He told her, Rey obeyed as best she could._

_Over the next hour he directed Ella  to do things to Rey..._

_He seemed thoroughly  entralled._

_This was...new..._

_Ella shook  as she followed his orders...none of it Rey had done before... Rey didn't move just took it..._

_...at least  it wasn't  his hands..._

_...his mouth..._

_...his cock..._

_"Very good Ella. I think you deserve a shower...some food perhaps..."he smiled at her._

_Rey didn't  trust it._

_Ella seemed fooled._

_He guided Ella away upstairs..._

_Rey never saw Ella come back down...maybe he used her upstairs? Got rid of her there? Unusual since he had been making her watch...Rey was somewhat relieved..._

_Later in the week he woke Rey  by kissing her temple...running his hands over her breasts over the current nightgown... then moving it up to touch her bare skin..._

_"I am done with Ella...I think you are ready to  get to know me better..." he informed her._

_Rey lay there quietly...trying to imagine anything...anywhere else than this moment..._

_She imagined an ocean..._

_The peace of an island..._

_The waves..._

_She was so lonely..._

_He stroked her flesh...kissing every inch...before kneeling between her thighs to kiss her ...there...where Ella had been forced to..._

_Rey was panting...her body betrayed her..._

_It didn't  change who he was...what he did...that he was evil...his cruel tenderness..._

_He didn't penetrate that night...but Rey knew...it was going to be soon..._

_When he finished his playing...she lay there and allowed herself to cry..._

Ben was nervous.

Rey would be there any moment.

His mother had picked her up.

"Ben! Were here!" Leia  hollered  as they came in the front door.

Ben met them. "Hey mom...hi Rey...ready to come see our pool?"

Rey nodded.

He led her there.

His mother busied herself  prepping dinner. "You two have fun...dinner will be ready in a couple hours."

 

 

 


	12. See me see you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey eyed the water. The surface was still. The room warm. Plants about. She liked it. Ben was not too far away, shedding his shirt. He was already in his swimtrunks. She pulled her pants down slowly. Cautious. But didn't reach for the long sleeved shirt yet. She tugged her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. She unhooked the cloth necklace she always wore around her throat. He wasn't turned toward her. She sees it as respectful. He enters the water, she sees it ripple. Ben...she wasn't scared of Ben...

Ben kept his attention  away from her direction.  He hoped it would make Rey less self conscious.

He entered the water without even glancing behind him. 

The water was warm ...but not too warm. 

He slid under the surface getting  his hair wet. He wiped  off his face when he rose out. It felt good.

He took a chance and peeked.

Rey stood at the edge of the pool.

 Minus her pants...still in her shirt.

Her necklace was gone...

...her neck...OH God !

He saw scars on her thighs...

He needed to distract her...maybe.

"It's warm...you'll like it. Mom says you used to love to swim..." Ben invited.

Rey appeared deep in thought.

Then she truly surprised  him...

Rey tugged the baggy shirt over her head and tossed it in a chair where her pants were. 

Her bathing suit was plain blue, dark, but now he saw her arms...

More scars...

She dipped her toe into the water... then stepped down the steps sinking all the way in.

Ben smiled.

She smiled back. 

Rey moved through the water keeping her distance. 

He caught a glimpse of her back...

More scars...

Her ankles...her wrists...

It made his heart ache. 

He held his expression. He couldn't  react...it would hurt her...

But he couldn't  help the anger boiling deep inside.

She disappeared and swam around... she seemed happy.

Ben left her to it and floated on his back a bit, closed his eyes.

He felt a hand.

Startled he he turned to stand again.

Rey...

So close...she touched his chest again lightly...

He froze.

She used the same hand to touch his face.  She started to pull her hand back...

"That is ok... I don't mind..." Ben told her. 

She touched his cheek again.

 


	13. Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey missed her daddy. He doted on her, loved her. She was so much closer to him than her mother...

_"He was here you know...your father. Crying, I work with him. It's ironic...it was the picture sitting on his desk of you than brought you  to my attention. He was here venting about how you've  been gone almost a year this week...sitting on my couch with you mere feet away below his feet... " he told her._

_Rey let the tears fall...for the first time she let him see..._

_A year...he'd had her almost  a year..._

_He laughed. "ironic...your own father caused your capture...I didn't  plan on keeping you...you were just supposed to last the week like the others..."_

_Rey cringed._

_He kissed her neck nuzzling as a lover...she couldn't move._

_"He left with no idea you are right here..." he taunted._

_Rey wished she could scratch his eyes out..._

_The drug he'd  started giving her kept her still..._

_She wanted to go home...she wanted this man ...this monster to stop touching her..._

_Her mind drifted as he thrust into her again...like so many times before...she was nothing ...she was gone...all that was left after all this time was the empty husk he filled..._

_"Get the fuck off my daughter you son of a bitch !" Her father screamed yanking the man from her body._

_They thudded on the floor...fighting over the knife..._

 

_"Daddy?..." Rey said weakly barely coherent._

_She felt her limbs...she rolled a bit to the side...hit the floor..._

_Her father..._

_Rey saw her father...lying in pooling crimson..._

_Rey saw her keeper...the man who taken everything...dead._

_She scooted barely closer to her father and passed out next to him._

 

 

"This is a big memory to recover Rey...and a hard one. Your father was lost that day but he died saving you. The police found you not long after,  brought you back home. You have to find a way to make peace with this...forgive him for dying...forgive yourself for living..." Leia told her on Thursday.

Rey  had learned she had no control of the order of the memories that returned to her...

She had chosen to bury her necklace with her father...it had been from him. It was what led him to finding her...

"Rey, I'm so proud of your progress. You are doing so well at school, with high grades and you made a friend...my son no less." Leia patted Rey's  leg.

Rey didn't flinch at the motion.

Progress.

Like touching Ben...

Swimming with him had been nice...he had not stared at her scars... had looked her in the eye...he let her touch his chest...his face...

Rey nodded at her doctor.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had been texting Ben more. 

Random thoughts...things she saw. 

Song lyrics that she liked. 

He was...attentive.

They compared work in art class...this week drawing with charcoal...

He had made her feel ...something when he'd  shown her a drawing he'd  done of her.

Her mother would be home by Saturday...she dreaded  it a little. 

Leia feeding her has been sublime.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey saw Finn  and Rose nuzzling in the library.

They used to be her friends... before she shattered and pushed them away...

She tossed around approaching  them...threw the idea away.

Now sitting in math class,  she was glad to bury her mind in equations. 

Ben made her want more than just existing. 

 

She knew her daddy would want that too...his precious girl was strong, independent,  and brave...she loved life...

 

She just forgot that for a while...

 

 

 


	14. Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't use the drug on them...he liked using it on her...

Leia read over Rey's  latest entries.

The man had used a paralyzing drug on Rey once he truly started exploring  her uses to him.

Rey remembered the first time he injected her. He'd done it after the  Ella encounter...when he started touching her more.

"Rey, did he not use the drug on the other girls?" Leia questioned

Rey shook her head. 

 

_"This will help you be more comfortable as I stretch you out...test your limits...they don't last long enough to bother... besides ... I like to hear them scream...I like your silence..." he told her._

_Rey closed her eyes when the needle went in._

_He took her shirt off, leaving her only in plain panties._

_She was so cold..._

_She was flat on her back first. He showed her the knife he'd  used many times on others. She stared._

_It wasn't  anything special._

_He started just above her elbow, making light cuts...lines...not too deep...enough to hurt...to bleed..._

_Rey watched him slide it into her skin ..._

_The lines went almost up to her shoulder...he did the left arm first...then the right...flipped her onto her stomach and cut into the other side of each arm._

_Next he did her thighs..._

_Again front first starting above the knee...then on the back of each thigh..._

_"Ah...so satisfying..." he keened._

_He cleaned  all her wounds. Then spread her legs wide. He touched her lower lips with his knife... pressed it against her clit..._

_Rey screamed inside...terrified he'd  cut her there too... she'd  seen him do it before..._

_He didn't._

_Eventually  he set it down, took off his clothes and humped her body. Curling around her, he fell asleep._

_Rey didn't  understand...why..._

_She fell asleep. Frozen still._

 

Rey showed Leia what happened  over the following  weeks.

He would drug her, use his fingers... mouth... sex toys on and in her... then came his cock...she would wake up to him inside her... thrusting away...grunting...panting in her ear...

He seemed to prefer to do it with her on her stomach,  wrists hooked to the headboard. He seemed to time everything to her waking up during...

At first gentle, almost tender, then more and more volatile...rough...he bruised her hips...her breasts...he would tie her ankles wide apart and wrists sometimes so tightly the ropes cut into her skin...

Leia tried to comfort Rey.  

Other days Rey talked about childhood  memories...happy ones...those were in her notebooks too.

They were her lifelines...

 

* * *

 

 As Ben read her the book, a murder mystery...Rey felt peaceful...his voice was soothing... it was a new habit of theirs...they would find a quiet corner and he would quietly read to her...

Rey adored it...

Sometimes it was a mystery... others a romance...a children's book....or a sci-fi story...

Rey didn't care, as long as it was his voice...

 


	15. Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People told her how strong she was...for simply surving. The emts, the police, the doctors, the nurses, the school...human nature pursues survival. We eat food, drink water, sleep, defend ourselves...all to function and continue to the next day. Then procreation to continue the species. Rey was certain she was weak not strong...she should have fought...screamed... instead of watching...keeping her voice locked inside...

"Well Rey, I'm  so relieved  to see such high grades so far. You haven't  had any episodes here, no incidents  with other students. It would be a good idea to take part in an extra curricular activity, but it's  understandable you don't. " Mrs.Wilson was kind, soft spoken.

She took her job as school counselor  seriously.

Rey met with her at least once a month, and Leia was in communication  with the woman as well.

Rey nodded.

"Ok, well you seem good, anything we need to discuss? " Mrs.Wilson asked.

Rey shook her head.

Rey looked down at the list  in her lap. Clubs, sports, social clubs,... none was really her.

If there had been a book or art club...maybe.

Choir and chess club had been fun in middle school...

Her voice...where did it go?

Trauma survivors...victims often had parts of them missing... fragments...

Rey needed to...try.

"Well, I suppose that's all for today, if you think of something don't hesitate to come to my door...it's always open." The woman had such a cheerful friendly demeanor.

Rey  nodded, she left her office.

She saw other students scurrying to class. 

Ben...

He was yanking a book out of his locker and stuffing it in his backpack. 

She really liked his ears, his hair.

He was...cute...

Built like a football player  should be...muscles and broad.

She'd  seen what he did to that boy...she's seen him at practice...

But he was so careful with her.

She swallowed.

She took a deep breath.

Her dress  had long sleeves that ended in lace. Her leggings had little stars all over them. 

She left her hair loose.

She actually  felt...pretty today.

A new development.

Ben smiled when he saw her.

"Hey." He  greeted. 

Rey showed  him the list. 

"Oh...they want you to do a club or something huh?" He read over it. "Anything strike your fancy?"

Rey shook her head.

"Oh well...sorry  Rey. " he handed it back.

Rey thought about her circumstances...

...yes she survived...the definition of it...

...she existed in the sense she woke up every day...functioned...

...but now...

...but now...

Rey wanted more than that...

Ben...

Rey grabbed his hand...pulled him to go with her...

"Rey?..." he tried to ask. 

She shook her head. Continued down the hall.

He followed. Curious.

She took him to her hidden  place.

He looked around. 

She'd  been busy. Thete was new paintings sitting about, drawings.

"These are really great Rey, are they what you wanted to show me?" He asked.

Rey guided him to sit down.

She pulled out her phone after she sat next to him.

 

(I wanted to talk with you.)

 

"Ok...anytime is everything  ok? Your mom being back from her trip going ok?" He was concerned. 

 

(It's  fine. No I  want to talk to you ...really talk.)

He watched her type it. Confused.

She set her phone down and sat facing him. So nervous. She took his hands in hers.

He felt like his whole body was on fire. 

Rey was touching him...again...

She looked frustrated...brow furrowing...

"Ben..." she muttered weakly.

Ben's  eyes were now wide. Butterflies in his stomach.

His name...she had just said his name.

Years of no talking and she said his name !

Rey grinned. "I am glad you are here.. " she muttered.

He smiled, "I am glad to be here Rey.  This is really awesome. I'm  proud of you."

His praise  made her beam.

She let go of his hands and touched his face...

Without intending to, he closed his eyes, the sensation calming.

Rey took one hand and touched his ear, she giggled. His ears were big... hidden under his perfect hair. She felt it between  her fingers.

Ben stiffened. This...this was different.  His ears were quite sensitive. But he didn't  move.

"Thankyou for being kind to me." She said still stroking his ear.

Ben collected himself, "um... yeah... of course....no problem. We're friends..."

Rey tilted her head, ceased her touching a bit. 

"Can we stay here a while?" Rey whispered.

Ben nodded. 

Rey laid down on the quilt they sat on, tugged her backpack  under her head. 

Ben followed her example.  

They lay there facing eachother. 

She reached for his hand and he let her have it.

Rey closed her eyes.

Ben observed as she slowed her breathing  and fell asleep. 

Trust....

This was a major demonstration  of trust.

Rey trusted him.

Rey felt comfort from him.

She talked to him.

Ben smiled to himself. His mother was going to jump up and down.

This was a major leap in the right direction. 

Rey showing interest in interacting.

Despite his brain working overtime,  his eyes drooped too. He fell asleep. They slept through her study hall and his history class... 

 

_Rey lay there feeling like she was wasting away... fading...soon she would disappear  into the bed...the ground..._

_Wincing she sat up...stood shakily..._

_She stretched and turned...jumped up and down. Attempting to wake up her muscles._

_He was busy today and the next day because of work.  A training class. He'd  told her even adults had homework apparently._

_He told her her family had not declared  her dead...even though everyone else was sure she was._

_Rey listened. The room was so quiet. It smelled damp._

_She'd  been alone a while._

_It was simple._

_The guilt didn't  eat at her heart as bad when she didn't  see them._

_She stared at the empty spot._

_Music...she missed music. And grass...and trees..._

_He'd brought her flowers a few times._

_She had a stack of books on the floor._

_He'd brought her puzzles._

_She would sit and put them together, lay down, read, draw, paint._

_She used her water bottles when she painted._

_She ran her fingers over the textures  once dry._

_Would anyone ever see them?_

_He'd given her a necklace, cloth, it had a clapse._

_But it covered her neck...the constant redness he left. For reasons unknown to Rey her captor didn't  like that she had scars on her neck. From him._

_He seemed to love all the other scars on her body...but her neck...bothered him..._

_She was getting closer to 14, birthday...would he acknowledge it?_

_Strange thought._

_Why would Rey even care?_

_She laid back and hum to herself..._

_The tune her father sang to her at night...she missed him so much._

_She was here. She was alive. She survived. She was still existing._

_Rey felt defeated._

 

At home Rey helped her mother with dinner. John was running late.

"Oh honey, yes, chop those carrots for the soup  please, I'm still working on the chicken." Her mother directed.

Rey chopped.

She loved homemade chicken noodle  soup...it was her gran's recipe.

It smelled so good.

Rey wanted to talk to her mother like she had Ben...but she held back.

She was unsure why. 

She  would talk to Leia at her next session though.

Months at school and nothing... then months around around Ben and she found her voice again...weak but still there. 

It was a conundrum. He was...an unpredictable  force in her life. 

She added the carrots to the pot. 

Mmmmmmm so good.

Rey's  mother continued  to prattle.

She seemed to like to talk at Rey rather than really wanting her daughter's reactions...

It was that way even before she was taken...her father talked to her though.

"John is almost home, I had him stop and get a cake.  I felt like cake." Her mother dropped the last of the ingredients  in. She set the table.

Rey poured glasses of tea.

Rey wondered what Ben was doing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Friends of friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday was...important. Ben knew that. He didn't say anything to his mother. He knew Rey had a session with her Thursday...she would tell her if she wanted to.

Rey had not talked since the time by themselves.  She's texted him...

Ben figured maybe it was alot...and maybe she wasn't ready to talk to everyone.

Hux was coming over to play video games today, Ben  wanted to invite Rey. 

She needed to feel safe with people...Hux was a good person to start with.

Ben loved his friend. Hux had been there for him as far back as he could remember. 

Since they were 5 and stubborn.

Ben texted Rey.  

He grinned when she agreed.

He didn't  mention Hux. 

Speaking of which...

"Hey Hux!"  Ben yelled doen the hall.

Hux headed to him,  "what's up man?"

"You still coming over after school  today? Ben asked.

"Definately. Probably staying for dinner too if your mom doesn't care." Hux said.

Ben pursed his lips. "yeah, I'm sure she won't care...but there's  something I need to talk to you about..."

Hux smirked,  "let me guess...Rey?"

Ben laughed,  "how'd  you guess?"

"I've  been your friend how long? You like her, you've  been hanging around her a bit...I notice stuff. You skipped history with her." Hux informed him.

Ben smiled, "yeah...it's nice...she's become a good friend.  Anyway, I invited her to hang with us today. She has gotten comfortable around me, seems to trust me. But she needs to be ok with other people, thought I'd  start with you. "

Hux nodded, "she is fine by me. I'll  behave. It's  pretty great of you to try and help her. She's  nice, been through hell,...no one besides her doctors and teachers seem interested. But you have. Means alot to her I'm sure. Just be  careful. "

Ben twisted inside,  "careful?"

"Yeah, careful...she's doing good, but she's  still fragile...your mom would agree. She's  a doctor, ask her." Hux suggested. 

"I'll think about it, thanks, cya later." Ben knew he needed to tread lightly, he wasn't oblivious.

He saw the path ahead.

She still had a long road to recovery.

Ben was patient...well with her...he could help. 

He was her friend. 

 

* * *

 

Ben and Rey sat in his room, door wide open.

She actually seemed to like the game. She was even good at it.

He'd  fixed a bowl of chips and a plate of cookies, grabbed sodas  to have on hand for snacks.

Hux showed up, "Hey Solo! Hey Canter !"

Rey's  eyes widened,  she glanced at Ben.  

Ben smiled, "Rey, this is Hux...he's my best friend. I am so glad you guys can officially  meet. "

He hoped she wouldn't  run out of the room.

She nodded. She remembered him. Turned back to the game.

Hux plopped down grabbing a handful of chips, "ready for me to beat your ass Solo ?!"

Rey giggled.

Ben smirked.

They played the rest of the afternoon. Hux and Rey seemed to enjoy themselves.

Both stayed for dinner to his mother's  delight.

Ben felt accomplished.

Rey hadn't  conversed out loud around Hux,  but he was hopeful that would come over time.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey wrote in her notebook  after her shower. 

She remembered baking cookies with her mom and playing board games with her parents.

Family fun nights.

Those were just that...fun. There was laughing and teasing. 

When her parents smiled at eachother more...

Ben had surprised her with Hux coming. But as scared as she was when he appeared she felt it vanish.

Ben was there.

Nothing bad happened  if Ben was there.

And Ben loved Hux...she knew how long they'd been friends.

Ben wanted his two friends to know eachother  better...

She could...try.

Ben had earned that.

Rey's  mother had be excited she was socializing. 

Leia assured her it was a safe situation.  That she'd be just down the hall. Ben's  door stayed open.

Dinner had been nice.

Rey wished sometimes Leia was her mom. She reminded her of her dad.

Dr. Organa was warm. Patient. Full of fire and hope.

Ben was like his mother.

Rey wondered where his dad was...

Why Leia went by Organa  instead of Solo.

Were they divorced?

Ben had not mentioned  it yet.

Rey brushed her hair and watched her tv. She liked the old cartoons.

Some were cheesy, but they made her remember...

Saturday  morning cartoon fun and pancakes with her dad.

 

Rey fell asleep smiling.

 

 

_"I'm sorry Finn, ...Rose, Rey is delicate...if she doesn't  feel ready to see anyone I'm  not letting you in there." Her mother told them._

_Finn scowled, "she needs her friends Mrs. Canter...we are her to help. She can't hide in the hospital,  it doesn't help her move on."_

_"She needs people, we love her." Rose added._

_"I understand, her doctors are still evaluating  her case. She was severely traumatized.  I can tell you she will be home schooled  until she can even be around more people. So for now, just give her space...time. She lost her father...her freedom...so much while he had her. Just give her some time if you're really her friends." Her mother told them._

_Rey knew if she asked, her mother would let them in._

_But how could she explain...she wasn't their Rey  anymore..._

_She told her mother she didn't want to see anyone..._

_People would know...he'd tainted her..._

_Who wants half a friend?_

_Half a daughter?_

_Half a person?_

_Rey  couldn't  even speak to her mother...let alone Rose and Finn..._

_They were better off forgetting  her..._

_Weeks passed...months...they stopped coming...stopped trying..._

_Rey sighed._

_She knew no one cared._

 

 

 


	17. Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia greeted her with her usual smile and welcoming warmth. She was thrilled Rey had befriended her son. He seemed calm and thoughtful... she had not liked Jessika in the slightest.

"Hello Rey! Always a pleasure,  let's have a seat. I just have to say you are progressing so well ! Your guidance  counselor  says things are good at school and I'm  impressed  with the friendship  you are attempting. Let's  dive in then, your notebook...do you have new entries since Tuesday?" Leia expected her usual nod...the handing over of the current notebook.

Rey grinned shyly. 

Handed it to her. 

"There are entries about my father... from when I was younger... no new memories of ...HIM..." Rey stated quietly.

Leia's face lit up, "Rey! You...you talked! When did you start speaking again?"

Rey looked down at her hands. "I.... I  spoke to Ben....but not since the other day. He... is a good friend.  I ...wanted to talk to him..."

Leia assured her it was a good step. 

They discussed how Rey felt about this new ability...how she felt about Ben's  position in her daily life.

Leia asked her why she felt the urge to break her silence with Ben. 

Years of quiet. Why leave herself vulnerable  now?

Rey had a simple answer that was wrapped in complications she wasn't ready to identify yet...Ben made her feel safe.

Rey even hugged her when her session was over. 

 

_"ah...so tight...so good for me..." his breath in her ear made her sick._

_Rey was exhausted...afraid to sleep...if she closed her eyes she was unaware...he could show up..._

_It didn't  hurt during anymore...but he always left her sore...she tried to ignore his hands..._

_It lasted longer than she ever wanted..._

_The girl on the floor was watching. He hadn't  touched this one yet._

_Rey's  hands above her head, he made her face  him. Thighs wide._

_He never really kissed her...maybe some day she'd have a real kiss._

_"My good girl...always so behaved... uh...so quiet for me...so wet..." he set a faster pace._

_She heard the skin smacking, the weight of his body and  tried to take her mind away..._

_Maybe if she did fight back he would kill her like like them...end this..._

_He finished with a groan._

_Sometimes her body orgasmed, mostly not...this time not._

_He adjusted and raised away from her. Took her hands out of the rope._

_"Come... I want to give you a bath." He wouldn't  let her wash herself anymore. He had to. He would wash her hair them her body. His fingers always dipped inside a little._

_In her fresh nightgown he returned her downstairs._

_He left for a few hours._

_The girl fell asleep shivering._

 

_Rey woke later to screaming._

_The girl. He was beating her. He struck  her with the whip...the snapping..._

_Rey hated that whip..._

_She covered her ears._

_Then he was on her. Pounded into the girl...Rey couldn't save the girl from his punishment... she couldn't save herself..._

_Die...Rey wanted to die..._

_But she was too weak to do it herself..._

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Shadows of peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat on his bed, they worked on their homework together most afternoons. She liked it. It felt normal. It felt real.

Ben loved these afternoons.

Rey was so close. She was smiling more.

She spoke to Hux.

The three of them ate together at lunch.

Rey waved at Hux between  classes. 

Ben had given her a friend.

It was a priceless gift.  

Every moment she'd  been gone... when she was with that man...she had felt alone.

Rey didn't  feel alone anymore.

"Ben, can you help me with this problem...it just doesn't  make sense to me..." Rey asked. 

Ben scooted closer, "sure...let me see...oh this is easy. You just gotta break it down."

He was always patient, he explained.  

"I see it now...thanks." Rey smiled. 

Self preservation wasn't  her main priority  anymore.

Making herself breathe in and out.

Getting out of bed, facing the crowded halls at school...weren't so frightening. 

Rey had her friend.

Rey had Ben.

She talked freely with him.

She talked freely to Leia in their sessions. 

Rey entered a piece in the art show at school.

Life was happening.

She still had breakdowns, but not as often. 

She heard the man's words in her head...

She didn't  feel like a stranger in her own skin.

 

_"Rey! Earth to Rey!" Rose poked her._

_"What?" Rey replied._

_Rose laughed, "quit staring at him...he is beyond us. Boys like him date cheerleaders not nerds."_

_Rey nodded, she liked his hair...he never seemed to see her.  Rose was right._

_"Poe is dating Lisa,  besides he's  a senior...seniors don't  notice is lowly underclassman." Rose teased._

_Rey knew she was plain._

_Finn plopped down at the table. "Hey! Rey still pining over Poe?"_

_"Oh yes..." Rose said._

_Rey punched his arm, "am not...he's cute. That's it.  I like his hair. I'm too young for a boyfriend,  they're pointless."_

_"No...boyfriends are fun. Mine is anyway." Finn joked._

_Rose got up, "come on...we have a chess club meeting Rey."_

_"Cya Finn!" They both tossed at him gathering their bags._

 

Rey liked Ben. She could admit it in her head.

She paid attention  to Ben.

He was kind of moody with most people. But he gave her his best side.

He blew off girls like Jessika  all the time now. Though they kept trying.

Rey couldn't tell him. 

 

"LeaAnn likes you, I heard her telling Ria in the bathroom." Rey told Ben.

Ben smirked,  "really? So you're spying now?"

"No, I just overheard. She told Ria you were 'fucking hot'...do you like her?" Rey  asked.

Ben closed his book. "I guess I do...but since things blew up with Jess  I haven't been out with anyone...haven't even wanted to. Just been enjoying chilling with you and Hux."

"You should, ... get out I mean... " Rey suggested. 

Ben nodded, "maybe...what about you...after what you went through, everything you've told me about...can you picture going on a date?"

"Maybe...they would have to understand... not expect certain things for a long time...someone kinda like how you and Hux are. Nice." Rey explained. 

"Like me and Hux huh...so we're the standard? ...if you date?" Ben looked amused,  "I'll  take that as a compliment. "

"LeaAnn huh...maybe..." Ben acted like he was really thinking about it.

Rey felt her heart deflate. 

Sink.

He was interested. 

Of course he was...LeaAnn was blonde and gorgeous. Popular and not scattered.

She hadn't  watched girls being raped and tortured...killed for almost a year... hadn't  been raped herself over and over...

Why would he not want someone like LeaAnn?

Why would anyone want Rey?

That familiar  doubt crept in...dark tendrils...

...she wanted to disappear...

 

 


	19. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mom! I'm headed out!" Ben yelled. "I'll be back after 11 probably, we're going to eat and then a movie!"

Ben picked her up at her house, opened the car door like a gentleman.

She looked hot...her dress was fitted.

Her hair was curled and danced in the breeze outside the restaurant.

She didn't  have the attitude Jessika  had. She wasn't rude and demanding.

She laughed at his jokes.

At dinner she actually  ate.

They talked about dumb shit...but he liked it.

When she reached out and took his hand... he let her. It felt good.

The movie was dull, but he didn't mind too much...half way through she'd  moved closer ...gave him that look...

He leaned in and kissed her. 

She had soft lips. Smelled so good.

Didn't  take much and they forgot about everyone...were making out...heated.

When they separated they were breathless.

"Ya know Ben, I was surprised when you asked, but I'm glad we did this. Jess is kinda a cunt...you're a good guy. I'm having fun with you." LeaAnn  told him smiling. Her cheeks pink. 

Ben grinned, "yeah, it's been fun. Though... I'm out of practice. "

She giggled, "I  think you're all practiced up now. I  have no complaints. "

Ben smiled. 

He was having a good time.

But his mind wandered as they finished watching the movie.

He wondered about what Rey was up to. 

He came because she kept bugging him about asking out LeaAnn.

He knew she was just trying to be a good friend. 

He held hands with his date.

 

* * *

 

 

At her house, he walked her to the door.

She leaned up and kissed him.  "You want to come in for a while?"

Ben kissed her again deeper, "not tonight, told my mom I'd  be home after 11. I've got to help her with some stuff early in the morning. "

"Alright...but I'll  see you at school. Monday...text me ok?" LeaAnn  left him and went in.

Ben ran his hand through his hair.

The date went well...so why did he feel...wierd about it.

If he'd  gone in, they probably  would have made out more...she was into him...

He had been telling the truth, he had told his mom he'd  been home after 11. But it wasn't his mom he was helping in the morning.  

Rey wanted to clean out their garage... haul off stuff. He'd  volunteered  his new truck and his muscles.

He wondered if Rey would ask about his date. 

 

 


	20. Case of the Mondays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben had been surprised. Saturday morning Rey worked him hard, they got alot done. Her mother had made them lunch. He hauled off 2 truck loads to the dump for them. They took her father's old clothes to goodwill. But not once did Rey ask about his date with LeaAnn.

Hux sat by him in history.

The pop quiz sucked.

"So...date went good? " Hux whispered.

Ben nodded, "yeah, went ok...I'm not sure yet if I want a repeat or not yet."

"I get that...but if it well why not? Get out and have fun." Hux said.

Ben shrugged, "I don't know..."

"Well, anyway...Rey said you guys got alot done Saturday. I know she was grateful." Hux stated. 

"When did you see Rey? She text you?" Ben asked.

Hux shook his head. "We hung out Friday night.  You were on your date, so she asked if I wanted to watch a movie and eat popcorn  at her house. We ended up making homemade pizza and watching two movies.  She's pretty awesome. Come a long way since she came back to school. "

Ben didn't  know why it bothered him. "Was it a date?"

"Nah, but I think I would if she wanted to...she's cool and pretty,...brave." Hux told him.

Ben was quiet.

Hux liked Rey?

He wasn't  sure what to think about that.

She had said 'someone like him or Hux' would be dateable...but had that meant she liked one of them...Hux?

The bell wrang.

 

_"hi Rey, what you working on?" He asked. His hand petting her hair._

_Rey cringed. 'Um...a landscape...an ocean...' she wrote down on her pad of paper._

_"Ah...do you miss going to the beach? Outside?" He prodded._

_Rey knew he was taunting her. 'I miss being outside, breathing fresh air.' She wrote._

_He smiled, "I'll  take you outside."_

_He left._

_Rey woke up panicked. She was restrained, gagged, blindfolded...but she smelled...fresh air?_

_"There ya go ..." He said. He removed the blindfold._

_They were outside. It was dark. He stood behind her. She sat in a lawn chair._

_"This is my backyard. No one can see you. It's  fenced in and I've got a lot of trees...besides my neighbors aren't  up my ass...our yards are wide." He informed her._

_Rey looked around. It was a relief. Air._

_She could see the sky. The stars._

_"Time to pay up Rey for this privilege...up." he ordered._

_She let him stand her up._

_He guided her to the railing of his backporch._

_He pulled up the back of her nightgown. Pulled his night pants down enough..._

_He kissed the back of her neck._

_Groped her chest._

_"So good for me. If you behave I'll keep you out here a while..." he promised._

_Rey tried to absorb the plants... the sky ...the sounds of the crickets...as he pistoned in and out. She bit into the gag in her mouth._

_Bent her over the railing...she felt like a vessel. Something...a thing..._

_She was his..._

_Rey knew she was never going home..._

_He spilled into her...she felt hollow._

_"My girl...no more new friends...I think you give me enough now...for now anyway..." he stated. Still shifting in her as he softened._

_She felt sick._

 

 

LeaAnn  grinned at him as she walked up at lunch. She kissed him lightly on the lips. Hux and Rey sat across from him.

"Hey. Hux right? Rey? I'm LeaAnn... well you probably know that...but I wanted to introduce myself." LeaAnn  laughed.

She leaned closer to Ben. 

"Hey, yeah nice to officially meet. We actually have had classes together before. Don't mind Rey, she's shy around new people." Hux greeted.

LeaAnn  turned towards them more, "you two an item? "

Hux reddened. "just friends...we're the 3 musketeers!" 

Rey smiled.

Ben chuckled, "all for one and one for all!"

"Want to  come over after school Ben?" She asked.

Ben felt cornered.  "Not today... I have an appointment. Raincheck?"

"Sure, well I gotta meet Ria...cya" LeaAnn  left. 

Rey watched her walk away intently. She didn't miss Jessika glaring at LeaAnn as she passed her table.

Hux smirked,  "she's  persistent... date must have gone really well."

Ben shrugged, "maybe...still not sure...she may not be for me..."

"What? Hot....nice...and into you is not your type ?" Hux joked.

Ben looked at Rey. "Maybe not..."

Rey didn't  add to the conversation. 


	21. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey paced in her room. Her heart was racing...his voice it filled her head. "No no no no no..." she muttered gripping her hair. Tears streaming down her face. She could feel his hands. She wanted to peel her skin off...

Ben didn't see Rey at school.  

She wasn't at lunch, Hux said she had not  answered his texts all weekend.  

Ben didn't  really worry until art class...she was not there.

He checked her hidden place after class. No Rey.

He texted her...no answer.

He called repeatedly...voicemail.

LeaAnn  stopped him in the parking lot at his truck. "Hey, give me a ride home? Visit a bit?" 

He backed away from her when she tried to kiss him. "Sorry...can't... family emergency...gotta go."

He didn't  wait for her to respond.

Driving toward her house his mind spun.

Her mother answered the door.  "Hi Ben, I'm sorry Rey is resting...she isn't having visitors right now."

"Is she ok? She wasn't  at school...she hasn't returned any calls or texts." Ben asked.

"She's  been sick, I'm sure she'll call you and Hux when she feels better. He came checking on her too. You boys are so thoughtful." Her mother dismissed him.

He stood on her porch for a minute unsure.

He just knew her mother was leaving out something. He felt it in his gut.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey Ann, is mom busy?" Ben asked.

Ann smiled, "actually,  no. I'll let her know you're here."

He sat in the waiting area.

"She said come on in." Ann directed.

Ben went into his mother's  office. 

His mother  saw his expression and knew exactly why he was there.

"Hi Ben.  Are you here to see me or ask about Rey?" Leia asked. 

Ben huffed, "mom she wasn't at school  today...she hasn't  answered me or Hux's  calls or texts all weekend  ...today either. I went by her house, her mom said she was sick and kinda blew me off..."

"Yes... I know." Leia stated.

"Is she really sick or did something  happen?" He sounded frantic.

His tone worried her.

"If I tell you anything  son it has to stay in this room... I mean it. I'm only telling you because  you two are so close...and I  know you care about her. You can't  even tell Hux." Leia gave him a serious look.

He nodded. "I understand."

"She isn't  sick per say...over the weekend her mother heard her having a panic attack in her room. Rey had locked the door.  Her mother went downstairs  to get the skeleton key to get in.  When she came in Rey was on her floor... naked. She looked like she'd  been crying, pulling out her own hair. It seemed she'd  been so anxious and upset she finally  just fainted from the stress. Episodes are common  to patients who survived  her type of trauma. Something triggers them...she hasn't needed medications in a long time..." Leia explained. 

Ben sat down. 

He looked up at his mother. 

"I know you are worried, but she is ok. Resting. She just needs some time by herself.  She used to have these episodes often when she  was still hospitalized  ...and then came home. She was nearly catatonic when the police found her...she had vivid nightmares of watching her father die...her kidnapper die...those girls who died...she kept thinking he wasn't  really dead and was coming after her again. Then as memories have surfaced...she had episodes because of what he did in front of her and to her..." Leia added. 

Ben sighed, "she's  been doing so well...she talks now, participates, seemed happy."

"She has been Ben...but you have to understand something...Rey was traumatized for so long.  These years of treatment have helped, it's why she came back to school...her friendship with you...then Hux... help. But,  she's still healing... episodes could still occur for years..." Leia tried to make him see. 

Ben sulked.

He couldn't  hurry the process...she was in pain he could not take away...

The emotional  overload hit him and he cried. He felt helpless.

His mother left her desk and moved to hold him.

Petting his back like she did when he was little."it's  going to be ok, just be there for her when she's  ready to see you. Don't vanish."

Ben nodded, the tears continued to fall.

Leia knew then what Ben did not...

Her son loved the girl...

Her pain hurt him profoundly...

Leia was sure he wasn't aware of how deeply Rey had carved herself into his heart...but she hoped he would know it soon.

She held him until he stopped.

"I'm  going to  head home mom, I'll...see you later...thanks for being honest with me. I won't say anything  to Hux...or her. I'll  be there for her when she needs her friends." Ben stated.

"I'm glad son, see you at home. I love you." Leia told him.

Ben turned at the door, "love you too mom."

 


	22. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben kept his distance. He still sent her reassuring messeges about hoping she felt better. All week he watched for her, everyday she missed...he stared at her normal seat in art class...

"Ria, I'm  just saying it's bugging me...he's acting like a lost puppy. So she's  been out sick all week...so what? People  get sick." LeaAnn washed her hands,  checked her makeup in the bathroom  mirror. 

Ria nodded, "I get it, but they're  friends...close friends. He's  protective  of her...you heard what he did to Matthew a while back for talking shit about her?"

"True...she like... really doesn't talk to anybody  but him and his other friend Hux...she used to not even talk...fucked up what happened  to her I guess. I just thought the date went well...and now he avoids me. I just want to get to know him more... " LeaAnn frowned and added on fresh lipstick.

* * *

 

 

Leia went to check on Rey Friday  morning,  she'd  missed Tuesday  and Thursday's sessions this week.  "Hi Gail, just thought I peek in at our Rey since she's  stayed home all week. "

Rey's  mother shifted, "I apologize ...I should have called. I'll take you to  her room.  She may still be asleep."

Rey was awake, but just staring at the wall. 

Leia's expression hardened. "Did you give her something?"

"Just something to calm her,  doctor came by to check her vitals and suggested it...so she wouldn't  hurt herself." Gail told her.

"Don't  give her anymore...show me the bottle." Leia ordered.

She took it from Gail.

Leia sat beside Rey and stroked her hair, "hi honey,...its Leia ...are you ok?"

Rey blinked up, nodded. 

"I'm going to stay a while and just talk with you if you want...would you like that?" Leia asked softly.

Rey nodded.

"Gail, I'll come see you in a little  bit. No one else is to prescribe medication  to her except  me in the future...ok?" Leia told her, almost scolding.

Gail figited, "yeah, I'll be in the kitchen."

"Rey...I know you had a rather intense episode,  but you are ok...no one will hurt you...your friends love you...I'm here...your mother is here..." Leia was trying to be encouraging.

Rey sniffled, tears in her eyes. "It was so real...the nightmare...I pulled my clothes off in my sleep...mom says I pulled some of my hair out... I felt his hands on me... smelled him...felt him... pushing into me... I wanted to die..."

"But he wasn't really here...your father killed him years ago...it's normal to have these moments... but you are learning to function again...have relationships. He does not control you anymore...you are not his victim...you are free of his basement...his touch." Leia saw some of the tension leave Rey's eyes. 

Rey smiled, "it's  just hard...it's so intense sometimes when memories hit me...my nightmares are horrible...who is ever going to want someone as broken as me? ...someone used and damaged?"

Leia hugged her reassuringly when she sat up, "someone will... someone who sees you as special. Like I do...like Ben and Hux do... by the way, those two have been checking on you. Your mother only told them you were sick."

Rey nodded, sighed, "will you tell Ben I'm ok...explain for me? I give permission...I'll text them. But I know Ben will worry, I'm  probably  going back to school  Monday. He's  just barely started dating LeaAnn  and I don't  want to cause them problems..."

"Ok...I can do that if you want me to. He  hasn't  mentioned her to me yet, just asked about you." Leia replied.

Rey adjusted the blanket, "yeah, it's  a new thing...they've hung out at school, there's  only been one actual date I think...but she's  liked him for a while...a lot of girls at school like him...he seemed to like her. "

Leia nodded, "well, then I'm sure he'll  inform me if it's  serious... later. I wouldn't  worry about it. He will be relieved when you get back to school. "

"Thanks, I promise I'll  be at both sessions next week. " Rey stated.

"Good. But you do have my cell, text or call me if you feel anxious  this weekend. If you have another nightmare write it down if possible." Leia directed.

Rey thanked her again.

Leia left after discussing things with her mother.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Ben, oh glad you're home...I got done checking on Rey. " Leia told him.

Ben sat at the kitchen table, "she...she seem ok?"

"Yes, actually we had a nice chat. She says she'll  be returning to school  Monday.  She  asked me to tell you about what happened. I'm  glad I told you, knowing it's what she  wants. It was how I said, her episode was in response to a vivid nightmare about that man. She had all the sensory impressions of him being there...hurting her. She broke down and hurt herself...now she's  worried about how hard it will be when she's  ready to date someone. How hard what she is, will be on someone." Leia looked concerned. 

"She thinks no one will want her? Or can handle her...moments like this week?" Ben asked.

Leia nodded.

Ben glared at the table, "that's... ridiculous. The right person will want her...will be able to handle anything."

"I agree, I told her that." Leia stated. "She showed concern about your new possible  relationship  as well...she doesn't  want her issues to interfer."

"With LeaAnn? No, it's very new...like one date...and Rey could  never be an interference....she comes first no question...Rey's important. She's  my friend. Whoever I  am around has to accept that or go away." Ben was very sure of his answer.

Leia patted his hand, "I'm glad honey, she just wants you to be happy...just as you seem to want her happy. You two mean alot to eachother."

"We do, I  can't  imagine not having Rey in my life now...I've been kind of a wreck worrying. I'm relieved she's  ok. Um... LeaAnn seems different from Jessika...still feeling that out. Not sure yet if it's  going to lead somewhere or not. " Ben told her. 

"You're young, you have plenty of time... no rush." Leia reminded him.

Ben went in his room and read. LeaAnn  texted him. 

He finally responded after ignoring her most of the week. 

He asked her to go  laser tagging with Hux and a few others. She'd  been delighted. 

Saturday night went well. He found himself smiling and having a good time. 

At her house he let her guide him in. They talked more on her couch.

Eventually he kissed her. Her hands went into his hair.  She ended up in his lap.

He let himself get lost in her...it felt good. 

"Ben...I had such a good time tonight..." she whispered in his ear before licking it, nibbling.

He almost growled.

It sent shivers down his body. Her grinding in his lap as they made out only made him hard.

He knew he wasn't  going to let it get too far...no sex. He wasn't ready yet.

But he was horny...he couldn't  help it. 

His hand found it's  way under her shirt and kneaded her right breast. She moaned in response grinding more.

"Upstairs?" She muttered.

Ben kissed her neck, grabbing her ass, "no...not yet... I can't yet..."

"Ok..." she replied and ground into him harder.

The friction got the better of him.  He knew if she kept on he'd  cum in his damn pants.

"It's  late...I gotta go...but we can hang out again ...soon..." he said between  kisses, then scooted her off him.

She pouted a bit at the front door, her lips kiss swollen.

He sat in his car, uncomfortable... hormones raging...

He could have probably  slept with her...she was trying.

But it's  not what he wanted...he wanted more.  Sex now would start the same cycle as it was with Jessika....more physical than emotional. 

He drove home.  

In bed, he thought of Rey. Of her smile... her voice...her laugh.

Those expressive eyes...

She was such a good friend...but also... so beautiful  to him.

His hand gripped himself  inside his pajama  bottoms...the tension from LeaAnn wasn't  gone...

But it wasn't  her image that entered his mind...he imagined being near Rey...kissing her...her being in his lap like LeaAnn  had been...

It only took minutes for him to spill over his hand...and to feel guilty.

He cleaned  up and changed pants. 

Rey was special.  He shouldn't think of her body that way.

She's been used enough.

But he did. A part of him wanted her. 

He closed his eyes. 

He thought of how nice it would be the see her at school  Monday. 

He would keep trying  with LeaAnn... Rey encouraged it. It's what his friend wanted...

 She only saw him as her friend anyway.

 

 


	23. HIM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to leave...Alicia escaping was...unfortunate. they found my house that I was renting. I left no traces. I paid in cash. She couldn't tell them my name. I had a good run here. I'm in the news. Before I leave town I visit Alicia to say my goodbyes. I left her parents a lovely gift to wake up to. The new town is quiet. The surrounding towns are the perfect hunting ground. I found a menial job...I want to blend in. The house I'm renting isn't close to neighbors, but not too far out. Big yard. Basement is roomy.

My mananger is friendly...seems impressed with me. 

He gives me more and more responsibilities.

He takes me under his wing. I  eat at his house, we've  become ...  friends.

His daughter...just turned 13.

He has a picture of her on his desk. 

All bright eyes and smiles.

He talks about what a good student  she is, but shy.

He vents ... how his wife is bad about getting busy and forgetting to pick her up from school. 

He's  thinking about just getting  her a cell phone.

She visits him at work.

He lights up. She is his pride and joy.

He wishes she had more friends.

I enjoy my guests...

 I'm in the  news again... they've realized I've  relocated.

I'm hidden in plain sight.

The parents always cry.

The ages vary...depends what taste I'm in the mood for...

But like before... they  beg...they question...they cry...they scream.. they fight...

It's  delicious. 

I drink their pain down.

I watch her for a month.

She's  not the youngest to catch my  eye.

She brings cookies to his office. 

At dinners she's  timid and polite, not a big talker.

I wonder if she would scream as I took her...cut her...choked her...

It's been two weeks since I left Diane for her parents to find. They weren't  amused by the pieces of her in the box.  

Not a fan of puzzles I guess. 

She hadn't  lasted long. Weak.

It's  raining hard...I  left work early.

I made sure his cell phone was off.

Her mother was at the store. She forgot about Rey...

I drive by the school and wait. She is standing in the rain.

No one offers her a ride. She borrows a phone.

Looks sad.

Disappointed. 

She starts walking.

She's  soaked.

I offer her a ride.

She's  so exhausted  she falls asleep  in my car.

Perfect.

I stick the needle in her arm, just a small dose.

Just so she doesn't  wake while I get her all set and comfortable. 

I decide I want something  different from her.

I don't hurt her immediately. I'm kind...in my way.

I want to see how she reacts to my more brutal affections...with the others.

Rey doesn't  disappoint. 

I lap it up.

I keep her.

Her father cries at work. I comfort him...his wife...

I carry her  necklace  with me. He gave it to her.

It sits on my sink when I shower.

It's all so entertaining...

 

 

 

 


	24. Through the motions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey came back to school. Ben was relieved. She smiled in the hall. Chatted with him and Hux at lunch. In art class she showed him her new piece, and asked questions about his.

"Rey, are you ok? I know ...what happened.  Mom told me like you asked her to. You seem ok." Ben asked her after class.

"I'm ok Ben. I  have episodes ...but I  don't  want to let them control me anymore. I  don't want him to control me anymore... " Rey replied. 

Ben nodded, gave her a hug. "I'm here, just remember  that."

"Thanks." Rey said. "By the way, how are things with LeaAnn? I hope I didn't mess any progress  up, you're such a good friend.  I really want you to be happy."

Ben smiled,  "it's going...fine. Rey, you could never mess up anything. Want to come over after school?"

"Um...can't. I have plans with my mom today. Were taking flowers  to my dad's  grave. " Rey said a little  sad. 

"Ah, well if you need to talk just call me." Ben added.

 

* * *

 

 

He got in his truck to leave later,  and saw LeaAnn. 

"Hey, plans?" LeaAnn chirped. 

"No..." Ben replied. 

LeaAnn  beamed, "good! Ria wants to meet Hux, let's go get a burger and hang  out. It can be a double date."

He watched her text someone.

Hux came walking up with Ria. 

"Hey Ben, guess we're getting burgers?" Hux asked.

Ria poked him, "um yeah, with us silly."

Hux rode with Ria, LeaAnn with him to the restaurant.

Ben felt off. He really wanted to spend time with Rey. But it had to be when she wanted. She was being there for her mom today. That was important. 

At the restaurant he smile and tried to pay attention. 

Hux and Ria were hitting it off. Ben guessed that meant he wasn't  still pursuing Rey.

LeaAnn kept putting her hand on his knee and scooting closer.

Giggling.

Ben sighed. He was...bored.

"How about all four of us go bowling Friday night?" Ria suggested.

Hux grinned, "definately ! Ben?"

"Oh yeah we can!" LeaAnn  answered for him.

It annoyed him. But he figured he probably  should go, Rey wanted him to try. He had to give it a chance, Rey wasn't into him like that.

"Yeah, sounds good." Ben said.

LeaAnn smiled. "Great !"

* * *

 

Rey didn't  see her mother cry often, but she cried when Rey had episodes...and when she thought about Rey's  father.

They set flowers on his gravestone. Her mother said a few words. Rey did too.

Rey missed her dad, he was so kind. He saw the best in people like she did.

Her mother blamed him at first when the man who took her was identified.  

He had worked under her father, had been in their house.

But Rey didn't blame her dad...just the man who'd tormented  her. 

On their way home, they stopped for burgers. Her mother ordered a pickup order.

Rey ran in to grab it for them.

She saw Ben...saw Hux.

They were at a table with LeaAnn  and her friend Ria. They all looked awful cozy.

She heard them making plans to go bowling on a double date.

So it was going well...and now Hux was seeing her friend.

Hux had asked Rey out, she had politely  declined, they were just friends. He'd acted fine about it, not treated her any different. 

Just like Ben,  Hux had checked on her, text her, and called while she was ...indisposed.

No...Rey would not be holding either of her friends back from being happy. Having fun with girls that were more normal... whole. 

She felt sad but she smiled. Seeing them happy made her happy.

Ben didn't see her. She would text him later she decided. 

 

* * *

 

 

The week was uneventful.  Friday night came at him quick.

Rey  had been encouraging. 

Hux and Ria were very affectionate  at the bowling alley, it irritated  Ben a bit.

PDA.

LeaAnn kept touching him too. 

Still... it was mostly fun.

LeaAnn  was pretty, he liked her perfume.  Her sense of humor was odd, but cute.

 

* * *

 

 

Weeks later Hux cornered Ben. 

"Oh man... I have to talk to you!" Hux was grinning like crazy. 

Ben laughed at his wound uio buddy, "ok, what's  up?"

"Well, ya know I told you Ria's folks were out of town this weekend?  I hung out there Friday night then again Saturday night...well...I  am officially  not a virgin anymore. She already wasn't,  but I told her I didn't care which made her want to reward me. Dude...the first time I lasted like 5 minutes...but the second and third times? Man I killed it. It was awesome!" Hux laughed. "So, she's  my girlfriend  officially.  We even talked about prom."

Ben smirked, "happy for you I guess? Just take my advice and don't mistake lust for actual affection. Emotion is not just physical...you told me that about Jessika  remember?"

"Well Jess was a cold hearted bitch. She used you...Ria isn't  like that and we have fun.  LeaAnn  is really into you too...you two have hung out alot. Any hanky panky yet?"Hux prodded. 

Ben shook his head,  "not yet, well not past heavy making out. I'm  not sure I want to...yet."

"Ah. Well I know she would,  she told Ria she's  been wanting to.  She's not a virgin, so don't  feel guilty." Hux suggested.

Ben cringed."it's not that. I gotta meet mom, cya."

He needed away from Hux and his sex pep talk. 

There had been several close calls with LeaAnn...he'd been the one to stop.

He wondered if he just should, he wanted to ask Rey,  but thought that would be an unfair thing to bring up to her.

Things had been  smooth with Rey.

 They were back to normal at school,  she won the art contest she'd  entered.

He had took her out to celebrate, Hux had been busy with Ria.

They had a great time.

She came over to swim and watch movies after they ate.  

Homework  time together on the days she didn't  have sessions  with his mom.

She was supportive of Hux and him dating LeaAnn and Ria.

Rey was the best.

He liked being around her so much.

LeaAnn  was persistent  though. 

At her house, she always ended up kissing him and hands travelling.

He would have to decide. 

Soon.

 


	25. Sinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey knows...she knows she pushed Ben into dating LeaAnn. But ...it still hurts to see them. He looks happy, so he must be. He says he's happy, so it must be true. He needs someone he can touch...someone he can eventually explore every facet of sex with without them freaking out...someone that isn't covered in scars...inside and out. She knows...

Rey sinks into the familiar.  

She hears the voice in her head.

It tells her she is worth nothing. 

Damaged.

Unwanted.

She is sitting in the bathtub watching the bubbles dwindle. 

It's so quiet in her house...her mom and John  went out to dinner. 

Ben and Hux are at a movie, some chick flick that the girls  picked.

They  are going to a party after. 

Derek's  party, he's on the team with Ben.

Rey was actually  invited, Derek is kinda friendly. 

She didn't relish the idea of being around drunk boys...but being around Ben could have been fun.

She's never been to a high school  party. 

Her ...time away didn't allow the experience...and now she's  not sure how she would even feel there.

Sinking below the water's  surface, Rey holds her breath and closes her eyes...

She counts...

They dance at parties...drink...

People hook up...

Will Ben?

Rey bites her lip.

If she's  honest with herself, Rey misses him.

At first he didn't, but now he is spending  alot of time with LeaAnn. 

Rey wonders if he will ask her to prom.

Hux is going with Ria, he told her so.

Rey probably won't  get asked.

She's 17...and has no idea how to be. 

 

_"So sad today, did you miss me?" He says mocking her misery._

_Rey looks  away from him._

_She can't  stand his chipper tone._

_She hates his smell._

_She hates being what  he wants._

_She hates her scars...the bruises he leaves..._

_He makes her skin crawl,  he took her youth...even if she escapes she has no idea how to function._

_She had just him around her for so long..._

_What boy will want to kiss her?_

_He tells her she's  good for him...such a good girl..._

_But Rey feels like a whore...a slut... dirty...it's not her choice but it doesn't  change anything...no one will want her..._

_"I have a treat for you, a new toy." He tells her._

_She doesn't  turn to face him. She hopes if she just takes whatever it is he'll cum and let her sleep._

_The needle pierces her skin._

_Familiar  numbing. Haze._

_He undresses her and himself._

_He attaches something smooth and cold to her.  It sits snug against her clit. He tightens the straps to it._

_He turns her on her belly. She feels the slick liquid he coats on himself and her when he uses her ass...please no...no... she screams inside..._

_"it will feel so good...it will vibrate while I'm in you, help you cum. I  know you don't  usually  when I fuck you this way. But after sitting  through dinner with your weepy parents it's  what I needed tonight. " he tells her._

_So callous._

_So matter of fact._

_He turns on the vibrations. Sticks one finger in...two...works up to three...opening her up._

_She feels it...coiling...she comes panting._

_He replaces his fingers with his cock slowly...turns the level of the toy up..._

_Rey wants it scream and hit him... claw him..._

_She knows it changes nothing...so she takes it...it will be over soon..._

_He's  thrusting steady._

_She can't move.  The drug is cruel._

_She hears a click._

_His knife is open._

_He hasn't cut her in a while...But as he fucks her from behind...abusing her ass...and the toy vibrates her into another  release he starts..._

_He cuts into the back of her right arm ...the lines...reopening old scars he made...then the left..._

_"So beautiful...my good girl...no one will want you but me...I've made you mine..." he states as he quickens._

_It hurts._

_The dose wasn't  much this time...just enough to make her docile..._

_Rey closes her eyes...she pictures the ocean...the island...her escape..._

 

Ben hears a game of flip cup going on in the dining room.

He sees Derek, "Hey man, your house is full."

"Yeah, I don't know half of these people... friends of friends I guess..."Derek laughs, taking a sip of his beer.

Ben hasn't seen LeaAnn yet, he told her they'd meet them at the party.  Hux rode with him from the movie.

"I invited your girl Rey, she may not come but I figured it would make her feel included." Derek told him.

Ben nodded, "nice gesture, but yeah ...not really her scene...too many people...drunk people... loud..."

"Well, have fun, thanks for coming." Derek patted his shoulder and went outside.

Ben saw Jessika  headed upstairs with Matthew...Matthew smirked at him.

Hux was already dancing, he didn't  care what anybody thought.

Ben chuckled, brave Hux...who had no game...no moves.

An hour or so later, after more alcohol, pairs were  vanishing to find dark places to snog.  Drinking games were causing more skin to show...and bad decisions.

LeaAnn  and Ria  showed up wanting to drink and dance.

Ben was not much of one, but he swayed.

Hux disappeared  with Ria. 

"I swear they're like fucking rabbits!" LeaAnn  joked. 

"True story..." Ben replied. 

She kept rubbing him, kissing him. "we could be too...."

Ben knew...she was frustrated  with him for holding back. His reputation  prior did him no favors...

"Sure...um...upstairs?" He said lowly.

She grabbed his hand. 

One of the rooms upstairs was Derek's  dad's  office, but it had a couch and the door locked.

Ben let her take control. 

He owed her he guessed.

 

When they were done ...laying naked on the couch, Ben sighed.

It was ok,  but not some mind blowing experience. 

He liked her, she was fun. But he didn't have feelings for LeaAnn. 

Fucking her in a drunk haze out of obligation didn't create feelings.

She curled into his side, petting his chest.

He could still hear the booming music downstairs.

He needed to not do this again...

 

* * *

 

 

Breaking it off had been harder than he thought, she was nice...

Every time he got her alone and tried to tell her...they ended up sleeping together.

She would change his words around, it was confusing.

He had to do it in a crowded public place...she couldn't  pounce him in front of a bunch of people.

Hux was no help. He was too entralled  with Ria.

Ben had to.

He needed to feel something.

Not just a fucking orgasm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	26. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat in Leia's office figiting. Her thoughts were jumbled.

"Rey, this is a pleasant  surprise..." Leia greeted. 

Rey nodded, "I  know it's not a session  day, but you told me if I needed to talk I could come by anytime..."

"I sure did, what's  wrong honey?" Leia knew, Rey had been distracted  at her last few sessions....quiet.

Rey took a deep breath, "it's  complicated....I  like someone.  But I don't  know how to be close with him or let him know...I  could freak out if he held my  hand or tried to kiss me...my nightmares have been pretty intense lately."

Leia  smiled, "all normal teenage worries...and the right boy would be patient if he knew your past pain. You would attempt touch in stages...building up to the most physical aspects later. Do not rush yourself  or your healing for only his benefit. A real caring relationship involves many things...not just sex."

"I understand,  sex ...anything physical  has been corrupted  by that monster...it's a negative in my head....a trigger to what he did. But I want more...to learn how..." Rey began to cry and Leia held her. 

* * *

 

Ben dropped in to see his mom, Ann  wasn't at her desk,... no appointments  were written down, so he marched right through her door.

There sat Rey...being held by his mother...crying...

Ben felt like his heart stopped. "Mom? Rey are you ok?"

Rey wiped her face, pulled away from Leia.  " um... mostly, just needed to talk. "

"You should always knock Ben,...  everything ok?" His mother asked. 

He blanched, "yeah, I have a slight issue...it's not as important  as anything  Rey needs..."

"Actually  it's fine, um...Leia do you mind if Ben takes me home since he's here? Mom is busy, and I don't feel comfortable taking a cab right now..."  Rey asked.

Leia gave her another hug, "no problem  at all, I know Ben won't mind .....Ben, we can talk later tonight?"

"That'd be great mom, and yeah I can ...no problem  Rey." Ben replied.

They made their way outside, got in his truck.

He wasn't  sure what was wrong, but he hoped she was ok.

The ride to her house was quiet.

Rey looked out the window.

At her house, Rey  turned to him when she got out, "come in for a bit?"

Her expression looked dire, her heart hurt. He couldn't  tell her no...not that he would want to.

"Sure." Ben answered.

 

* * *

 

 

He followed  her in, she fixed them a snack.

He watched her dip her spoon into her peanut  butter and jelly jars eating with no bread as he ate his sandwich.

He loved it. Just one of many things she did that made him smile. 

"Movie?" She asked.

He deliberated, he was actually  already supposed  to be at LeaAnn's..."yeah..."

His phone started buzzing an hour later...Rey sitting next him on her bed watching The Princess Bride.

He hit ignore.

It did it over and over. He turned his phone off.

"You can answer it, it might be LeaAnn..." Rey suggested.

Ben shrugged,  "later..."

So they kept watching.

Next was Labyrinth...

Ben felt peaceful sitting with her.

Close but not touching, but it felt so good.

So different from being around LeaAnn. 

He felt something...

Looking down...

Rey had twined her hand with his...

A big step for her he knew.

"This ok?" She asked softly.

"Of course." Ben answered. 

It was a big step for him too.


	27. Sleeping beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia got a text from Gail early in the morning, 6 am. Very early. She clicked it open. (Your son is here...if you were wondering, he fell asleep with Rey watching movies...I noticed after midnight...I didn't have the heart to wake them...I left her door open..., and I just checked...they are still asleep...) Leia grinned.... interesting...

Gail also sent a picture.  

Leia took a deep breath as she looked at it.

There was Rey...and her son...

He was laying on his back,  his arm protectively around Rey, who was peacefully  slumbering against his broad chest.

Still in the clothes they'd been wearing in her office. 

So he'd stayed...no wonder he hadn't  answered  his phone. 

Leia smiled to herself.

 

She knew two things...

One...her son loved Rey...or at least cared very deeply for the girl...

Two...she suspected  the 'boy' Rey mentioned liking was probably  Ben...

The fear Rey expressed in her office was not evident in this picture.

Rey felt safe enough in Ben's  presence that she fell asleep  with him.

She hoped the both of them wouldn't  react badly when they woke up. 

 

* * *

 

Ben was warm...his neck stiff.

His eyes went wide.

He was definately  not at home...

Hux's...

or LeaAnn's...

He peaked down and saw Rey draped over his chest. 

He smiled. 

It wasn't  horrible to see...or feel if he was honest with himself. 

He rembered Rey taking his hand.

He vaguely  remembered watching most of the second  movie...they must have dozed off.

She'd felt safe enough to fall asleep with him.

Rey stirred."oh...hi. I'm sorry...I  didn't  mean to..."

She looked slighty panicked and moved away from him. She looked like she expected him to be upset.

Ben didn't  want that.

"No no...we just fell asleep...I  guess the goblin king didn't  keep our attention. " Ben joked. 

Rey smiled, "Bowie was still a hot goblin king..."

"No doubt." Ben laughed.

Rey glanced at her phone, and handed him his." Probably  need to check your phone."

Ben turned his on.

21 missed texts,  8 missed calls.

He had texts from Hux, many  from LeaAnn, a few from his mother.

All the missed calls were from LeaAnn. 

Ben sighed, she was most definately  pissed because he had blown her off.

But did he regret it? ....not at all.

Rey held his hand.

Rey cuddled with him.

That was HUGE. 

And slightly unnerving...

And wonderful...

"Breakfast?" Rey asked.

"Sure." He replied.

They were both surprised how friendly and not upset Rey's  mother was when they came into the kitchen. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben left to go home after breakfast.

He needed a shower and to get ready for school. 

He dreaded seeing LeaAnn at school. He knew where that conversation  was headed...he needed to end things... permanently.

He hoped Rey was still ok about last night.  

She had not freaked out when she woke up....good sign.

He never wanted to hurt her...she meant too much to him.

 

 


	28. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben didn't get the lecture he expected when he came home to get ready for school. Just a knowing smile. He assured her nothing happened, and she nodded. Told him he was going to be late for school.

He didn't  see Rey at first,  he did run into a very pissed off LeaAnn.

"What the hell Ben?! You said you'd be over by 6. I called and texted you...no answer! I called your house too...you weren't  home! You weren't  at Hux's, I checked! Who were you with ? Please tell me you aren't  fucking Jessika again...she's  been seeing Matthew!" LeaAnn screamed at him.

Ben has never liked being bombarded in public, "can you not  quit yelling for five seconds so I can answer?...and maybe wait until were alone?"

She nodded, "fine, come on." 

They ducked into the nearest empty classroom.

"Talk Ben. " she demanded arms crossed her chest. She had a scowl that rivaled his mother's when she was in a foul mood.

Ben swallowed. "Look, I  was not with Jessika....I  told you I've  been  done with that trainwreck a long time. I was not at Hux's. But honestly I don't owe you an explanation, you are not actually  my girlfriend.  We've  been hanging out...and yes fucking, but that was you pushing that aspect. I  just gave in. But if you think about it I've  been trying to end this for weeks. Every time I try to talk to you about it you straddle me or end up sucking my dick to distract me. It's not working LeaAnn...I  do like you, you're hot and fun, but I  don't  have feelings for you...I  can't  lie. I  don't  see the point in pursuing  this any further..."

She stared at him, "I  see, ...you didn't  seem to mind too much when we were together or with our friends out,  now you say none of it was anything...just sex. That's  really shitty Ben!"

"I know...I'm sorry, it isn't  fair to you. I  guess I almost hoped my feelings would change.  But truth is I don't want a girlfriend  right now, there's  a lot going on in my head." Ben tried to make her understand.

LeaAnn smacked his face, "I  understand  you're an asshole! A selfish prick who has moved on to his next bitch I suppose! Don't  fucking call me when it blows up in your face!" 

She marched off in a huff.

He got a  dirty look from Ria as her and Hux walked up. Anyone near the classroom heard their argument...

Hux and Ria definately  had. 

"Sounds...like we're not doubling for junior prom." Hux joked.

Ben chuckled, "um...no."

"So where were you last  night? LeaAnn  called me looking. I text you." Hux asked.

Ben gave him a serious  look,  "Actually  I was with...Rey. I ran into her at my mom's  office, gave her a ride home. She was feeling emotional I guess, we ended up watching couple movies, just hung out. Some point during the second movie she held my hand..." 

Hux  grinned, "That's  awesome, big for her...so you stayed there? All night?"

"Not on purpose...we fell asleep,  but it's  a big thing too. She was laying against my chest, I had my arm around her when we woke up...she didn't  freak out. It means she felt safe like that with me...touching her. She's  been letting her mom, my mom hug her...but these are big steps for her. " Ben  added.

Hux nodded,  "yeah, I'm glad.  LeaAnn  would be really mad if she found out it was Rey though, even if you two are just friends..."

"I don't know if that's what I want anymore...to just be friends. I  think I  have stronger feelings for her than I realized.  I  felt jealous when I thought she might go out with you...and I pushed myself with LeaAnn trying not to acknowledge it. But even though we were sleeping together, there was nothing there...but even just being near Rey...there is...I  feel protective...her smile lights up everything,  if she's  said I'm sad, her pain hurts me...and I understand and know her past...I  think I  love her." Ben saw the worry in Hux's  eyes.

Hux replied, "if you do... take it slow, she's still  fragile...but do you even know if she feels the same?"

"That's  what I need to know.  And if not, I  still want to be there for her as her friend...always. She  means so much to me." Ben knew how hard it could be if she rejected him. He didn't care.

They went to class. 

Lunch was uneasy, but Rey tried to comfort him about his spat with LeaAnn. Hux small talked.

In art class Ben watched Rey, it mesmerized  him as she painted.

She smiled when they crossed glances.

He offered to give her a ride home after school. 

At her house they worked on homework. Then watched a movie he picked. Action. 

No hand holding today.

He didn't try to.

When he left she gave him a hug goodbye though, he felt warm all the way home.

Rey...he loved her.

He knew it in his heart. In his bones.

He also had no idea how to tell her. 

He needed her to know...but also that there were no physical expectations... despite his record.

He wanted more from her than that. Needed more.

And she deserved more after what was taken from her. 

He knew most of what happened to her now, she had talked to him, she'd shown him some of the notebooks. It was so cruel. 

Rey felt unwanted and used.

He wanted her to feel all the joys of exploration  in a positive way over time...if possible.

To replace the traumatic experiences with new memories. 

If...sex ever happened...he hoped she would feel like it was her real first time.  A beautiful loving thing.

Ben was in for a long journey if he pursued this wonderful, scary train of thought.

But ...was it worth it...the possibility?

Loving her?

 

...definately.

 

 


	29. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey woke up before Ben...only slightly. At first her reaction was panic...then she realized it was Ben and her heartbeat calmed...she breathed him in. He was so warm, he looked so beautiful. She layed her head back onto his chest and closed her eyes. Moments later he stirred.  
> He wasn't angry they'd fell asleep together...only concerned she was ok. Her Ben...always so careful with her...thoughtful. but he really wasn't 'her's'...he was LeaAnn's...

She listened to Ben talking with Hux about LeaAnn at lunch. 

So it was over?

He didn't  seem too bothered...or sad...maybe frustrated.

Hux mentioned he was still ok with Ria, they were still going to prom...which was a pretty good ways away yet.

The rest of the day had been fine.

Waves and smiles in art class.

Ben drove her home after school.

After homework  he asked if she wanted to watch an action movie he wanted to see.

Rey didn't  mind.

He didn't  try to get too close. 

He didn't  try to hold her hand. 

He was present.

Rey wanted to reach out again...

But didn't.   

He didn't  break things off with LeaAnn for her...

She knew he was her friend...

But Rey felt more now...it was obvious to her more  every day. 

He made her stomach flutter.

He made her fear vanish.

She wanted him to touch her. 

He was her rock.

When he was leaving she was determined to be brave...show him things were changing...

she was changing...

growing...

Rey hugged him. 

He seemed happily surprised.  

Smiled.

Rey already missed him when the door closed. 

As she lay on her bed that night she remembered the feel of him.

 

 

_Rey hated it..._

_He had started staying in the basement  with her most nights when he finished with her..._

_It made her sick._

_He wrapped around her from behind, petting her stomach or hip like a lover...someone wanted..._

_But she didn't want that..._

_He used the drug on her more now...to keep her receptive..._

_She'd always just laid there silent frozen anyway..._

_Waiting for it to be over...wanting to live but at the same time wanting to die..._

_In her own head she wailed and fought...screamed and clawed free... ran..._

_But he must sense that...or he just found amusement  in drugging her..._

_She felt disgusting  as he held her at night, kissed her neck or shoulders...telling her how good she was...his..._

_When she knew he was asleep... sometimes she allowed herself to cry..._

_She would wake to him thrusting inside her sometimes too... grunting.  she knew the dose had been higher those times._

_She didn't want to know what he did to her while she was unconscious...when she didn't  wake up during..._

_"No one will ever touch you like I do...will make you feel so good... such a good girl...14 now...such a big girl now for me..." he muttered still pacing inside._

_Rey cried inside._

_She stared at the ceiling or the wall..._

_She waiting for him to be done with her...get bored with his pet...be ready for a new pet...to kill her..._

 

Rey was covered in sweat. She wrote down her dream...memory to show Leia.

She got a drink of juice,  changed shirt, and like usual tried to go back to sleep...praying another nightmare wasn't  waiting on her.

 

_Rey  sat by the water, the ocean currents lapping the sandy shore._

_She glanced around...no basement ?_

_...no HIM?_

_"Hey, are we going to swim or what?" A familiar  voice asked._

_Rey looked to see a warm smile._

_Ben...?_

_"Um...let's just sit a minute." She replied..._

_"Sure." Ben answered, plopped  down beside her._

_Before she could really absorb  it, he leaned in and kissed her cheek, took her hand._

_Rey felt...relief._

_Joy._

_She smiled at him._

_"It's  beautiful  here." She said, gazing out._

_He nodded, "you're  beautiful...I  love you so much."_

_Rey turned stunned._

_"I do. You have given me so much." He continued._

_Rey leaned forward. Kissed him on his lips._

_It was gentle. But she loved it._

_Rey pulled away and had the reply  to his words on her tongue...she wanted to tell him she loved him too..._

_But before she could..._

_She woke to her alarm._

 

"well that was different. " Rey stated sitting up in her bed. 

She touched her fingers to her lips...

Could she kiss him?

Would he want it?

Did he feel about her like she thinks she does about him?

She wrote down this dream as well in her notebook.

She giggled a little...how was Leia going to react to Rey dreamimg about her son?

 


	30. Dreams or nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia sat with Rey in her office, they'd already enjoyed tea and she was reading over the last several entries in the latest notebook.

Leia set the notebook down and smiled fondly up at Rey,  "well, it seems you are still regularly  having memories of him... coming through your nightmares...yet now a nice dream emerged...of my son no less..."

Rey hid her face with her hands, "I  know...it's ... I  can't help it...I  like him...Ben... he's  the boy I mentioned  liking...it's scary but great."

Leia chuckled, "It's  sweet, and believe me dear...not a surprise.  You two have been quite close...he was the first person you allowed in besides me...he opened you up to getting to know Hux...speaking verbally  again...after years of keeping solitude...silence as your protective barriers. He was persistent...you care about him. He hasn't judged you or pushed."

"He saw my physical scars and didn't cringe away...taken time to understand  the mental and emotional roller coaster I deal with daily...the psychological  and sexual  aspects  of what happened  to me don't seem to scare him...he is still gentle... patient. I  love him Leia...I  love your son...how could I not?" Rey stated and began to cry.  "I held his hand...he held me all night...it felt...real and safe... normal. "

Leia rubbed her hand, "it is normal... these feelings developed in a healthy way. Yes you have a lot of healing still to do, but you've also come such a long way. Ben has been part of that journey." 

"I don't know how to tell him...or if I even can yet.  He was very involved with LeaAnn...I  know it got physical. That intimidates me, even though he broke it off." Rey says.

"I don't delve into his personal... things ...unless he volunteers the information...but if he broke it off, despite the sexual aspect...it means it didn't feel right to him. I can't speak for him. You need to talk to him. When you're ready. " Leia assured her.

Rey wiped her face, "yes, you are right, I need more time I think. My dream about him was nice, it makes me want to step over to the ledge a bit...risk or not."

"Risking means the possibility  of winning...not just losing..." Leia stated.

Rey beamed, "I  see that... thankyou. Mom encourages it, him...she thinks he's  perfect for me. Has been a good friend. Woud make a good relationship. "

"Just test the waters...see how he feels...go from there." Leia knew though. She'd seen it in Ben herself. Ben loved Rey too...

Rey left feeling a bit more encouraged.

She text Ben about a game night at his house with Hux too ? Text Hux.

Hux was up for it.

Ben said definately. 

Rey needed to prepare her mind...testing the waters...

What will that entail?


	31. Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her talk with Leia, Rey knew. Her feelings were there...she couldn't ignore them. She attacked each day the same as always though.

Rey definately  didn't  find herself  staring at Ben at lunch the next week while he argued with LeaAnn  across the room...

Or during art class...

Or at his house while they did homework...

She didn't  hang on his every word...

He was his usual kind self. It unnerved her.

He looked so good.

Smelled wonderful.

He was back to being around alot.

Gossip had him seeing Jessika  again... but she killed that rumor fast. She was dating Matthew.

I

LeaAnn  started seeing Dopheld and calmed her aggressive interactions with Ben.

Ben smiled at her and held her hand when they were watching movies. 

Rey ...felt good about that. 

But the voice in her head was diligently creating self doubt and Rey needed answers. 

She knew he'd  answer anything  she asked...

"Ben, do you think it will be hard for me to be close physically  to someone when I'm...ready? Like to kiss them...let them hold me? More? Will someone even want to  if they know what he did? How old I was? How long it went on? If they see the scars?" Rey held nothing back, she needed his answers.

Ben turned to her a bit shocked, their movie playing loud, "well...I  assume if you care about someone enough to consider trying these...things...wanting them.  It will be scary for you, and if you have the right person they will be patient...listen...won't care about the past or the scars he left because when they see you or kiss you etc...you are all that will be in their mind." 

"If it's  the right guy, it will just happen...not to overthink it?" Rey asked.

Ben squeezed the hand he held,  "of course...you are beautiful  Rey. You are an amazing  person inside and out. Whoever has caught your attention is very lucky... and if they hurt your feelings I'll punch them."

Rey laughed. 

She pictured Ben punching himself.

They watched the rest of their movie.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey woke up warm. Oh!

Apparently  during their second movie they had fallen asleep.

Ben lay on his side. Looked peaceful.

Rey bit her lip.

She wanted to try.

Kiss.

It wasn't that scary...all she had to do was lean over slowly...gently.

Rey stared at his face,  her shaky fingers  traced his cheek, his jaw, his lips...

Her stomach twisted and heart felt like it might explode.

But she scooted closer...she leaned nearer...

Rey lightly kissed his mouth.

He didn't move. 

Then suddenly he shifted onto his back.

Rey sat up, scooted closer again.

His lips had been...soft.

She moved some hair out of his face.

Leaning down she kissed him again.

He didn't  open his eyes but in his sleep was kissing back...

A hand went to her hair...his mouth opened slightly, tongue trying to gain entrance to deepen the kiss.

For a moment Rey panicked.

Then his taste hit her ...and she opened her mouth to his and their tongues slid across eachother's...

Her own fingers threaded into his hair...

This was what the first kiss should have been like!  This really was her first kiss in all the ways that mattered. 

Rey lost herself in it.

In Ben.

After a few minutes, he pulled back.

"Rey?" Ben said sleepy  and breathless. 

Rey blushed, "I  wanted you to be my first real kiss...I  feel safe with you."

Ben sat up,  "you kissed me Rey... I ..."

"It's  ok if you don't want me like that Ben... I  didn't  expect you or anyone to..." Rey smiled. 

She had hoped...

He leaned in and kissed her again.

She melted.

He kissed her!

"I didn't say anything  like that Rey, I  am very attracted to you...I  have wanted to kiss you.  The person you like? Is it me?" He asked timidly. Their faces still close.

"I ...um....yes? Sorry, I know you're used to sex and faster pace with others...I  can't  do... that, but I have feelings for you...have for a long time. I  feel attracted to you too. You make me want things...that I'm terrified of because  of my triggers. ...the memories." Rey teared up a little. 

Ben soothed her, hugged her, rubbing her back. "It's  fine, don't  compare yourself  to any other girl.  I  am not going anywhere,  I  ...love you Rey. I  tried to ignore it because  I  didn't  think this could happen...I'm sorry about LeaAnn...I  want things too. But there's  no time stamp on that...I  can wait. I  like just holding your hand, spending time together. Kissing or holding you...I  know how big that is for you. It's  precious  that you trust me that much."

"I love you too...you have helped me so much. I have a long way to go..." Rey stated.

"I'll  help you...your pace. Ok?" Ben coaxed.

Rey grinned. "It's  ...late. stay? Hold me while we sleep?"

Ben nodded, "of course. We can figure out what this means tomorrow. "

They curled together. He held her.

They fell asleep content.

Tomorrow  meant facing this new truth.

And everyone else...

 

 

 


	32. Hand in hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's nightmares abated for a solid week. She had not felt such relief or freedom in years. Her tormentor's death had not freed her...he haunted her...but Ben's presence had calmed her nights.

Ben and Rey faced school together.

Hand in hand they walked back through the doors ready to  face judgement...scrutiny...

Ben knew they'd  get dirty looks from LeaAnn ...possibly others.

Hux had been  very encouraging.  He loved them and seemed proud of her.

Leia assured her she wasn't disappointed  in the slightest as well, she cared about Rey...her recovery. She didn't  feel like Rey  was holding her son back from anything.

Matthew looked like he wanted to say something in the hall the 3rd day when  he passed them...but held his tongue with a snarl.

Their daily routines didn't  change,  just proximity.  

Rey let him be close. He stayed with her at night just holding her while  they slept.

It was scary how much she trusted him...

Ben was frightened  too...he wanted nothing more than to be near her...he felt an overwhelming drive to protect her from the nightmares...against anything that hurt her.

Leia had a responsibility chat with him after he stayed gone the first two nights...

Gail assured her nothing was happening.

Rey's bedroom  door stayed open. When she checked on them she saw them clothed and asleep.

Both mothers were in new territory.

Ben took Rey to do things. Dates.

Bowling, movies, dinners, the library, ...he wanted to give her normal interactive experiences.

He would kiss her, hold her hand, ...at night they watched her movies, read together or worked on projects for art class...or other homework.

He held her like she thinks a normal  boyfriend  would.

This wasn't stolen from her...love... affection...

It made her hopeful...that someday sex wouldn't  terrify her...

That her need and want of Ben could overshadow  her rape... torture...

She remembered how frozen she was sitting in the ambulance  after she was found...she couldn't  find the words to explain how she felt...she just remained quiet...like while he had her...saying what he'd done out loud made it real...

She didn't  even want to speak until ...Ben.

He was the catalyst...what woke her up...

She felt like he saw past it...

 

Her father had found her because the sick bastard had slipped up and left her necklace out...if that hadn't  happened would she still be his...?

Still in that basement?

Still at his whims?

Her father found them in an act... humilating...but he'd saved her...

Her father died saving her physical body from that monster...

Ben was saving her mind...

Rey loved him. 

She is sure her father would have liked Ben.

Rey remembered the time in the hospital...how she reacted to the male  doctors...

She'd  hated being sedated...it reminded her of him drugging her...

The center after was quiet... Leia was kind.

Leia had been so much a part of her life since. Years of trying to put Rey back together.

And now... Ben was too.

Rey found herself thinking about prom.  

Something she never thought she was capable  of wanting...

An entire week of HIM out of her head.

Is this what happiness feels like?

Feeling beautiful  and wanted?

Accepted and protected?

Rey was thankful.

She curled her fingers into his as the fell asleep,  the sound of his breathing a lullaby.

He smelled like warmth and home.

He nuzzled his head against hers.

He seemed satisfied  with them...

Maybe in time she could be braver... show him physically  how she felt  too...

 

 

 

 

 


	33. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be a teen is to be hormonal...stubborn... somtimes selfish...driven to want independence...Rey lost her youth...the time to be carefree and explore herself...her wants... her dreams...feel body changes...feel self curiosity...to be 17 now....feeling lost yet hopeful.

_"that's it Rey...spread your legs wider for me...use one finger at first...feel along the slit, that's  your opening, the bundle of nerves at the top is your clit...if you stimulate that and touch your slit it feels good..." he directed._

_Rey complied...._

_Rey was barely starting puberty  when he took her...she hadn't  quite started touching herself yet... the urge not present..._

_He got closer still holding the knife where she could see..._

_"Add a second finger with that hand, pump the fingers in and out, rub your clit with pressure using your other hand. Keep looking at me..." he ordered._

_He watched her intently._

_He was bringing in his guests...but to her relief, he was not touching her...he was trying to teach her about exploring  herself...entertain him._

_He wanted to direct it, educate, control Rey..._

_"Well done...you're getting wetter for me...go faster..." he palmed himself through his pants with his free hand._

_Rey was breathing steady,  but she felt wetness between  her legs...something foreign building..._

_It scared her..._

_She hated performing for him..._

_He'd  make the girls do it sometimes before hurting them... everything he did depended on his mood..._

_Rey came._

_It was overwhelming..._

_"Good girl...now when I do it you will come even harder..." his promise made her stomach  twist._

_Rey started to close her legs..._

_Overrun with embarrassment from having her first orgasm  in front of her kidnapper...the man raping and killing other young girls in front of her..._

_"Oh no...keep them wide...I  want to watch your pussy glistening...lick the fingers clean that were inside you...then do what I directed again for me...then perhaps you can have a hot bath...dinner...or would you prefer punishment?" He prodded._

_Rey nodded...feeling helpless._

_She didn't feel like a 13 year old child...she felt like a whore on display..._

_Inside she balled...kicked screamed... cussed at him..._

_But in his direction she followed orders._

_Licking her fingers clean she felt disgusting..._

_Working her small fingers inside her warm wetness  again. She found a similar rhythm..._

_Her thumb on the other hand rubbing firm circles against her clit..._

_She stared at him blankly  again._

_At the knife...at the bulge he was palming ..._

_The effect was quicker this time..._

_She soaked her fingers._

_He seemed pleased. Grinning._

_"Very good...bath time...your dinner will be ready for you after. Follow me..." he coaxed._

_Rey felt...oddly grown._

_Wishing she touched herself on her own before..._

_She wondered if he would keep tainting these experiences  for her until her took her virginity...?_

_If she survived, would touching herself ever feel ok?_

_Could she orgasm ?_

_Her mother had given her the talk...But Rey had barely been able to speak to a boy before ...this._

_Could barely look them in the eye in class besides Finn._

_Rey laid in the tub. She heard him clanking around in the kitchen after locking her in the bathroom he let her use._

_Rey sighed._

 

 

Rey enjoyed the bubbles.

The hot water did trigger the memory, but it didn't  make her anxious this time.

She didn't have a breakdown  and cry.

It was new to feel...less burdened.

She smiled.

Her breasts peaking through the surface of the water caught her eyeline.

Ben would want to touch her someday...the tenderness  he was already demonstrating  was sublime.

She wondered...

Could she do it now? Was she able?

Her fingers found her nub beneath the warm liquid...others sneaking inside gently...slowly...

Scared...

But it felt...ok...

She tried replacing the image in her head of HIM watching her...

Replace it with Ben's  kind face...

With Ben's  loving voice...

Rey felt...calm...

Moving quicker creating the familar coiling within...something she'd  denied herself  for so long...

She pictured Ben helping her...his hands parting her thighs...his fingers working inside instead of her own...

His gaze on her, filled with want...

She bit her lip trembling...

She came screaming softly his name...

She'd  never come so hard before...

Breathless and throbbing...she closed her eyes...oh god...she thought that was...wow...

Then picturing Ben  actually  doing that to her made her nervous  but exited...

She wanted that...maybe not yet, but she could picture it without hyperventilating...progress.

Out of the tub, back in her room she threw on a pair of pajamas. 

She tugged on the hoodie he'd left there.

She was healing, pieces at a time...

That man...he didn't  destroy her...the parts of her she thought unreachable... were in her sights. 

Rey felt victorious...

 


	34. Groups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia encouraged Rey to try a group session with victims of similar crimes. She felt her patient was just getting stronger and stronger.

Rey sat in her uncomfortable  chair, nursing her drink.  

They were sitting in a circle, 8 of them. Various ages.

The church hosting was nothing fancy.

Leia was leading the session.

Rey was asked to introduce herself like everyone else...but told she didn't  have to talk to the group until she felt  ready.

So this time...Rey listened.

 

The first  speaker had been attacked  and raped by a stranger. He was in jail. She was 23, an elementary school  teacher. Rey saw strength in her eyes.

The second speaker was 15, her uncle had been molesting her since she was 2. Her mother prevented him from raping the girl. Rey saw the fear in her face as she described  how he had touched her when he was supposed  to be babysitting. Caught only because her mother came home early one night when he had her pinned...33 year old bank teller.

The third speaker killed her rapist. She'd  been vacationing  with friends in New York. Attacked outside of a club. She'd  stabbed him in the neck as he climaxed with a pen. She was a 27 year old writer, always had a pen in her jacket pocket to jot down ideas...

The rest were similar cases...

Raped, or attempted... some attackers caught, one not. One woman had been been attacked by her own husband...one by her father resulting in pregnancy which led to an abortion once he was in jail.

Rey saw varied levels of closure... tears...anger...

Rey saw some of herself in them...

"Are any of you in functioning physical relationships?" Rey interrupted.

Leia smiled, "that is an honest question based on your own progress Rey, very good."

Rey nodded.

"Yes...it took a long time but the man I  date now was patient...I have moments sometimes, but most of the time we can have sex...without a bad reaction. You can be a sexual person even after being raped...it just takes time..." the woman that answered had been kidnapped by an ex, raped and brutalized...left for dead. 

"I haven't  been able to yet...men in general trigger me to think of my father.  But I hope to some day." The girl who'd chosen an abortion  looked so sad and sullen.

Rey was encouraged by a couple being now married with children. 

Those came to help others like they'd  been helped. Be supportive. 

"Depression and feeling alone is a common feeling after trauma...you think no one can see past the damage left...love you or want you but someone can..." Leia stated.

Rey looked at the women around her. 

She had a new sensation of purpose. She could forgive herself.  Accept good things in her life...because she finally thinks she deserves them.

After the session Leia stopped her, "I  think this went well...this group meets three times a month..maybe next time you can tell them your story Rey, build from there..."

"I want to come back...will I still come to your office twice a week? Rey asked.

"Yes, our one on one sessions still seem needed, but we can make those less frequent when you feel you are ready. " Leia told her.

Rey hugged her, "I...made some... progress with something...I  had a memory creep in ...a humiliating  one. But I tried to shape it into something...positive. I  tried to picture someone I wanted instead of HIM...so I  could...touch myself for the first time and orgasm. I  ...was able to picture it was Ben...I  was able to come and felt relief."

Leia was quiet a moment, "that is progress...you mentioned the memory was in that sense then?"

"He...before he started touching me he made me follow directions touching myself for his entertainment...as young as I was I  hadn't  done that yet...so when I was freed from him...I  could not do it...but now I  have...it was nice." Rey blushed. " I  know you are my doctor...but it's  probably  wierd to hear I fantasied about your son and got myself off..."

Leia chuckled,  "it's  ok Rey, progress is progress...he will be 18 shortly...I  am not naive...I  know my son hasn't  been a virgin in a while...and fantasies  are human nature, healthy. It's  a good sign that your healing is right on track that you were able to replace nightmarish images with fantasy. I am proud of you. He would be too..."

"Thankyou...he makes me feel like I can keep moving forward...you raised a kind person.  He is like you...open and patient." Rey smiled.

Rey asked Leia to give her a ride home.  Ben was with Hux tonight, wasn't  coming over. But she would see him at school the next day.


	35. Don't bend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Hux came in his front door laughing.

"Hey man, see ya tomorrow." Hux said as he left.

Ben waved and headed to his room.

Leia appeared in the hallway enroute to the kitchen."oh, you're  home Ben...late night"

"Yeah, Hux and I bowled until they closed and then shot some pool at Leo's." Ben explained.

"Ah...well I'm  going to have some ice cream...want some?" Leia offered.

Ben nodded. 

They sat in the kitchen eating his favorite  ice cream.

"How did her first group session go, did she like it?" Ben asked then took a huge bite.

Leia smiled, "I will let her tell you details, but yes I think it was good for her. She wants to attend again in addition  to her normal sessions with me. Ben...can I  ask you something personal?"

"Sure mom..." Ben looked at her cautious.

"I  know you ...have been active a while, I haven't  been too nosy...but since you and Rey are growing ...close...I  need to understand  your intentions...based on your previous  relationship intimacy  levels. She has grown to trust you so much...gotten comfortable." Leia took a serious tone.

Ben understood, "you're  protective of Rey. I  admit my choices have been ....lacking. Before Jessika I slept with several girls...just sex. Jessika used me, again just sex. LeaAnn to her credit was trying  to be closer, but the physical part was again just sex...and being close to her didn't  feel any more right than being with Jess  had. Empty. Rey changed everything..."

"You care about Rey..." Leia replied.

"No mom, it's  more than that. She caught my attention...I  couldn't  see past her...stop wanting to get to know her...be a friend to her and yes protect her. Her past is rough, ugly...but she is amazing. I  know nothing with her can be fast...but she makes me better. And I  feel like I have helped her refind herself...the girl he tried to possess and destroy.  I  love her mom, I  don't care how slow we go...I  won't  push her. I learned from her...intimacy is more than sex...it's so much more..." Ben knew he meant every word.

"I believe you...I'm glad you have her.  I  know she is grateful  for you as well. Just understand, it can be difficult being in a relationship with a trauma victim...they can have episodes or backsteps at random." Leia hoped she was right...that her son was strong enough for the love they found...

Ben put his bowl and spoon in the sink. "I'm going to bed mom, goodnight."

In bed he thought of Rey, she hadn't asked about his past sexcapades ...how she fit in ...

He didn't want her to feel pressured to push herself  too fast  to please him...he text her.

 

(I hope hearing the other victims talking about their journeys is helpful for you...if I  could have...I  would have gone with you and held your hand...) 

 

His phone buzzed.

 

(I  know you would have, and you were with me...hearing them did help...I  saw possibilities  for myself. I  didn't tell my story yet...I  might next time. I  am going back.) 

 

Ben smiled. Rey could see a future for herself.

 

(Goodnight Rey.)

 

 

(Goodnight Ben)


	36. Textures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey used her fingers to shape the paint. The canvas was huge. As tall as her. This was her. The colors rich and full of textures as she mixed them. There is beauty is the breaking...the reformation after the shatter.

_"you create so easily... uninterrupted here...I  did you a favor giving you this freedom to explore...art is full of pain. I  inspire you." He laughed. His hand petting  her hair._

_He was tender sometimes...brutal others...the wounds he made he mended..._

_Rey wondered if she could still create in the outside world...away from his hands..._

_He leaned down, moved her hair to the side and began kissing her neck. "As much as I enjoy watching you work Rey I require your attention...it's too hot beyond these walls for me to retrieve an outlet...the police are too zealous. It will pass but you...I  need you..."_

_Rey closed her eyes, he tugged down the loose top she wore._

_She knew what would happen..._

_His hand circled her throat._

 

Rey  was receptive  when Leia encouraged  art therapy...

It was something he had not taken away.  She liked creating before....it got her through his games...she found ways to create after him.

She poured herself in this. 

Her pain.

Her torment.

Her loss.

Her desire.

Her new joys.

Her hope.

Rey cut into the greens and reds... self portrait.

Ben saw past the scars.

He would see inside the textures.

She saw in him.

He was beautiful  to her.

Every inch of her body had been  claimed by that man.

Her mind under lock and key.

Her heart frozen numb.

Her spirit crushed.

But now...

She stroked the surface with blues...

But now...

She smiled...laughed...

Felt want...

Her tears came less...

Her nightmares weren't  crippling  her anymore...

Her fantasies...oh the thoughts Ben inspired...made her wet...wanton...

"I  like it..." Ben says.

Rey turns, "thanks, it's  potent. I  feel so much now that I can get things out. The group is so supportive... understanding. So are you."

Ben walks up. Kisses her temple, "how do you feel about prom? It's our junior prom and if you aren't  ready for a big social experiment I can wait until our senior prom...I  won't  go without you." 

"No...I  think I  want to go. To try.  I've  been talking to more people at school...in class...Dopheld has become a good friend...I  finally allowed  Finn and Rose to talk to me. It was really good to reconnect. I  feel more and more put together. Hux and Ria are going...LeaAnn and Dolpheld." Rey told him.

"You don't think it would be wierd going with them? LeaAnn?" Ben asked. 

Rey shook her head, "no, I  ...talked to her. She's  actually  really nice. She really likes Dophled. You did her a favor walking away. It would have been  cruel to keep going without real feelings there."

"True...I  apologized. I'll do what you want.  But for now. How about you get cleaned up and we go meet mom for dinner?" Ben kissed her lips softly.

He loved that he could.

That she could enjoy those simple things.

 

* * *

 

 

Spaghetti and meatballs piled high on her plate.

Rey dove in.

Ben found amusement  in it. She ate like a wild animal...

But he grinned and curled his bite around his fork.

Leia was delighted  they were going to prom.

She offered Rey hair and nail pampering, plus shopping. Rey's  mom was excited too.

Girl's day planned.

A first.

Rey was nervous about the dance,  ...felt like it was a dream.

 

 

 

 

 


	37. Feeling normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey felt real. Solid. Her mother and Leia took her to get her nails done and hair, they found her a dress and shoes, ...but Rey added the necklace her father had given her...the item that saved her life.

_"It's nothing fancy, but I  suppose daddy gave it to you because  you are his little girl...his angel. Daddies do that...I'll hang on to it for you." He chuckled, amused by himself._

_Rey stared at the piece of simple jewelry  in his hand and felt defeated as ususal._

_It was the only real jewelry  she wore, and it was special  to her._

_She saw him shove it in his pocket._

_When he left it was so quiet._

_She was alone in the dark...the shadows playing against  the walls._

_She knew he'd  had her longer than a week  now... he taunted her ..._

_She kept waiting for his attack... wasn't that what this was?_

_Why else take her at all?_

_Rey missed her dad's voice, the smell of his cologne._

_Her mother was never as close to her...so busy..._

_But her father...always tried to make time for her... Rey prayed she would see him again..._

 

"Rey honey, we still need to find you some earrings..." Gail told her.

"No...mom I don't need them...I  don't  even have pierced ears." Rey pointed out.

Leia shifted the bags she held, "we could get them pierced if you want"

"No...I  don't  want to be around the...needles...I  just want to wear my necklace." Rey replied.

Both the women  left it at that, in the next store they looked at perfumes and makeup.

Rey dismissed most of it...a light scent caught her attention...she thought Ben might like it. 

They picked out some natural colors for her make up. 

Prom was inching closer.

"The day of I  have a hair appointment set up for you. We will take pictures..." Rey's mother seemed excited. "Rey I know your father would have loved to see you all dressed up and going to your prom...and after everything...honey I'm so proud  of you."

Gail teared up. Hugged Rey.

"I  know he would...I  miss him so much...I  think he would have really liked Ben..." Rey smiled, her own tears creeping out of the corners of her eyes...down her cheeks. 

Leia hugged Rey when Gail released her, "we are all so proud of you ...you are so loved Rey."

Rey felt victorious.

She wasn't  worthless.

She was loved.

She mattered.

He had not taken everything from her. She could feel normal.

 


	38. See me in the nakedness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stood...facing herself. The heat of the shower cooling on her skin. She hasn't truly seen her own body without hiding from it in so long. The mirror stares back. She doesn't flee...she doesn't cower...she sees...her form...her flesh marred...but now she can see beyond.

6 months  ago...a year ago...2 years ago... Rey couldn't  do this.

This simple human thing.

Stand naked and look at herself.

Not without anxiety...

Not without sinking into bleak depression...

Not without hating every moment she remembered...

Rey survived...but did she really?

For so long she didn't  truly live?

Hid away?

Went through the motions...

eating...

bathing...

sleeping...

breathing...

Therapy...

Painting...drawing...

Writing...

But it wasn't  living...

Now she was.

Rey nodded  at her reflection.

This girl she sees is not hideous...

Is not weak...

Is not dead...

 

Ben sees her.

She sees him.

 

Rey touches her reacheable scars...

Traces them with tentative  fingers...

 

He did not break her.

The man thought he had. 

She thought he had. 

 

But now she knows the difference.

 

She found her voice with Ben....

Sees this body and recognises the beauty of it.

Flawed...yes.

Damaged in mind and emotional trenches...

On the surface as well...

But...still beautiful. 

Rey smiles.

And tonight Rey feels it.

 

Her hair is done.

Nails impeccably decorated.

The soft fabric caressed her as she slid it over her head.

The shoes feel...awkward.

 

Cinderella. 

Is Ben her prince? 

Holding promises?

 

No...he is just a boy...

Who saw a girl...

Who wanted to know her...

Broke down her walls...and made her feel again...

She hopes he likes the deep green.  The eyeshadow on her lids matches lightly.

Her lips are kissed with a nude pink  lipstick...a coral blush dusting her cheeks...

The fresh scent hovers from her perfume...

Rey smiles at the mirror again. This time dressed to impress.

But she knows...the nakedness  is still there.

 

It's  frightening...

It's  enthralling...

Will they dance?

Will he pull her close with a hundred eyes watching?

"Rey honey Ben and Leia are here...so are Hux and Ria." Gail yells. 

"Coming mom!" Rey replies.

He didn't  take  this from her. 

She feels...good.

Turning away from the mirror, she heads to take pictures with Ben.

 

The look on his face as she walks toward him is priceless...

 

 

 


	39. Speechless and humble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben saw the changes in her, slow but true. Rey was growing...becoming less the withered child victim...more the blossoming young woman...

Ben saw how her interactions in the group sessions seemed to help her work through things in a different  way. 

She still got alot out of her one on one sessions  with his mother, but she was trying to  socialize more at school...putting herself out there.

He saw how she carried herself.

Still so humble...not seeing just how beautiful  she was...how special... 

Yet,... he saw light in her eyes more and more...

As she walked toward him in her prom dress he was left utterly speechless.

He felt  akin to blessed like he'd  been granted something sacred.

In his mind, despite what had been done to her body by that creature...when Ben and Rey someday would  make love together it will be like her real first time...

He felt she was innocent, and deserved to be treated as such...

Being with her when the time was right would not be empty...would not be fucking...she would feel worshipped and sacred.

Her pain and tears the last few years not in vain...nothing taken for granted...

He smiled brightly at her. His hormones going wild inside. 

They posed for pictures, he kissed her temple and took her hand.

They left with Hux and Ria to meet up with others for dinner..

Rey handled it well. Talking at dinner.

At the prom itself she remained close to him. 

They danced some.

Everyone seemed to be lost in teenage blitz, some sneaking alcohol.

Later people started heading to the after parties. He was invited to several...

He knew alot of them planned to get laid.

Some were going to hotels. 

Ben had no such plans.

His plan involved his house,  swimming... then pajamas and movies of Rey's  choosing until she got tired.

His mother let Gail know when they arrived and helped Rey hang her dress up.  

She seemed relaxed. They'd set up a cozy pallet in his living room for movie time. Armed with a thick quilt and popcorn Ben curled up with his pajama clad prom date content. 

 

 


	40. Shallow grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After weeks without his presence ...Rey was ripped apart...her memories were only hidden in a shallow grave...

_Rey clenched her teeth..._

_He thrust over and over. Grunting in her ear...the poor girl writhing and scrambling under him desperately  trying to get away..._

_Renee, 19...black rich short hair...worked at a salon..._

_Her bruised skin,  marred from his knife...patterned like Rey's own marks..._

_He was on her from behind, seemingly enjoying every bit of the fight she dished out._

_He kept laughing as he restrained  her...she even scratched his face..._

_She'd  get away ...he'd tackle her and begin again..._

_All the while Rey  was positioned facing them. Tied to a chair._

_Her mouth aching from the piece of metal attached to her mouth._

_"You fucking prick! Get off me!" Renee screamed,  kicking and rocking trying to free herself again._

_"Oh but aren't  you full of rage!" He sounded entertained._

_It'd been that way all week._

_He'd tried to order her to fuck Rey  wearing a strap on...she'd refused telling him to just kill her...he was going to anyway...she wouldn't  help him hurt the other girl..._

_He'd  beaten her for the insolence..._

_Fucking her with objects...drugging her so her could cut her skin in silence._

_Rey was tied to the chair each time._

_And now Friday was here... Rey wondered if this girl would manage to break away...she seemed so strong..._

_But as he climaxed in the girl's ass gripping her hair, Rey saw his knife plunge deep into her back..._

_He kept thrusting until she went limp...as he did..._

_He left her and shifted to Rey,  "did you enjoy the show my good girl? She had such fight in her. Makes it so much more fun."_

_He stroked Rey cheek._

_"I don't have a second round in me for you tonight...but I like the idea of leaving you like this...helpless ...watching her body cool..." he scanned her reaction._

_He left her there._

 

_Her mouth hurting so bad by morning...her joints aching._

_He woke Rey by removing the piece of metal in her mouth only to replace it with his cock._

_Grabbing her hair forcefully and fucking into her jaw without giving her real time to adjust..._

_"So much better than coffee...good girl swallow me down...maybe I'll ...let you free ...while I'm at work..." he almost choked her pushing so far in...her throat raw."_

_When he finished he untied her, dragged her up to the bathroom._

_He took her back down to leave her  for the day._

_He left Renee's body ..._

_He usually  cleaned them up right after..._

_Rey  stared at the body all day...the pattern the blood made on the floor..._

_Why?she trembled on the bed..._

 

 

Ben  jolted out of his bed onto the floor. 

Rey was screaming at the top of her lungs...legs and arms thrashing...

Incoherent words flying out about blood...

'No's' and 'stops'...

Tears streaming  down her face. Her eyes tight shut...

Rey began ripping at her clothes... until Leia came running into his open door...

"Grab her arms,  I'll  grab her feet...talk to her Ben...calm and kind...I  know this is frightening... she remembering...it's a vicious nightmare...it will pass." Leia directed.

Ben took a breath as he looked over Rey's  screaming form. "Rey...it's ok...he's not here...I'm here...mom's here...he can't  hurt you or them anymore...wake up ..."

He kept his tone calm. He repeated it over and over.

Rey eventually stilled...eyes wide and wet...

"That's  it Rey..." Leia coaxed. Looking at Ben, "That was a rather intense one...she hasn't  even had a nightmare in weeks...you see what what I warned you about  now? "

Ben nodded, "I  ...see it now."

Rey blinked up at them...allowed Leia to wipe her face with a wet cloth...Ben to hold her.

Rey had stayed at their house more often after prom. Feeling more secure...

Safe.

She enjoyed their movie marathons...

Ben worried, he felt  like this was beyond him...but he loved her so much...

He just wanted to free her from these ghosts...

Rey told Leia  and him about the nightmare once she was feeling better  and sipping tea...

It was hard for Ben  to hear it. 

What the man did to her and the other girl disgusted him...he felt he'd  be sick...

A damn year...she'd seen and endured his...games... for a year...

Ben felt  less her knight in shining armor...more a weak observer...

 


	41. Weakness in her gaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben rubbed his palms into his eye sockets. He sat on Hux's bed tense.

"I knew she has episodes... and nightmares. I felt useless...she was deep in a vivid nightmare...and I did what mom said... but she seemed so broken... it hurt to see it first hand." He was shaking.

Hux nodded, "you were there for her...it was enough. No one understands what it's like in her head Ben...but you try."

"You're a good friend..." Ben breathed.

Ben had gone to Hux's  house once Rey  was asleep again...her mother had asked him to leave.

Leia and Ben had gotten Rey calm, then taken her home...she refused to go to the hospital. 

She wanted in her bed.

Ben understood. 

But now he felt like he'd  abandoned  her.

"Her mother asked you to leave, you didn't  want to." Hux assured him. 

Ben smiled,  "thankyou..."

"I  see it...she's doing better...you have been helping her. " Hux added. 

Ben nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

"It was so...real...they always are. Leia, I could smell him. The blood on her...the floor...her screams...I  heard it as the knife finally went in her back. She fought the whole time he had her...others complied hoping it would give them longer to live...I  just took everything... escaped into my silent hell ...into my head...praying he'd  kill me...but he never would..." Rey  spoke. Her voice shakey.

Leia took her hands, "you survived... don't ever feel guilty for that. We've  talked about that since the beginning. You need to forgive yourself.  He hurt you too...at least their suffering was brief."

"I  thought the nightmares were fading away...then this one hit. I ...almost thought Ben chased away the nightmares...HIM away..." Rey let her tears flow. 

Leia smiled, "Ben would keep them away if he could.  He can't  cure your past...erase the pain. It's in your mind...not simple. But he is a future you can pursue. Someone you can count on."

"It's  so unfair to him...he's about to be 18...deserves more than this..." Rey mumbled.

Leia shook her head, "no...Rey, he deserves love he chooses. You are that."

"Thankyou..." Rey felt her heart unclench...her sadness fall back...

Rey was not whole...but when she was with Ben she felt the illusion  of the idea.

 


	42. When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia re-read the reports. The man had been treated when he was younger. Removed from his abuser. Similar to who he became.

_"Leia he was kidnapped as a boy. Reported missing, assumed dead. His parents died in a car crash 7 years later." Raymond Task explained._

_Leia nodded,  "who had him?"_

_"Serial rapist...took boys to use and release...but he didn't kill them. Our perp here was rescued from him.  In therapy the young man admitted his captor raped him, tortured him, trained him...to call him father. Father kept him longer than previous patterns, wanted him." Raymond told her._

_"In the file it says the man was killed. A victim led police back to his house, that's  where they found the boy. 5 when taken...12 when found. He was bruised, chained to a wall. Traumatized." Leia  shook her head. "So sad. But he became what hurt him...became worse. Angry."_

_Raymond took his coffee to his lips. "Sad. The victim became the monster. A 12 year old boy...he was treated and placed with foster family after foster family. He touched females in the homes...it escalated.  Later jailed for attempted assault. He vanished. Now we know where he went. He's taken, raped, tortured,....so many young girls and women in his life. Who knows what he could have been if that man hadn't  taken him first..."_

_"He hurt because he was hurt... maybe it is why he kept Rey...he saw himself in her...her silent state...was him." Leia theorized._

_"Perhaps...lonely in his own pain..." Raymond offered._

_Leia skimmed report after report from his therapy sessions. "A child can separate themselves  inside the mind when going through sexual trauma. This girl...has seen horrible things. He used her body, crippled her emotionally...mentally...she doesn't  speak...she has blocked her memories trying to escape...she probably  did when he did things to her. Take her mind to another place. To protect herself. The boy he was did the same. He described  vicious acts the man inflicted on him. Acting them out on the girls was this boy's  adult coping. "_

_"Vicious  cycle..." Raymond sighed._

_Leia  knew the boy didn't  get the help he needed...became a monster. She mourned the boy who lost his innocence. She hoped she could help Rey..._

_She knew what the poor girl faced. She was 14...still in shock...would be fighting the demons the rest of her life._

_Leia promised the beautiful little girl crouched in the closet of her room, and the boy lost so long ago... Rey was never going to face it alone..._

_Someone would fight for her survival..._

 

Rey looked over the pile of notebooks... sitting in her closet. She hasn't slept in it in a while. Didn't have the urge. 

Her memories...her dreams...her nightmares...written on these pages.

Ben had not run. He'd  held her. 


	43. Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is always there...you can sink into it's abyss or rise.

_"so soft, so still, ...why don't  you fight me?" He asked her, touching her face._

_Rey turned away._

_In her mind she was safe and far away. Swimming with her father... baking with her grandmother..._

_"I am no fool...you don't want me... or my touch...you hate me... what I enjoy from you... when I fuck them... kill them... you wish for death...but I  can't give you that..." he kissed her neck._

_Rey lay still, lips tight..._

_He stared at her._

_Quietly contemplating._

_"14... you're so young... I was you once...young...alone... I  wasn't  always this..." he spoke to her in a different  tone._

_Rey wondered if he was trying to make her sympathetic... somehow understand why he violated her..._

_"You distract me...so quiet...not passive...you fight me silently...you take it all like a warrior...not a pathetic sobbing cunt like the others...I  like to touch you...I  hate to touch them..." he was so close to her face she could feel his breath._

_She trembled._

_"You are so afraid of me little one...but I  am you..." he said it like a whisper._

_Rey closed her eyes...she didn't want him tender...kind..._

_She didn't  want to see the creature petting her as human..._

 

 

Rey winced. The memory had new meaning to her now...he was her...

Now she wondered...

HE was a victim...

It was an odd day...he had laid with her for hours that day talking at her like a different  man...

No sex...he only touched her face and kissed her neck...until she was terrified and fell asleep...

He had been gone when she woke. She wasn't  bound.

He had left her alone for 3 long days. 

When he returned she was hungry,  thirsty, and wanted a shower... even if it was under his sight...

He guided her. She recalled, to the bathroom...then his kitchen table to eat.

He watched her. 

Rey remembered feeling less on edge.

"Leia, why was I different? This memory...makes him almost seem to regret his cruelty..." Rey asked. 

Leia patted her knee, "he was a boy once Rey...your rapist...your kidnapper...the serial killer who kept you...was once a little boy taken and abused...but unlike you. He became a monster.  He punished girls because he couldn't  punish the man who raped and tortured him as a child. My theory. "

"He was truthful then...about himself. He told me he was still. He took what that man did ...like I did with him...survived. But it festered inside...poisoned the child..." Rey cried. "It's so disgusting...I  am so tired from feeling this way..."

Leia hugged her, "but you have us...he had no one. His parents died in a car crash while the man had him...his doctors lost interest... you have the tools to live a real life Rey."

" I hate the monster...but I can't hate the boy..." Rey sighed.

"Because you have a heart, and will keep moving forward." Leia assured her. 

 


	44. Symbol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New revelations...new approaches...Rey has grown. She is helping where she can. R.A.I.N.N. was a great foundation formed by a well known singer who'd been raped at gunpoint by a fan...her journey and bravery encouraged others to be. The group sessions still helped...there were new members. Leia was supportive of Rey pursuing volunteer work. So many young women felt isolated by their pain. Crippled.

Tori Amos became more than a victim...Rey wanted to be...

Ben's  birthday was a small gathering.

Her birthday had been celebrated in a similar fashion because  Rey did not want anything big...

Ben gave her a promise ring...

Rey cried.

They were both seniors now...they'd enjoyed their summer...both 18...they could vote...go to war...

Life awaited.

Rey smiled in the halls at random people. She'd  helped put a rape and abuse hotline support system in place at their school. A better one.

Rape...incest...abuse...she wanted those monsters out of the  shadows.

Fought and defeated.

R.A.I.N.N held fundraising events for counseling services... resources so victims could truly be cared for long term and their loved ones educated.

Rey submitted art work for such an event. Ben and Leia  flew with her to New York. 

Her teachers worked with her about her classes.

Tori herself was going to be there with her husband and daughter. Her performances always raw... real...reaching deep...

"The large piece is so impacting." The proper looking woman told them at the gallery. "It will impact many souls."

"Thankyou Anita, Rey has come so far...we are so proud." Leia stated. 

Ben shifted, "so many pieces...all of these are victims?"

"Yes...survivors. Art is a great outlet... music...writing...so many creative tools... we are a world wide program. We educate and support...so many get lost to depression...suicide... Rey is very gifted...many have responded to her works." Anita shared.

Rey smiled, slightly intimidated. 

She had submitted pictures of her pieces to Tori's R.A.I.N.N website link as a thankyou for her own impact on Rey.

Rey had been shocked when contacted to formally display them at a huge event. 

"She's  doing meet and greets and a performance. But she has private meetings with all the artists scheduled. Here are your tickets, back stage passes, and hotel information.  If you have any questions feel free to text me. Enjoy!" Anita left them. 

"Cool. Hungry?" Ben asked.

Leia and Rey were game. 

"Definately...this just doesn't  seem real...I  could never imagine this..." Rey muttered in the cab.

Ben held her hand, "you deserve everything."

The cabbie suggested a restaurant.  So after dropping their bags at the hotel he took them there.

"Organizations  like this help everyone they can...but there are still so many who suffer in silence...or die before they can find relief " Leia stated. 

Rey frowned, "I  know...that could have been me...still with that man...or dead...or still a shell of myself like I was....suicidal... lost...you wouldn't  give up on trying to reach me Leia...and Ben you were stubborn in all the right ways...so patient..."

Ben kissed her gently on the lips. 

He couldn't lie to himself...he quietly battled his hormones.  

But Rey never saw that. He was so proud of her progress...getting him off was not a priority she needed to stress over...

At the hotel they shared a room, he got out of the shower and slipped his pajama bottoms  on. 

Rey smiled. "Cozy."

"Very..." Ben added.

They cuddled up and watched tv before falling asleep. 

This arrangement made her feel safe...but it wasn't easy for him.  

He never denied her though.

Holding her every night either at her house or his was normal to them.

Their parents didn't intervene. 

Her episodes were fewer and fewer...

He saw her seem more confident... even after an episode she didn't break as badly.

He drove her to school and therapy. 

It worked.

Hux was around when he wasn't  with Ria.

Finn and Rose got to know Rey again... that took longer.

Gail and John seemed more as ease.

Ben had read all her notebooks at this point. He chatted with a blog group of husbands and boyfriends of survivors...it helped him adjust in new ways. Cope with the time...

Time...he wanted her so badly...

But he never said it out loud.

He jerked off before bed in the shower or at home if he was heading to her house.

He jerked off a lot...but he didn't  want her to feel pressured...move faster than she was ready for... trigger during sex...

They'd  kissed more. Touched some.

She would guide his hand to her leg or breast  sometimes.

They weren't  naked around eachother...

If she backed off he let her.

He hoped seeing a powerful  woman who was happily married  with a family would give her hope for their future.  

The friends in her group sessions already were helping with that... seveal had healthy  relationships.

 

 


	45. Me and a Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey swayed to the music, every song was powerful...electric as she writhed between her pianos... Ben held her hand. Then towards the end everyone fell quiet...no piano playing with this song ...just Tori's voice echoing through the large venue full of enthralled bodies. Erie and raw.

"5 am,

Friday morning,

Thursday night,

Far from sleep,

I'm still up and driving,

Can't go home,

Obviously, 

So I'll just change direction,

Cause they'll soon know where I live, 

And I wanna live, 

Got a full tank and some chips,

It was me and a gun,

And a man on my back, 

And I sang 'holy holy' as he buttoned down his pants, 

You can laugh,

It's  kind of funny the things you think,

At times like these,

Like I haven't  seen Barbados,

So I must get out of this,

Yes I  wore a slinky red thing,

Does that mean I should spread,

For you, your friends, your father, Mr. Ed,

Me and a gun,

And a man on my back,

But I haven't seen Barbados,

So I  must get out of this, 

And I know what this means,

Me and Jesus a few years back,

Used to hang and he said, 

'It's your choice babe just remember,

I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time,

So choose well', 

Tell me what's right,

Is it my right to be on my stomach,

Of Fred's Seville,

Me and a gun,

And a man on my back,

But I haven't  seen Barbados,

So I must get out of this, 

And do you know Carolina, 

Where the biscuits are soft and sweet,

These things go through your head,

When there's a man on your back,

And you're pushed flat on your stomach,

It's  not a classic Cadillac, 

Me and a gun,

And a man on my back,

But I haven't  seen Barbados,

So I must get out of this."

 

 

As Tori closed her eyes and belted out the end Rey teared up...she was not the only one...

 

"Thankyou all for supporting this cause that is so close to my heart! Every 8 seconds an attack happens...sexual violence affects hundreds of thousands...1 out of every 6 women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime..." Tori told the crowd. 

"The Rape Abuse & Incest National Network was founded in 1994...a safe and confidential outlet to seek help and justice. Scott Berkowitz founded this amazing  organization... and I  have been a proud spokesperson  as a victim myself...it is the largest nonprofit program and has helped more than 2.7 million since it's  founding." Tori added.

On the big screens behind her the national hotline flashed. 1-800-656-HOPE

"We believe you, we are here for you...the artists,  writers, and performers tonight are warriors ...survivors that are choosing to share their pain and hope. I  respect you all..." She spoke so clear and made Rey feel like she could do anything.

"I myself could not have done this without the love and support of my husband...loved ones...this network of support after my own attack... there can be a life after the pain... expressing your story can aid in healing...enjoy the rest of our talented performers, and move on to the gallery to view the gifted works on display. Thankyou !" She waved and moved off stage.

Rey wiped her  tears away.

"You ok?" Ben asked.

"Oh yeah, she's  a real inspiration... just alot to take in ya know...so many are suffering...I  don't  feel so alone...I  did before..." Rey  replied.

Leia nodded,  "yes, this anti-sexual assault program provides education for prevention, counseling  for victims and their families,  and the department  of defense aids in bringing the perps to justice through the hotline"

"You want to listen to the next performer or go check out the gallery? See your art on display and explore the other works?" Ben asked.

Rey straightened, "let's go check it out...I  want to see the other works."

Ben guided her and his mother through the crowd toward the gallery.

Rey could sense the intense emotion within each piece...and heard feedback about her own submissions. 

It was a priceless experience. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	46. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stood amongst the group. She has talked before...but tonight was slightly different.

"My name is Rey Canter and I am living proof you can keep moving forward.  Years ago I  couldn't  imagine the life I  have now. It is an honor to be asked to speak here." Rey glanced over the crowd.

When Tori heard her whole story she'd  insisted Rey needed to share it. Her people  agreed. 

Rey had been reluctant...but Ben encouraged her.

Leia told her that sharing her story could be the next stage of her healing process.. to help others.

"I survived a long term situation...I  felt alone, lost, dead. Even years later his voice...haunts me. But I finally see the light...my doctor...my friend... now  boyfriend...never let me push them away. My mother tried. It takes a village...you are never truly alone..." Rey spoke with pride. 

She slowly told her ordeal...some details left out...after another speaker shared...and another...

Rey listened.

Ben held her hand.

He was blown away by her bravery.

There was a man speaking now, his story hard to hear...

Ben felt sadness for every person there.

It was like a much larger version of Rey's  group therapy sessions.

It angered him that so many were victimized.

 

* * *

 

"I was so terrified up there, but omg it was amazing too...I  never thought I could be that girl." Rey smiled as Ben drove. 

Ben nodded, "I am really proud of you...you and the others who I heard tonight."

"Thankyou...Ben,  you realize you are a big part of how I got here...to this point. I  hid from the world... petrified to be seen...but you made me step out of the darkness..." Rey looked at him as if he meant everything. 

He felt so full of emotion. 

 

* * *

 

 

When they got home hours later Ben fixed them some popcorn.

Rey was sorting through his cds on his floor.

She picked out something that surprised  him...next thing he knew AC/DC blasted from his speakers.

"Not what I would have predicted..." Ben told her with a chuckle. 

Rey shrugged, "what? Rock music is awesome..."

She stood up,  and kissed him on her tiptoes.

Ben moaned. 

He wanted her so much.

"Mmmm. I  don't  think I  ever get tired of kissing you..." Rey whispered.

"I am happy to oblige..." Ben nuzzled her neck.

"You are not alone..." Ben told her holding her tight against him. 

She could hear his heart thumping loud. "...neither are you."

 


	47. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wasn't oblivious...she saw the tells...her Ben was frustrated...

He looked peaceful at night when they slept.  

Their situation  invited problematic reactions...they were so close. 

When they kissed or touched it got heavy quickly. 

She knew he got hard.

She knew he held back, didn't move his hands where he really wanted to.

She still had nightmares...but her fantasies were starting to outnumber them.

She could see Ben  moving his lips down her neck...unbuttoning her shirt...kissing and rubbing her breasts, feel herself dampen with want...picture his mouth going lower...

But the fear...the voice ...was still deep inside her...

 

_"You like this now don't you? My mouth  ...my tongue deep inside...your body does...don't try to deny it..." he licked up and around her clit like a tender lover..._

_Rey hated him. It._

_Her body betrayed her._

_Traitor._

_Traitor._

_Traitor._

_He devoured her like he starved, the rope around her wrists hurt._

_She came when fingers added to what his tongue did._

_He smirked. "Such a good girl... delicious."_

_He spread her limp legs wider, adding a third finger and using another against her clit._

_"I enjoy this...watching you squirm. But I can't get you to scream for me. Hmmmm." He withdrew his hands._

_He left her laying there._

_Minutes later she saw the cylinder toy he held._

_He covered it in lube, began rubbing it against the edge of her hole._

_He leaned in sucking her clit, using one hand between the wet velvet  lips, using the other to slowly work in the toy in the back._

_"You can't ignore me Rey...you love this...you want it. After all this time I'm all you want..." he spoke between sucks...licks..._

_Rey felt invaded. So full._

_She didn't want him...he was delusional...he's made her body react..._

_The toy vibrating in one hole ...his fingers fucking her hard...he tugged at her with his teeth..._

_Rey gave in, soaked his hand...she hated herself..._

_"Mmmm...so good." He removed the toy ...his fingers._

_He stood over her grinning, victorious._

_"Daddy is getting worse, he was just here tonight. Pitiful. I wish he could see how happy you are here with me...how hard I make you come." He seemed to be so fucking proud._

_He untied her wrists._

_She couldn't fight back though, her system overwhelmed. He ran his knife over her damp skin._

_She shivered._

_He was going to cut her...she felt it..but he didn't...just running it over her skin...._

_He loomed over her, pressing inside. Rocking slowly._

_Rey drifted in and out...vaguely aware  he was grunting and talking at her..._

_She was losing it...she heard her father's voice..._

_"Daddy?" She whispered... but no sound came out..._

_"Get off my daughter you fucking psycho!" Her father roared._

_He dove at her captor, but the knife bit his flesh...she saw him stabbed...blood blossom..._

_No...daddy...I'm so sorry..._

_She rolled, they were both on the floor. Her father must have gotten him too?_

_Laying next to her father she let herself drift again..._

 

Ben was respectful. She knew.

Sitting up she looked down at him.

"You never had me..." she told the empty air. "Ben does..."

She touched his chest. His breathing steady.

His muscles tensed. 

Rey watched his face as her hand slid off his chest, over his bare stomach, stopping at the edge of his pajama pants.

They were both 18 now...they were seniors...they were planning college...they were together most of the time...she loved him...love kissing him...

Her hand slipped under the waistband.

He was not hard right now, but as her warm fingers brushed across his length he stiffened...

His eyes still closed.

Rey ignored the voice in her head. Rey didn't hate Ben's cock. It wasn't evil.

This was hers.

Ben was hers.

Her choice.

Her hand wrapped carefully...she moved it up and down lightly at first....

He started breathing faster, "Rey..." he whispered.

"Please..." he breathed.

Rey observed his face as she quickened the motion ...twisting facial features.

She kissed him.

His eyes opened wide, but returned her kiss.

Moaning into her mouth as he felt her grip tighten...speed up...

He hadn't asked for this...no matter how hard he'd  been getting when they were affectionate...when he held her...

But now...oh god he was so fucking hard in her hand.

She seemed ok, he was so lost in kissing her...

Wanting to reach up and stroke her breast....but he didn't  know if she wanted him to ...

He came with a loud groan.

Spilled over her hand and his stomach.

When he'd  cleaned up they sat facing eachother.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

Rey smiled, "I chose to do that...I  wanted to touch you. I know you've  been more and more frustrated. My friends in group...the blogs... your mother...all say it's steps... that I'll get urges and get comfortable  over time...he doesn't  control me. I needed to make you come Ben...but I'm not ready for everything  yet...I still trigger. But this...was mine with you. I  feel good about it." 

"It was...felt so good Rey. But don't feel like I have to have it all the time. You always need to do what you feel comfortable with or you will push yourself  too fast." Ben smiled.

"Thankyou, you are amazing...I  want you to touch me too...soon. Like I just did but not yet...can we go back to sleep?" Rey asked timidly.

"I will...just let me know when you are ready..." Ben assured her. 

They cuddled back up.

Rey felt so relieved. 

She touched him. Ben.

Made him moan. Come.

Rey smiled. 

 

 

 

 

 


	48. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sat thinking in his vehicle, shakey as he walked into school. The previous night left him shocked, but wanton.

Ben knew it was a big deal...a huge step that she had pushed past (HIM) in her mind...used her delicate hand to get him off. 

(HE) still lingered...haunted her... 

It had felt so amazing...

It has been so difficult to continually control himself...hold back when he hungered to run his hands all over every inch of Rey...

Ben desperately  wanted to leave her lungs breathless...

Her body quivering...

How in the world could he concentrate  on calculus today ?!

Lord help him!

Ben swallowed.

Hux had been scarce more and more...he was with Ria.

Inseparable.

Ben was happy for his friend.

Hux had been very supportive of Rey.

Ben hadn't  wanted to hang out with them much...LeaAnn was usually around too.

Awkward.

She was civil around Rey, especially...  because Dopheld had gotten to be close friends with Rey. Dopheld and LeaAnn were close too...getting serious.

After a couple rough patches... Dopheld had drawn lines LeaAnn  seemed to respect.

Yet...Ben preferred to avoid...it made him uncomfortable to see LeaAnn...and where Ria was usually  LeaAnn  followed.

Ben was working after school.

He helped with tutoring on the days Rey had sessions with his mother.

Her group sessions were monthly.

He liked staying busy...it helped burn his extra energy...

Keep his mind off them not having sex...

It wasn't  Rey's  fault...

She shouldn't  feel pressured  because he was more physical in the past...

He actually  regretted those situations. 

Empty.

Meaningless.

Jessika. 

LeaAnn. 

All the others before Rey...

They were not like Rey...

Even just being able to hold her close, kiss her, was magic...

Powerful...

The little she did that night was mind blowing to him...

He came so hard...

He can see her growing more comfortable in her own skin...with him...

It's just a matter of time before she keeps pushing herself forward ...attempting a new thing at a time...

Patience.

He can do that for her.

He has.

Besides...

Hearing her speak at functions among other survivors...victims.... struck him.

Seeing her artwork present at the R.A.I.N.N. event had made him so proud of how far she's  already come.

The longer spans between  her nightmares... episodes...gives him hope.

That someday his beautiful  girl will have a life not dictated by (HIS) time with her.

That fucking bastard.

Victim himself or not... Ben still hated the man.

What he took from Rey...

So much...

And her father lost too...

Ben saw how much she missed her father. 

but...Jessika still pestered him...

She was done with Matthew...then Nathan...then Gavin...

She wanted Ben back, he declined.

She glared at Rey.

He couldn't  get her to quit talking shit...their arguments  stressed Rey out.

Rey told him to ignore Jessika.

But it was hard because she made Ben want to slap the shit out of her daily.

She couldn't  fathom...wouldn't wrap her mind around why Ben would want to be with Rey if they weren't  fucking like rabbits. 

Jessika  didn't understand that a relationship could be more than just sex.

Rey worried about the lack of sex more at first...that she held him back.

Ben wished Rey had been  his first... instead of fucking a girl under the bleachers doggy style drunk off his ass...

It had meant less than nothing...he couldn't  even remember the girl's  name...

And after that ...oh he regrets...

He regrets the bj's, car sex, sex at parties after games, ...then Jess...then LeaAnn...

All pointless...

Now that he feels what he does.

Love.

Love makes a massive difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	49. Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The princess watched as the brave Prince fought gallantly with his sword against the dragon. Fire bellowing from his mouth, the dragon almost ate the prince. But he jumped just out of the way. The prince had to defeat the dragon so he could save his princess and live happily ever after...he tricked the dragon and struck with his trusty sword. His foe beaten, he raced up the stairs into the tower to kiss her. It was love at first sight. He saved her, she kissed him again. They were married...he loved her so much!"

_"daddy, tell me again !" Rey begged._

_She was contently curled up under the covers trying to put off bedtime._

_"Well, no... it's  time for sleep... you've had milk, a snuggle, a kiss, and a story...time to sleep." Her father said pretending to be stern._

_Rey smiled, "ok daddy...will I  ever find a prince to fight dragons for me? "_

_He chuckled._

_"In a manner of speaking sweet girl, there aren't  real dragons out in the world. There are bad things, some bad people...someday you could meet a nice boy who will think of you like a princess and want to protect you from bad things like daddy does...love you like daddy loves mommy. Your brave knight." Her father told her hugging her tight._

_He kissed the top of her head._

_"My knight...cool." Rey  grinned._

_"I love you so much sweetheart!" He told her tucking her in._

_Rey nodded, "I  love you too daddy! You'll  always be my knight too... even if I get a boy one later  when I'm big !"_

_"Good. Sleep tight sweet girl." He kissed her nose, turned off her light as he walked out._

_Rey felt warm and happy._

_Safe._

 

_*****_

 

_"Ms. Canter your piece is perfect for the women's  show. This is one you displayed at the R.A.I.N.N. event you attended?" Maz asked._

_Rey snapped back into their conversation. "Oh yes, one of them. Thanks. Yes, I can submit it if you want."_

_"You have such a gift child, I can feel the emotion dripping off the paint. The pain in that one. The joy in this latest piece... doors will just keep opening for you...I hope you pursue an art scholarship and choose this for college." Maz encouraged._

_Rey nodded,  "thanks...the senior art exhibit  is coming up...I'm definately competing. The R.A.I.N.N event was an amazing experience and opportunity...so is this women's  show...thankyou for thinking of me."_

_"It was a no brainer  dear, you have talent...I saw it even back in the beginning when you were still so quiet. You've  blossomed...though some of that came from a certain persistent  football  player..." Maz teased._

_Rey grinned._

 

_****_

 

"that's  great honey!" Gail chimed. "The women's  show is pretty big around here. It's  a compliment  to be asked to submit work as a high schooler."

"I know, I'm stoked. I wish dad could see all I've  done...I  miss him so much." Rey sulked.

Gail hugged her, "he is so proud... always was. He's  just got a better view where he is now. He is gone, but Rey dear, he is also always with you."

"Thanks mom, Ben would have loved dad..." Rey added. 

"And your father would have liked Ben...he is such a good boy." Gail agreed.

Rey headed to her room, "night mom."

"Night honey!" Her mother called after her. 

Rey laid  on her bed working on homework, then sketched with her pastels and charcoal sticks...

Ben was her knight.

He fought the dragons of her depressions  and mental monsters.. 

Just like her father had defeated HIM.

Rey felt safe again...and loved.

The innocent  little Rey wasn't  lost forever...

The woman Rey was becoming loved Ben so much...was enjoying the adventure of each step they took.

 

 

 


	50. Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you ever free?

In the light of the day...crisp mornings...Rey contemplates...

Where would she be had those hands not taken her?

Would she have dated someone ?

Would she have eventually  met Ben Solo anyway?

Would any changes in herself  have prevented that man's interest in her back then?

Would she ever have been free if her father had not come? Had not died?

Year lost...

More after...

She's found her voice again.. 

First in her art...

Then tongue...

Harse reality still lingers...

But less.

Ever fly ?

Ever whisper?

Ever hide?

Ever fight?

Ever...?

"You make me braver..." Rey spoke into his hair. 

Ben sighed, "you always were... don't give me credit for it."

"Why doesn't  it bother you I'm not more innocent? That he used me for so long?" She asked. 

He can feel her insecurities.

"Rey...why doesn't  it bother you that I  was basically  kind of a man whore before I met you?" He states.

She pauses.

"That's...different." she says shakey.

Shame stills eats at her.

He knows.

"It's  not...being with you is new and fresh for me.  You were not tainted  by him...his crimes. I see you as special...beautiful. I  feel new and fresh when you look at me...kiss me...washed clean of my sins..." Ben  nuzzles against the hand that has been petting his hair.

Rey smiles.  "I hate that I can't  shake this weakness...that I question myself...my value...will I  ever...not feel so inclined? "

"Someday...until then I  will happily remind you... " Ben whispers.

They shift, the book he holds is set to the side.

He glances around, no one is near them in the library at school.  

He sneaks a kiss to her wrist. 

Ben promises himself...he will always  remind her.

 

 


	51. Withering criticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey enjoyed spending time with Dopheld.

"Rey, that's awesome. You're getting the hang of this...poetry is difficult." Dopheld  praised.

He was helping her with her english assignment. They were submitting poems at the end of the week. 

"Thanks... I am just not sure I want these raw thoughts out there for everyone to read...it's like being naked...vulnerable." Rey confessed.

Dopheld smiled, "don't worry...you presented your paintings...it went well. Your poem is so real...maybe it won't win, but it's definitely worth reading." 

Rey felt pride. 

She read over his. 

"It's short but I like it Doph. You let LeaAnn read it yet?" Rey asked.

"Not yet...but I am later. We are going to eat, then probably to a movie." He replied.

Rey nodded, "have fun, I'm going to go use the computer lab before Ben gets off work. He is swinging by to get me after."

"Ok, cool...I'll see you tomorrow." Dopheld said heading out.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey got a lot of research done for her history project. 

The lab was so quiet. 

It was still so unreal to her...even sitting at the computer like a normal senior was such a gift.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben enjoyed tutoring and working at the vet's office. 

He cleaned cages, walked and played with the animals. 

The animals seemed to like him.

Rey came to see him there a few times, helped give baths.

Ben saw how she lit up when she held a kitten...brushed a dog. 

 

* * *

 

Ben smiled as he pulled  up.

Rey beamed.

"Hey beautiful." Ben greeted her.

Rey got in and kissed him.

He deepened  the kiss, cupping her face.

"Home?" She whispered. 

Ben smiled, "yours or mine?"

"Yours...I'm feeling tacos and Vampire Diaries."  Rey requested.

Ben smirked. 

He was utterly thankful.

 


	52. Mimic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you see beyond someone's cruelty?

_"why do you just take it? Why don't  you fight against  his psychotic ass?" The girl asked Rey from her side of the room._

_It wasn't  the first time._

_It won't  be the last._

_"Do you like it? ...this ? You get hot watching him hurt us?" The anger, disgust was valid._

_Rey just couldn't  fight. There just wasn't  fight in her._

_The girl shifted. She looked cold._

_Rey rolled over, silent tears fell._

 

_"How is my guest?" His voice made her freeze._

_"Your little pet over there isn't  much of a talker...I've been bored. Back to do your worst eh? Bring it on asshole !" The girl raged._

_He chuckled, "my Rey doesn't approve  of your presence Caitlin... anyone's brief stay here. You should be thankful..."_

_"Why? Isn't preventing you from hitting me...fucking me...you sick freak!" Caitlin  screamed  at him._

_"You hear her Rey? So passionate.  Almost fierce. But she doesn't  see does she? You are just like her...mine." he stated._

_Caitlin  stared._

_Rey looked at the floor as he advanced._

_Caitlin screamed as he beat her._

_When the room grew silent, Rey flinched as bloody hands touched her._

_"She hurt your feelings Rey...I can't  abide that...you are stronger than her. It takes  more to be still than to fight...you live to see another day..." he caressed her cheek leaving it smeared red._

_Tonight he was content with holding her._

_Rey couldn't understand, how could he beat that girl to death...then touch her so softly...?_

_Rey wondered if she would fight him if she thought she could  escape...or if she thought he was about to kill her like them..._

_Was she capable?_

_She couldn't  help looking at Caitlin's  ruined face._

 

Rey stood in front of her english  class.

"Alright Rey,  if you will read your submission. I  wanted the class to hear the winning entry." Her teacher encouraged.

Dopheld smiled.

Rey took a deep breath.

 

"Yes m'mam...

 

-Wither No More-

I see your shadow,

I feel your embrace,

It burns and withers my skin,

It breaks and reconnects,

You reached inside,

Pulled at the threads,

Unravelled and twisted,

Left me for dead,

I woke in your darkness,

I dreamt of sweet light,

I hungered for redemption,

Devouring only night,

Handprints left trails,

Journeys of taint and flesh,

Mouth on my throat,

Stealing every breath of air,

Screaming silent,

Echoing void,

Lost in deep intrusion, 

Burning inside alone,

Demon of hell profound, 

No angels on their way,

Words play along my lips,

Empty promises of new days,

Flames lick wounds a plenty,

Feed me poison and lust,

Watch me bloom in your absence,

Drowning under your wants,

Shame broke the water,

I don't recognize myself,

I leave my cage in chains,

My mind shifts whirling on your shelf,

Possessed by my ghosts,

My scars itch and fester,

You buried me carelessly,

I long to be someone else's  treasure, 

Washed white and clean,

Blood gone from my ash,

The tears still fall,

Dripping from each lash,

You left this world,

You took many with you,

Cold corpses bloomed each sunrise,

I opened my heart and eyes anew,

You didn't  break me,

My body is now my own,

You are forgiven and forgotten, 

My love found a home. "

 

Rey read carefully...self conscious.

 

"Very good Rey." Her teacher congratulated. 

Her classmates clapped.

Each entry was shared. 

Rey still couldn't  believe she'd won. 

Her piece was being added to a book being published.

Hers among other winning entries from high schools from all over the country.

Ben was thrilled when she got the news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	53. Touch me gently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey thought Ben looked so sweet as he slept. They were at a hotel for the night after a concert. She'd been touched at the gift. Tori's live shows were so powerful...Rey had become quite a fan. Feeling comfortable amongst so many was a step forward too.

"Yeah mom, the show was so amazing...we will head back in the morning." Rey told her mother on the phone.

Rey set her cell down on the night stand. 

Ben fell asleep after his shower while Rey was on the phone.

Rey moved to the bathroom and flipped on the shower.

She shed her jeans and t-shirt.

The hot water ran down her back...over her face...

She felt so clean...

So light...

Rey smiled to herself...

There was a half naked Ben laying in the next room...

Padding softly into the bedroom... Rey neglected the pajamas she had laid out to wear...

She gazed down at his bare chest... studying the rise and fall...

He was so beautiful...

Rey knelt onto the bed...

She gently kissed his cheek...his neck...his chest...

"Rey...?" Ben muttered.

"Shhhhh..." she coaxed. 

Rey straddled  him. This was ...new.

But not nearly as terrifying  as she thought.

"I ...want to try something...maybe more than one something  if you can be patient...are willing..." Rey informed him.

Ben grinned up at her.  "I am in no rush...whatever you need to attempt...I'm game. And of course...if you start to feel off...we can stop. Just...tell me what you want Rey..."

Rey lowered her mouth along his chest again.

Experimentally kissing...licking... each nipple..."hmmmm..."

Ben moaned. 

He kept his hands at his sides.

She would tell him if she wanted him to touch her...he would not assume...

She kissed so slowly down his stomach...at the edge of his pajama pants she stopped...sat back up. 

"Ben...I  want to kiss farther down... where I felt you..." Rey requested.

Ben smiled, "I  would enjoy that... can I  return the favor?"

Rey blushed.

Over the next hour he delicately guided her how to give him head.

Pausing when she needed a moment...

It was new...being allowed a reprieve... not being forced. 

She found she thrived on his movements...his noises...his taste...

Because it was Ben...it really was a good experience.

Rey found her mind replacing the bad with the good.

"Rey...oh god...that feels so... fucking... oh god...you gotta stop or I'll  cum..." he said weakly.

"My turn then..." Rey  offered.

He shifted, switching places with her.

"You came to bed naked Rey...not scared at all?" Ben asked. His palm caressing  her cheek.

Rey shook her head, " no... I  was petrified. I  just wanted you Ben...to feel things...with you. You've  really been beyond patient."

"Did you like doing that to me? It felt great...just as great as when you jerked me...better actually. " Ben added. 

"Yeah, I  did. It feels different willingly doing that ...I  liked your physical  responses..." she gushed.

Ben smirked, "I've  dreamed about licking you...burying my face between  your legs...definately worth the wait..."

Rey giggled.

Ben sat back on his heels,  using his large hands to push apart her legs. 

He leaned in kissing along each leg starting with her ankles.

Running his hands up and down her legs.

When his kisses reached her inner thighs her breath hitched...

He could see how wet she was...

Rey watched his head lower...

His tongue dipping along her velvet folds. 

Circling  her clit.

He sucked the nub softly, then firmer.

Rey whimpered, "oh! ...that feels... wow..."

Before long his attentiveness  left her panting and his face damp and glistening...

He added a finger to pump inside as he kept working at her clit.

"More...yes...more..." she directed...

He felt her cum on his fingers after adding another...her back arching...

For 30 more minutes maybe longer he just kept going...stroking... sucking ...licking...

She wanted more...

"Ben ....more...more of you. Condom?" Rey barely articulated. 

Ben reached into the night stand on his side.

Maybe it was presumptuous...but he was always prepaired since the first hand incident...

He wanted to be ready in case she ever was.. 

"If you're sure...we can take it slow." He offered.

Rey nodded.

He situated himself after rolling the condom on.

He leaned in kissing her as he inched in.

She was so warm...hot...

Home.

They kissed harder as he kept working his way deeper.

Once at the hilt he rocked.

Feeling her constrict.

"There's  nothing but us Rey...um... so good...just you...just me...I  love you so much..." he panted into her neck. 

She gripped his hair as he rolled into her a bit faster.

His fingers rubbed her clit. His pace quickened.

The sound of her heartbeat, her moaning threatening  to ruin his composure...

But when she finally came hard again ...he let himself go...

It was a precious  release...

She was his...he was hers...the pain forgotten  for now...he gave her that.

His pride matched his afterglow...

Pulling out,  he kissed her forehead,  threw the condom away, and retrieved  a warm wet washcloth to clean her up.

"Thankyou Ben..." Rey  mumbled content.  

He curled behind her, petting her hair until she dozed.

He pulled the comforter over them. 

He closed his own eyes.

 

 

 

 

 


	54. Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey felt no regret the following day. The drive home was fun...singing along to the radio, stopping to check out a few side road shops. Ben looked happy. It made Rey's heart flutter. She felt a heavy weight off her shoulders.

Leia waited for Rey's arrival, her appointment was in ten minutes. 

Ann let her know Rey was early,  bringing tea in for them.

Rey greeted Leia with a hug. "I... have made progress...but I  don't  know if it will be awkward for you to hear..."

Leia nodded, " I'm  here to listen Rey,  it's up to you what you share."

"Well...I'm more and more able to allow myself  indulgences...my mind is replacing  my traumatic memories with new good ones. I'm feeling accomplished, lighter...happy." Rey beamed. 

Leia grinned. "That's  wonderful  !"

"I ...and ...um ...Ben have gotten closer over time...progressing slowly, but steadily. He's been amazingly patient. I know my pace has been  hard on him...it would be on any guy." Rey got slightly more timid.

Ben was Leia's son after all...

"Rey...I  am no prude nor am I  oblivious... neither is your mother... you and Ben are physical... we understand that. I  also  know your past limits that somewhat...your trauma has affected  every aspect of your life." Leia encouraged. 

Rey took a breath, "yes...it has... and we only recently achieved something huge. I ...we... were able to give in completely. It was so freeing...wonderful...the pain and fear association with being physical  sexually was not there. It was...truly magical...everything I  wish my first time had been.  "

"Oh Rey...I'm so happy for you. This is important for you...Ben too. Trust and comfort are a big part of healing... feeling safe. Don't  feel wierd or awkward.  I don't need details... but I'm glad to hear your milestone. This is only the beginning  of the happy life ahead for you...your captor...your abuser doesn't  control this...he didn't  take the opportunity  from you. You can see it now." Leia assured  Rey.

"Thankyou Leia, you have been  a big part of this process. I am so thankful for Ben too. I can't  imagine him not being in my life now." Rey smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey  felt good.

She wondered... if her captor had been treated well...had found peace ...if he could have been saved too...

Would he have been normal?

...not become a kidnapper...a killer?

Abusers are sometimes victims too... lost...

Rey felt an odd sympathy...

Maybe not quite forgiveness, but pity...

He had hurt so many besides just her...

It was so sad...

And yet...

Rey survived, she lived her life now...

She couldn't feel regret about moving forward...she didn't want to be controlled by anger... 

She actually  looked forward to talking to a couple  of the women in group therapy at their next session.

She knew they were all supportive and would be just as happy for her as Leia had been. 

Rey waited for Ben  to pick her up, he should be done tutoring. 

She was going to kiss him. 

Rey grinned.


	55. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben! ...you're going to be late !" Leia yelled. What could possibly being keeping her son.

_"once upon a time,_

_there lived a beautiful fairy,_

_she lived inside a lovely flower,_

_no one even knew she was there until it bloomed,_

_a_ _handsome prince saw the fairy curled inside,_

_he fell in love instantly...vowing to marry her,_

_she had delicate wings,_

_her hair shone like crystals,_

_her lips soft as petals,_

_when she woke and gazed up at him he saw how deep her eyes were,_

_she had enchanted  him,_

_his heart could never fall under the spell of another,_

_it belonged to her,_

_he carried her home in her bloom to show the queen,_

_the queen  reminded him a human and a fairy could not wed,_

_he was determined,_

_so he searched for answers all across his great kingdom,_

_a wise old wizard told him he could help her grow,_

_she could shed her wings and become human,_

_then she could marry him,_

_holding his lovely little  fairy in his palm he sang to her,_

_her heart soared,_

_she loved him back and shed her wings,_

_her song to him just as sweet on the breeze,_

_She grew...and grew...,_

_Until she stood facing him,_

_her head right below his chin,_

_she tilted her lips up to kiss him,_

_b_ _efore long they were wed,_

_he devoted himself to her and her to him,_

_she had blossomed through his love_ _,_

_rather than withering away neglected fast asleep in her flower,_

_love saved her, as it does us all..." her father finished his story as she closed her eyes._

_Rey remembered feeling less worried about meeting her prince some day._

_Her father told the best stories._

_They made her mind churn with excitement and imagination._

_Rey drifted off to sleep determined to find her prince._

 

"Mom I'm coming!" Ben yelled back. He was adjusting again.

Everything  had to be perfect.

"Oh Ben, you look so handsome... Rey will love the tux. " Leia assured  him.

Ben was sweating, he didn't  even know why...they went to junior prom too...

But...things were different...they'd gotten so much closer.

Rey was so new these days, invloved with so many activities  at school...and beyond. 

Less introverted,  more social.

He was proud of her, she was making college plans.

They'd  already looked at apartments. 

He loved her.

His strong girl.

He chuckled, even though when they first met she hid from him and wouldn't  speak.

How far they had come....

"Thanks  mom, I'll  text you pictures. Rey's  mom is taking some at their house." Ben promises.

"Ok honey, you two have fun." Leia kissed his cheek. 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey felt magical in her dress.

She thought she was reminiscent of the fairy from her father's  story...

Saved by her prince...

Rey grinned, twirled in front of the large mirror.

"I hope you are watching this daddy...I am so happy..." Rey muttered. "I grew..."

Her mother took so many pictures, they posted some...sent some to Leia...

The night was going to be great.

 


	56. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben cuddled her closer, Sunday mornings were his favorite...as busy as they were now. Sunday's were their only sleep in...do nothing ... nowhere to be time. They loved their small apartment. Quaint and cozy.

"What's  your plan for today?" Ben mumbled stretching  his stiff sleepy muscles.

Rey yawned, then smirked, "absolutely  nothing. I  need to work on my psych paper at some point...but I  find myself  distracted... unmotivated to leave this bed..."

Ben peeked open an eye, "really now?"

"Mmmm...yes." Rey  straddled  him.

She kissed him intensely,  he growled into her mouth...Ben rarely required  too much encouragement.. 

An hour or so later he was tenderly petting her breasts and stomach, Rey left panting ...recovering...

"Mmmmm...so much better than coffee..." Rey  joked.

They both had classes during the week, Ben still worked at the vet's  office on the side. 

Rey was leading a group session with Leia's guidance  now, her gallery display on campus was getting  rave reviews. 

College was proving to be challenging  in all the best ways.

They usually  had dinner at Leia's or Gail's weekly on Sunday night, taking turns.

Both moms appreciated them making time.

Rey missed Dopheld, but he had went farther away than the rest for college.

Hux was travelling with Ria, sending Ben and Rey  post  cards.

Rey volunteered at the crisis center on campus. It made her feel useful... accomplished.

Graduation had been so exciting... the party after fun. 

Ben took Rey to the mountains for their senior trip, rented a cabin. She'd  loved the quiet...all the green surroundings.

The future looked bright...

Rey rarely suffered from her nightnares. Her visits with Leia for therapy monthly. 

Ben was gentle and patient.  

They explored eachother  thoroughly... enjoying experimenting...sex was an adventure  with Ben...not frightening to Rey anymore.

"Under the covers Solo...put that smart mouth to better use !" Rey teased. 

Instead of responding with a retort.  he made her moan and writh...


	57. Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stood before it...the tombstone...

_Rey heard him...barely registering the sound._

_The drug in her system so strong..._

_But the distinct echo of crying... sadness...she knew she heard it._

_Why?_

_What he could  he cry about?_

_Monsters don't  hurt..._

_They inflict...break...scar...snuff out life..._

_Yet..._

_Rey saw him._

_HIM._

_Crouched, balling like a baby, ...looking vulnerable..._

_"No ....no....stop...I  just wanna go home..." his voice so small._

_Rey sat still watching him._

_She was still sore from his attentions hours before._

_Pity._

_She didn't  want to pity him_

_"It hurts...please..." so childlike._

_Suddenly he was stark straight backed._

_He turned to her, face stained with dried tears ._

_"I couldn't  go home...you can't  go home...you're small like me...I've got you Rey...you're mine...safe here..." he muttered._

_Rey wasn't  sure if he was truly trying to convince her...or himself..._

_He left her alone to go upstairs._

_Was he like her?_

_Taken?_

_'Small like me?' He'd  said..._

 

 

Rey remembered and hated herself  for feeling pity for HIM.

But getting out of bed, taking a shower, dressing, ...she skipped class that morning.

Leia had told her about him...the internet  did as well...she knew. 

The monster had not been born...he'd been made... 

He had once been a confused scared little  boy...

He'd  had dreams and hopes...

He'd  had a mother and a father...

And now...he had her.

Rey stared at his tombstone.

He'd  not been too old, he could have been so different...

If he'd  had someone like Leia...like Ben...

If...

Rey prayed for the boy lost.

"I forgive you...I  hope the child inside you found peace in death. I  can't  forget what you did to me...the others...but I can  live. I  can not let my scars and my nightmares control my life...my joy....my happiness..." Rey spoke firmly.

She laid flowers down at the stone base. 

Rey stood up and collected herself. 

She walked back to her car, she let the tears fall.

Ben smiled, took her hand when she sat in his passenger seat.

"I'm  so proud of you Rey...you continue  to amaze me. " Ben stated kissing the hand he held.

Rey nodded.

She looked  out the window as they drove home.

She knew time passed, she was living, but she also understood she carried HIM with her...


	58. Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben held her hand as they drove. He gave her space when they got home...he understood. This wasn't easy, this was so much more difficult. She faced her demons head on. She was so much stronger than him. Rey explained to him why she searched out where HIS tombstone was...

Ben was not pleased, but he hoped this task aided her path to healing. 

Like so many things, it was her choice. He had to support... respect ...

It's  what defined love...

She mourned the boy lost...

She mourned the girl within her that was lost as well...

It was hard to watch...

His mother told him as a doctor she felt Rey was making decisions with a sound mind.

So Ben  didn't argue...he even drove her. 

But he didn't have to like it...

He didn't  have to like the tears he saw as she walked back to his car...

She would be quiet the rest of the day... no doubt.

She might have a nightmare  tonight...

Ben was mentally prepared.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day he found her sitting in their closet floor.

She was digging through boxes. 

"What are you hunting?" He pressed.

Rey glanced up, "my notebooks... my therapy tasks...every memory... every nightmare... dream...random thoughts... your mother's  friend had the idea I might want to organize my process and publish it in a book. The psychological  journey I have made might help someone else..."

A book? Ben cringed.

"If you feel you should..." he replied.

"I....haven't decided yet. I  want to read back over them...it's been a while..." Rey stated.

She kept tossing things about. 

"Ah....there." Rey found what she sought.

She had multiple notebooks from age 14-now...

"If you need me I'm  here." Ben offered.

Rey smiled.

 


	59. Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darkness still makes her nerves pulse... shadows play wicked games in her mind...

He kisses up her thigh finding her muscles flexing as he migrates higher... 

Gasping she needs his mouth...

His hot breath...

His tongue at her center...

She feels tears escape when he licks her deeply between  drenched folds...

Bliss doesn't cover the sensation...

She moans.

He doubles his efforts...

His teeth graze her lips and clit as he alternates licking...sucking...

The pressure...

She feels heat  and ache...

She feels drained and exposed...

She wants him to rip her apart and put her back together  again...

Take her jagged edges...smooth them down with that tongue...

Ben laves and swirls...

Breathing heavy as he devours...

Devoted...starved...

Hungry for every drop he creates...

She convulses....arching...

He never ceases...sucking her clit hard...

"Omg !   ....Ben ! ...oh fuck....damn it ! ....oh...!" Rey cries out barely coherent... she's truly letting tears fall now...

He dives his tongue deep once more along his fingers...

She climaxes again...rolling inside...

So overwhelmed...deliciously succumbing to his sinful kiss...

He had her...no one else could...

No one could break her so beautifully...

Shatter every inch...

"Ben...please....come ....here..."she begs helpless...

Ben smirks into her neck petting her breast with a damp hand.

"I ..." Rey mumbles. Breath erratic.

"I know Rey...I  love you. You taste like heaven...I  need to watch you fall like that just for me...I need it like air...like food...like water... I  need to wrap around you and listen to your heart beat for my touch..." Ben  told her softly kissing her neck...her  jaw...she sighed contently.

Rey smiled, exhausted.

"You...are...ridiculous...I adore it..." Rey  praised teasing him. The darkness at bay....the shadows held no power when Ben touched her...

 


	60. Not the death of self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hours she would lay scared and dirty she couldn't have predicted or dreamed of her life now... not easy but real... precious. The afterglow always made her reflect, he had thoroughly distracted her from the anxiety attack she'd started to have... reading back over her notebooks had crashed into so many emotions. Rey had been crippled by the overload.... Ben's answer had been to overload her senses with other more pleasant things...

_"He's...everywhere... it's  too much...what was I thinking!" Rey was frantic...trembling..._

_Ben rubbed her arms, pulling her closer, "breathe  Rey... breathe...in ...out...it's memories...not now...he's long dead...you are not...you are here...with me...someone safe who loves you..."_

_She shuddered, eyes welling..._

_"Shhhh...I'm here..." Ben coaxed her to the couch from the floor in their closet._

_Rey had  surrounded herself with the notebooks and began to read...the descriptions were raw and vivid..._

_Rey had always wrote with no filter for Leia  to read at  their sessions as she remembered things._

_Every memory...every feeling... the thoughts that entered when she was left alone..._

_The conversations...with the other victims...what happened  to them..._

_Rey had shifted into a shell of herself...terrified of being trapped there with HIM...backtracking to her less solid self..._

_Ben slowly calmed her, tugging at her clothes and his so she could feel his skin...take in his smell..._

_Distraction...._

_Talking as he touched...reassuring her..._

_He watched her eyes refocus..._

_Seeing him instead of HIM..._

_She cried reaching for his face..._

_"My Ben...I  need you..." she'd  begged._

_Ben knew sex wasn't  necessarily  the answer...his pleasure per say... hers yes._

_So that was his goal...bring her back into her body from her head..._

_He decided his mouth was his tool of choice because  it was her favorite..._

_Rey responded well...Ben's fear receded._

 

 

"someone else can go through these if it's  too much, you can still give other's  access to your experience without this agony.  I  haven't  seen you break like that in so long...it was difficult..." he told her as they curled under the covers in bed.

Rey sighed, "I thought I was ready... I  have talked about things in therapy... in group sessions...in classes...but rereading my own naked words..."

"It took you back there...to that basement...amongst his victims...to HIM?" Ben asked.

Rey nodded, "yes...I  could hear them... him. I  could feel the air.  I  could smell his cologne...their blood. I  could feel how my body felt...it is so strange. I wasn't  as ready as I thought...things have been so good. I thought I'd  found peace."

"It doesn't  have to be you Rey, people  let others help them with book projects  all the time, I  think my mom would agree. This doesn't  define you...what he did doesn't  have to be the death of self within you. Let someone take on the burden, do it justice. If it's  important  to you to continue. I  will support you. But not to harm your health.. " Ben  added.

Rey laid against his chest, "I  think you're right, ...thankyou for bringing me back...such a nice distraction  you are. I don't know where I'd  be if you were never part of my life... my journey would have remained stalled...a stunted existance."

Ben grinned, "I aim to please, we can call mom tomorrow...talk to her book friend. Come up with a better game plan that is healthy for you..."

He kissed her hair, stroking her bare back slow and steady.

 


	61. Chapters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia held Rey as she cried, her friend Arthur nodded with understanding as Rey explained what happened when she found her notebooks...began reading back through her journey.

"It's not a regression Rey...you faced harse memories as we began therapy...over time you attacked your own mind more and more. You recalled torture, entrapment, depression, rape, murder, mental manipulation...your recovery has been a long difficult path." Leia assured  her.

Arthur nodded, "you did what many can't, but you are not alone...my team is good at doing justice  to stories that require a special  touch. We ensure nothing is lost... that the reality you survived is  honored. You only have to trust us, most trauma victims don't do the stressful legwork like you attempted.  Your reaction  was normal...human. NO detail will be changed... no pain sugarcoated..."

"Rey...I  am here, I'm so glad Ben was able to get you through the anxiety  attack." Leia rubbed her back. 

Rey sniffled, raised away, "thankyou.  I  think I  can trust Arthur. I  hope when the project is done I  can look it over finished and not break. I  hope it helps others."

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey honey, let's go !" Ben yelled.

Rey added a slight dash of blush to her cheeks. 

She smiled.

She added pearl earrings.

Straightening her dress she gave herself  a once over.

He looked so handsome. 

Her Ben. 

The book had done so well. 

He had sat with her months after publication. Had read it with her...they stopped as needed...he held her hand and kissed her temple. Whispered reassuring  words.  

Arthur sent a copy to Tori  for her in thanks for how much help R.A.I.N.N. gave her and so many others. 

Leia and Ben  helped her with interviews and book commitments.

Rey trudged through it better than she ever thought possible. 

Her group sessions were going so well, and now she was working with a young girl one on one.

The girl was recovering from surviving an attempted rape, but she wasn't  interacting at school  yet...Rey understood and was trying to help her. 

Ben was waiting for Rey at the door.

"Ready?" Ben reached for her hand. "Got your purse?"

"Got it." Rey grinned.

He opened her car door.

Ben's  eyes wandered from the gentle curls framing her face, to the delicate pearls, further to the extending length  of her legs. 

He swallowed.

She looked so sweet.

Her smile warmed his heart.

They were  headed to a party for the publishing  house. They were celebrating the success  of her book and several  others.

Her book had been frank...blunt.

Arthur had originally asked what Rey felt the book title should be. 

Ben and Rey took weeks reading through the rough draft.

Rey had...moments. 

But in the end she knew exactly what it should be called. 

A title that encapsulates her journey...

 

_**Watching Her Wither and Blossom** _

 

 ****Ben said it was perfect.

Had give her the idea to use one of her women's show pieces for the cover art. 

Rey had been so touched by his suggestion.

Ben and Leia  were so proud. 

Rey asked for the proceeds to go toward funding counseling and aid to victims like her.

She planned  to dedicate her story to Ben...Leia...her mother...and the sacrifice her father made saving her. 

Rey knew most stories didn't end like hers...the girls she'd met while he kept her had very different  endings to theirs...

She had withered to almost nothing...

Then Ben...

He had fed her mind and spirit, encouraged and loved her, made her heart beat again...

She had blossomed into something new...she was still growing...

Rey actually enjoyed the party, and when it was her turn...she spoke.

Interacting with the other authors was fascinating. 

Ben never left her side.

When he finished school  he had plans to be a vet. Rey found herself  drawn to continue a path to become a counselor. 

She glanced at the promise ring on her finger on their way home.

Ben was her prince...

Her father would like that.

Rey wondered what was coming... could she handle it?

...Would he want her as his wife someday?

...Would she ever feel ready to be a mom?...

Rey thinks ...maybe...

She would never wither away with Ben...

She would always feel loved and safe...

She was enough.

She was strong.

She was real.

She was his. 

She was her OWN...

Rey followed him in the house 

As soon as the front door closed she shoved him against the door. 

She yanked at his buckle and zipper...

And before he could protest...her lips encircled him.

She loved his tenderness as his fingers caressed  her hair.

She thrived on his moan...

The strain in his breath...

They broke for eachother...

It filled her with power and selfish triumph. 

Her mouth...fire he could not escape from...

Not that he would even want to as he shuddered...came down her throat with a groan.

She kept sucking even as he softened, licking around his form. ...and smiling inside.

Hers.hers.hers.

Hers...

The sun that chased away the rain....

The rainbow that pushed away the clouds...new chapters were coming...

 

 

 

 


	62. Beyond her limits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben stared at the items laid out before him... a dark purple blindfold, silk thin rope, a small riding crop, a mini vibrating egg, ... cuffs... this was not what he expected.

Rey enjoyed what she did with Ben...she liked trying new things...

She wanted to push herself.

Beyond her limits.

Past her memories.

Past her triggers.

She wanted to test herself...

"If it's too much Ben... I  understand...I  just... I'm tired of being scared to push farther." Rey said weakly.

Ben smiled, "It's  not ... too much, I just haven't  ventured into ...well every aspect of sexual games. And I know every step we've  ...explored has been slow paced because of what you've  been through."

"True...but I  think I'm ready for more...I  want you to restrict me first...I  want every negative association  shifted to something good...we've come so far, I trust you Ben." Rey took his hand.

She led him to their bedroom. 

She showed him the items she picked to try first..."not all is for tonight...just use whatever you are comfortable with..."

Ben stepped over to the bed.

Looked over what she'd explained.

Rey let her dress fall to the floor.

Slipped out of her bra and panties...

She was bare to him.

She felt no doubt.

No fear of him.

Ben could handle pushing her.

She wanted this.

Rey stepped closer to him.

Ben placed the items on the dresser. Leaving the bed open.

"Rey come closer." Ben requested.

Rey obeyed, he tied the blindfold to cover her eyes.

She sighed.

Remembering sensory deprivation in HIS care...her breathing sped up.

"Stay with me Rey..." Ben's  soothing voice in her ear calmed her breathing.

He guided her to lay back, tied her wrists above her head gently with the silken thin  rope.

He felt her body tense. 

He kissed and caressed her palms, wrists near the rope...

Moved down her form.

His hands glided over each breast.

He took the egg toy... running it's vibration on her pebbling nipples.

Rey gasped.

Ben stroked her folds with his fingers, the toy now nuzzling her clit...

"Oh Ben..." Rey whimpered as he coaxed her orgasm.

He saw her feeling the ripples...it made him so hard.

She trusted him. 

To allow him to tie her up...

That monster had done so many things to her...to them in front of her...

Rey was helpless before Ben right now...

Sightless...at his mercy...unable to move away...

He kissed her lips. "Rey...it's odd to have  you like this...but I...anything you need..."

The way she reacted to him...his blood boiled...his fingers were soaked...

He kissed her deeper. Finding his home nestled between her thighs...

Rey gave in...it felt so good.

A helplessness she needed...

Thrust for thrust...

 

* * *

 

 

"That was...what I hoped." Rey told him at breakfast. "I didn't have a bad reaction." 

"Yeah, it was...fun. I liked it. We can keep...pushing as you want to." Ben agreed.

"Thanks...slow go but definately." Rey smirked.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey Hux  ! When did you and Ria get in? Thought you two were living in Paris?" Ben asked.

Hux smirked,  "we do...home visiting. How about you two?" 

"Actually,  we are great...Rey's book did so well. School  is alright, I  am studying to be a vet. Rey wants to be a counselor." Ben told him.

Hux cocked his head, "no proposal yet?"

"What?" Ben looked stunned. "propose ?"

"Yeah, dude...I  can't believe  you haven't  yet. You've  been together since high school... you live together...you love her. Ask her !" Hux encouraged. 

"We have...I  do..." Ben agreed. 

She was all he wanted...

All he needed...

Was the time right?

Yes they were getting  physically  closer...more and more...

But was Rey ready for marriage?

 

 


	63. Exactly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The promise ring Rey got from Ben in high school was simple, plain, but meant so much to her...it truly was a physical embodiment of his promise. And now...after talking to Hux...Ben was feeling...like a coward. Why had he not already asked her? Why had he waited? They have been good... really good. She never brought it up? Didn't seemed concerned?

"Mom, I need to ask you something..." Ben told her as they walked by store after store on the square.

Leia nodded,  "sure Ben,  what is it? I know Rey has been testing the waters so to speak lately with you...is it overwhelming you ? Trying any form of bondage or pain/pleasure activity  is healthy but can be...hard to explore."

Ben was mortified, "no ! ...I  mean yeah it can be ...odd...but she ...that's not what I  was looking for answers about! "

"Oh! Sorry son...I  probably  just embarrassed  you. You know Rey  talks to me... it helps her grow. But we don't have to discuss her new ...needs. What is it then?' Leia stammered.

Ben stopped her.

"Mom...I  need advice in this store..." Ben pointed.

Leia's face lit up. 

"Oh Benjamin !" She  hugged him.

Ben laughed, "I  think I have waited so long because  I  was worried she wasn't ready...she's had big things happen ...we've been concentrating on school...but maybe part of it was... I was afraid to ask..."

Leia shook her head, "why ? Honey she adores you...you are literally  her knight that saved her heart. She will be thrilled. You've  never pushed her.  I  think her...all of us will be overjoyed."

"Then I  guess this knight needs to be armed!" Ben joked, "with the right ring..."

They spent 3 hours looking over rings... Ben kept dismissing  them. He just didn't  see the right  one.

He looked up to see Gail. "Gail?"

"Hi Ben, your mom called me." Rey's  mother smiled.

"I just can't...pick." Ben looked defeated. 

The mothers felt bad for him.

Gail spoke to the jeweler.

"Ben, I  brought Rey's  father's  ring and mine. They aren't as fancy as some here... but you can add a personal  touch. It will be a gesture to her. The jeweler said he can resize them both. You could give her the same ring he father gave me..." Gail explained. 

Leia grinned, "very generous  Gail, Rey would be so touched. "

"That's,  I  don't even know what to say... she misses him so much..." Ben opened the beat up tiny box.

Inside were two white gold bands.

One thick and wide, plain.

The other thinner with glinting stones in an almost floral pattern. 

"You can remove three of the stones and make her earrings...a necklace...add bigger stones to the ring. She loves colors, it's  up to you...but you could add an emerald,  a saphire, and a ruby in the center." Gail suggested. 

Ben smiled.  "Perfect"

 

* * *

 

On Rey's  birthday  she got the necklace, white gold with a single diamond.

Christmas brought her the earrings to match. 

Ben plotted and planned for when the ring would make it's  debut.

He couldn't  help but be nervous.

He'd  worked with the jeweler to make it just right.

Rey had been in a great mood and steady for months. 

They had continued to try new things as she wanted and felt comfortable...they even ventured into things that made him... uneasy. 

But it seemed to work. Rey was able. 

No anxiety attacks.

No new nightmares.

She seemed...at ease.

Comfortable in her own skin...she had more drive.

Ben was typically  all to eager to oblige.

Pain was his worry.

It was a fine line...but they did their research...went slow.

Ben found sexual release was difficult  when trauma involved sexual situations and dominance.

 Rey had been tortured and restricted in varied ways... experienced so much...she wanted to change her view of things he'd  used on her...done to her...to them.

Ben took some of the odder things in stride. 

It was a process. 

Rey had stopped him a few times.

They were finding limits.

She talked him into watching a show at a swingers club.

They talked to no one,  but her friend Paige had been featured and Rey was fascinated. 

Ben had been  reluctant. 

It was bondage and control. Some pain play...verbal dominance.

Rey had asked him if she could tie him up that night. She wanted to try being in power. 

It had been more stimulating than Ben expected.

He agreed to expand  on it.

But he wasn't interested in going back to Paige's club...any club...like that. 

Rey was relieved. The idea of sharing her Ben in any way bothered her. 

He held her whispering how she was all he needed, all he wanted.

He sat holding the box now. Debating.

He felt ready. 

The day was planned.

Rey was ready for this step...he was certain.

She was her own person.

She was almost done with school.

They had a great place, he was doing well. 

Yes. Today was the day.

"Mom, I'll text you and Gail  later. But don't  worry...I am not going to chicken out." Ben told  her.

He sat in the car.

He was ready.

Rey was getting dolled up at home, he sped off to pick her up. 

He wore a casual dress shirt and nice slacks.

She loved deep dark colors on him.

He pulled up in front of their apartment. 

At their door he waited, flowers in hand.

Here we go...

 

 

 


	64. Say I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's breath caught when Rey opened their door.

"Rey...you look so beautiful."  Ben praised.

Rey blushed. "So what's  the big surprise, there's  no special occasion."

"I love you, that's special occasion enough." Ben handed her the flowers.

Rey laughed,  "such a cheeseball... but so sweet. I love you."

Ben took her to a restaurant  they'd  heard about a few weeks before.

His co-worker told him they had a dance floor. 

Fancy-ish.

Good lighting...mood.

Ben smiled.

Yes, this was just right.

The appetizer was her favorite. 

The ring was burning a hole in his pocket.

Rey knew he was up to something.

By dessert Rey  was sure... Ben was figity...sweating...

"Um... Rey, can we talk?" He asked.

Rey felt a pang of worry, "yes... you ok?" 

Ben was quiet.

Never a good thing.

Rey's heart sank...

Maybe...maybe what she's been needing from him lately has been too much...

She asked for too much after all he's done...

Ben straightened his back.

He took a deep breath.

"Rey...we've been down such a long road...you are truly an inspiration to me." Ben started.

Rey smiled. Feeling a bit relieved.

"I know sometimes I am not sure what I should do, what you need ...but Rey I am so thankful for the day I noticed you smiling... playing with the grass with your toes...I  knew my heart was gone..." Ben slipped out of his seat.

He got down on one knee. 

Rey saw the fear in his eyes...

She recognized fear of rejection...

But also...such hope...

"I worry about you every day... I feel the most joy when you smile. I firmly believe that the reason I was put on this Earth was to love you... to make that smile appear. All I want ...need is to keep you safe... happy." Ben gazed up at her.

"Rey...would you fulfill my reason to exist...would you marry me?" Ben asked. 

Rey gasped.

The tears hugged the corners of her eyes. " oh Ben... you are the best thing to happen to me too... you saved me from the abyss... from the darkness of my pain... my trauma...you have been my light. You gave me back my voice..."

Ben grinned,  "is that...?"

"A yes? ...oh Benjamin! Of course it's  a yes!" Rey squealed, wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

 

 

 

 


	65. Now and then I hate myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben doesn't see every thought that flickers across my mind... he can't... it would terrify him... he wouldn't see strength... he wouldn't see progress...

He proposed.

After everything...this beautiful man wants to marry me.

It's  amazing  and too much...

It's everything I  want...

It's  everything  that makes me want to run away screaming...

I have to give him credit, he's tried.

The art shows, the counseling, the book...

He's  let me talk him into trying some crazy...some fucked up sexual situations lately...

In my quest to exorcise my dark places left by my time with HIM.

Ben trusts completely.

I trust him implicitly.

He gives me over control...

I almost feel whole again.

Like pieces have returned to life inside that were dead and buried. 

But there are moments...still. 

When pain can't  distract me. 

When painting doesn't  soothe.

When writing doesn't purify. 

I feel like I did in that basement...

Like death is the answer...that I  am nothing...

A body...

A mouth...

A hole...

No one but useful...

Needing to be small...silent...

Until I'm  not...

Those are the thoughts he doesn't  need to see. 

His love warms my delicate heart.

Pulls my thoughts from the ashes.

Ben is here. 

He is real.

I am worth it.

I am real.

I am loved.

I am special.

He asked...

I want to marry this man who sees me in the best light...and the darkness...

After the restaurant  we talk as we share a bubble bath, he hears these ugly things.

He washes my hair.

He wipes away the tears.

Nothing scares  him.

How do I not scare him?

I am more than this pain and this insecurity. 

HE planted it deep inside me...left it to fester and rot...

Ben...yet Ben...

He gives me the kindness, the patience... cuts away the dead branches... feeds the roots...brings forth new growth...

He listened...didn't dismiss. 

We made love after the bath.

He worshipped  my form like it meant life to his existence...

He says he feels like he was put on this Earth to love me...make me smile...

He was...

He does...

I lose the shame...

I let go of the hate...

I can forgive myself...

He loves ME.

I can be truly happy.

 

 

 

 


	66. Step into the light and fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was ...difficult to say the least. I thought I had dealt with the worst. The attacks, the space, so many... things I couldn't fathom the whys... but she was doing so well? I thought... she went to his grave... she put every single detail into that book... into her art... she's stepped up and helped so many others... we ... I ...she asked for things... did things ...but then she broke so far down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Had to delete a chapter that posted twice. Grrr. sorry. Wierd hiccup when I went to post this chapter. And had to go back in and edit bc it wasn't yet. ;) ***

_"I  need to pass it over to you... the control so I  can let go of this fear that humiliated me... that crippled me... he restrained me ...various ways...I want to start with that. Ben, make it pleasant so I can let the fear go." Rey begged._

_He was skeptical,  but facing your fears was a justified, proven psychological treatment._

_He agreed._

_Reluctantly._

_Her body's reaction to the stimulus was as expected...it worked..._

_Ben found it ...exhilarating._

_The power given. The control. The trust._

_How just the simple gift of restriction was beautifully sadistic._

_But for her...his touches had been as tender, loving, firm...his mouth attentive... explorative...his words reassuring... supplicant..._

_She wasn't  tied down ...he was...by her trust._

_He was at  her mercy..._

_Lost in each shiver..._

_Embraced by every heave of her chest... her pebbled nipples..._

_Prisoner to her whimpers...her tears..._

_He gave her every single part of him._

_Because he could  do nothing else..._

_Rey owned him._

_He made love to her gently,  trying not to strain her wrists and ankles..._

_When she came he felt victorious..._

_After that...as she requested ...more ... Ben understood  the fine line they were treading.The weight being slowly lifted..._

_He saw the blunt truth of why..._

_He held her...safe._

_Whatever she needed._

_He drew some limits._

_He felt the darkness shrivel..._

 

I cringed. Watching this...defeat.

I nearly broke too.

I thought the proposal  was the next step...

She fell so far down that familiar rabbit hole of self degredation...

That instinct to feel death was all she deserved...

Mute obedience  to the depression ever looming.

She didn't  think she could tell me...

Me!

What the absolute fuck ?!

After everything?!

But finally...now as I rub her back...

I feel the tension release... 

The words spill out like a bleeding wound...

I see it...

Why she couldn't...

It's  ugly...

Cruel...

Masochistic...

She is trying to forgive herself still...

For letting herself  be there...

For surviving it...

For her father's death...

For ...my place in this road...

She has to love herself...as much as I do...

I let my disappointment flitter off...

I lift her up...enjoy a bath...

I  make love to her... sacrifice  myself at her feet...

Pray it's enough...

She makes my heart beat...

I hear her...I listen...my warrior.

My Rey...

victim no more...

not to HIM...

Not to herself...

 

 

 

 


	67. The screaming falls silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey glances down. The lace almost shimmers to her. It's magical. She smiles....

Rey spun.

She twirled.

She giggled.

The screaming in her head was silent.

She felt...light.

Today was a big day.

 

He was here. 

She was here.

HE was not.

 

She grinned. 

Her hair curled and dangled.

Her lips kissed with a touch of pink.

She was absolutely ready.

"I look good." Rey told her reflection. 

 

* * *

 

 

As she glided down the isle toward Ben she felt blessed. 

He looked so handsome.

Her knight.

Her rock. 

 

Ever since she'd  finally let the last wall down she had felt different. 

Ben helped her...god he'd  helped her...

All the carnage ravaging inside that remained...screaming...

He hushed it with his kiss.

So crazy. 

She knew daddy was with her as she walked. Her necklace hung from her neck. It never left her.

She saw a tear leave Ben's  eye as he took her in.

There's was just them.

This isle. 

This moment.

They shared self-written vows.

Her heart couldn't  be more full.

Extra sessions with Leia...

Help from her group...

Her mother...

Her friends...

Ben...

Got her here.

As they were announced she listened attentively...

"I now pronouce you man and wife! I give Mr and Mrs Solo!" The paster yelled in his happy tone.

Clapping snapped her to attention.

She grinned as Ben guided her out.

 

In the car Ben kissed her hand. "You ok?"

"I am great!" Rey purred.

They nuzzled on the way to the hotel after the small reception.

Their flight was in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	68. Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll see you after work. If you don't feel like cooking text me and I'll pick up something...or we can go out." Ben kissed her cheek. He never missed an opportunity to do so.

Rey started the washer.

Laundry...her daily foe.

It amazed her how much laundry they had.

She sighed.

Ben partnered with the vet he'd  worked under.  He grew the practice.

It was doing well.

Ben loved his job. They adopted several rescues.

Rey smiled  down at the kitten rubbing her leg. "Hi."

The little animal purred.

So happy. 

Rey cuddled her. Poor thing was attacked by wild dogs...had a scar across it's small neck and a missing eye, and no tail.

Ben had nursed it back to health and brought her home to Rey.

They added little Snowflake to their brood.

The two dogs Rolph and George had welcomed the little cat...Rey found the 3 cuddled up in the living room often.

The dogs were gentle with it when they played.

It was sweet.

Rey locked the door as she left. Her first client was in an hour.

She liked being a counselor...felt like she was making a difference. 

Some days it was really difficult  to listen to their thoughts...their hurts.

But...the relief made it worth the pain.

They didn't  have to feel alone... most doctors hadn't  survived real trauma...how could they truly understand that kind of mental battle?

She speculated not many...so she pushed herself working with those like her.

Rey met a boy who reminded her of HIM. He was almost 18 now...so angry.

She was determined this young man wouldn't  be lost... wouldn't end up a monster himself.

7 months working with him left her drained but hopeful.

Her other clients were less impacting.  

Every one of them tugged at her heart, but his state...his ordeal hit so close to home.

His attacker was in jail...that was something.

Leia gave her advice, and when Patrick agreed to come ...thrived in the group sessions Rey felt such accomplishment.

Rey told him her story. He seemed hopeful. 

If she could rise above...be alive... why couldn't  he?

He bonded with the group members. 

Leia told Rey he had a long path but so much potential.

 

Ben was supportive. He read her like a book. 

Rey took everything he gave.

Life was moving along...

Days at a time...

Sun rising and setting.

A good life.

Rey smiled, her hand crept across her stomach...as she sat in her office.

Ben had a surprise  coming.

She couldn't  wait to tell him. 


	69. The Little feet ..... little toes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sat at his desk. The morning had been slow, but he still felt horrible. The dog he'd had to opperate on died... he'd failed... it hurt his heart. Hit by a truck, the dog had been brought in by a witness. It's injuries so many. He'd ...tried. Now he sat alone, very defeated.

"Solo, you did your best...it happens." Dr. Leberson tried to reassure him.

Ben sighed, "knowing that doesn't make me feel better,  but thanks."

Stewart was a good guy, they'd become pretty good friends. 

Ben had barely had to try when he convinced him to partner.

The office stayed busy, he needed the help. 

Ben answered a need.

"There's  a very cranky lizard waiting to see her favorite  doctor..." Stewart told him.

Ben nodded,  "alright, thanks."

 

* * *

 

 

Rey told Leia first,  she had questions  about how sickly she'd been. 

Leia went with her to the doctor.

Feeling better later, Rey hummed to herself.

She unpacked shopping bags.

Leia had gone a little overboard.

Rey prepared her gift for Ben.

She knew he'd  had a rough day...a tough week. This would lift his heart she was certain.

He had not pressured her at all about having kids. 

He wanted one though.

She caught him talking to the dogs and cat as if they were their kids.

It was enduring.

Her Ben was so gentle and precious.

He would be a wonderful father... he'd taken such good care of her...

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey sweetie...I  am so ready for some of your chicken and dumplings...." Ben  hung up his jacket and tossed his keys on the bowl near the door.

He found her waiting in their dining room.

"Oh honey...smells great. Looks nice." He complimented.

Rey grinned, "thanks...you got a package today...did you order something?"

Ben's  brow creased, "I  don't  think so...wierd."

Rey served him his bowl and poured him some soda. "Well, you can see what it is after dinner, maybe it's  a mistaken shipment."

She took her seat, and dipped her spoon.

Ben smiled.

Home.

Rey...their furry children...home.

He was thankful.

He cleaned up the dishes.  

Rey handed him the box in the living room after...

Sure enough his name was on it.

"Huh...odd." he muttered. 

 

He cut the top.

Opened the flaps.

 

His chest tightened.

His heart felt like it would burst. 

His hands reached in and pulled out what lay inside...

He read the front.

"Made with love. " Ben's voice shakey. The tiny onesie was bright yellow  and looked so small in his big hands.

 

Rey was floored. His reaction tugged at her own heart.

Ben looked up at her,  eyes shining. "Really?"

"Yes. We haven't  talked about it recently,  but we don't really try to um...prevent this type of...event from happening  either. I went to the doctor with your mom...I'm ok." Rey touched his shoulder. 

Ben smiled. "I'm  happy,  this is wonderful!"

Rey leaned down and kissed him.

"Little momma...my beautiful little  momma...God I love you so much!"  Ben missed her all day, then she gave him such an amazing surprise...tiny feet...tiny toes... he held her tight kissing her again.

Rey let him.

He was happy about it.

Ben picked her up, making her squeak. "Bed!"

 

 

 

 

 


	70. Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben watched her. So determined, trying to pick only the perfect daisies.

Rey smiled. 

Erin was running around the backyard collecting flowers, Ben was dutifully holding her basket.

It was precious. 

"Mommy! Look!" Erin grinned showing her full basket.

"Beautiful honey!" Rey told her.

Ben smiled, "I think mommy would look extra pretty with one in her hair."

"Yes ! Yes !" Erin jumped up and down.

Ben plucked one from his 4 year old's basket and carefully placed it in his wife's hair.

"Just what I thought...perfect." Ben leaned in and kissed her cheek. 

Erin beamed. "Mommy's  a princess!"

"She is...so are you sweetie! My princesses!" Ben put one in Erin's hair too. Kissed her rosy cheek.

 

They watched Erin chase the dogs. 

She was so energetic. 

Rey was enjoying being home with her.

"Do you still want to go to see your movie ?" Ben asked her.

Squinting Erin  nodded furiously. 

 

* * *

 

 

Later Ben sat holding popcorn, skittles, and a large coke.

"Why does daddy have to hold everything?" Rey asked.

Erin gave her mom an exasperating expression, "because when Mary Poppins comes out I  gotta dance!"

Rey laughed.

Ben smirked.

Their child loved to sing and dance... to everything.

To movies.

To commercials. 

It really didn't  matter.

Ben danced right along with her around the house.

Rey took his hand. "I wouldn't  have her any other way."

 

They were blessed.

 

 

 

 


End file.
